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Most Depressing Places On Campus, Volume VIII: The DRL Terrace

(12/02/15 9:32pm)

Looking for a place to relax? Is this week just getting you down? No need to fret! We've got the perfect getaway destination for you. Why wallow only in the misery of the DRL lobby when you can also take a field trip to the back side of DRL? Your feet are soaked already, so bring your whole body with them as you bask in the comfort of shit-colored Adirondack chairs that are probably on the cusp of falling apart. Some flourishing foliage is kindly included on each corner of the terrace, too. Enjoy remarkable views of four slabs of concrete as they trap you in your despair — literally.


ShutterButton: A Lone, Dirty Sock On A Public Bathroom Doorknob

(11/18/15 10:32pm)

It's a trashbag! It's a wig cap! It's...a dirty sock on the doorknob of the Harnwell dungeon bathrooms? This little guy is reinventing the meaning of the old sock-on-the-doorknob trick. While seemingly scandalous, it seems unlikely that anyone is getting freaky in public high-rise bathrooms at 5:30 p.m. on a Wednesday. Or are we perhaps wrong? After all, cuffing season is right around the corner.




Wishbone Adds Some Outdoor Autumnal Cheer

(10/27/15 7:30pm)

While you're out late thinking that Wawa, McDonald's and FroGro are the only establishments that are open past midnight, keep in mind that Wishbone is here for you. That means that even at 2 a.m., you can indulge in some warm, crispy fried chicken. Even better: Wishbone recently added some outdoor firepits, proving that not wanting to stay out because it's cold just isn't a real excuse. So grab your boxed wine, your graham crackers, Hershey's and marshmallows, because what else would you be doing on a Saturday night really?



20 Things We Wish The Pope's Visit Actually Had An Impact On

(09/25/15 6:14pm)

Our kind friend Pope Francis is coming to the city of brotherly love this weekend. The whole world is being put on hold: classes cancelled, concerts postponed, stores closed... But what if the Pope’s visit affected things we actually cared about? Here’s what we think should happen to the world in light of his visit:




Queen Vanessa Bayer Is Coming To Penn This Weekend

(09/15/15 4:36pm)

Plebeians and peasants, hear ye. The day has come! Our beautiful queen V-Ba(e) is making her grand entrance to campus this Saturday. The SNL superstar, and a number of other fierce AF female comedians – including Aparna Nancherla (stand-up comedienne; writer for Totally Biased and Late Night with Seth Myers) and Michelle Wolf (Late Night with Seth Myers; @midnight) — will be featured in LaughtHERfest, the first ever women in comedy festival at Penn. 


Federal Donuts' Fried Chicken Sandwich Makes Its Big Debut

(09/09/15 9:58pm)

Anyone who was in Philadelphia at all this summer – those overachievers doing research, or anyone who came back to campus to check on a suspicious subletter – probably had Federal Donuts' new fried chicken sandwich on their radar at some point. The new creation was only available at FedNuts' shipping location in Spruce Street Harbor Park, but we're here to tell you the crispy, cheesy sandwich is back. 


New "Last Hurrah" App Is Like Tinder For Penn Seniors

(05/13/15 6:56pm)

Seniors, the time has come: to forego what is left of your childhood, embrace becoming an adult and enter the real world. But thankfully there's a week left for potential senior debauchery. Have you ever longingly gazed at some cutie through the glass of a GSR? Or relished in the 30 seconds you got to spend with a hot guy or girl in a VP elevator, only to realize you'll probably never speak? The Last Hurrah, a matching app exclusively for Penn Seniors, is here to make your dreams come true. Any Penn senior with an email address can anonymously enter the names of up to 10 seniors that they'd like to hook up with, and if the interest is mutual, both parties receive a notice that they've "matched." 


Federal Donuts Saves The Day: Free Donuts For Students During Finals

(04/28/15 8:01pm)

You heard it right — Federal Donuts is offering free donuts to any Penn student with a PennCard between April 28th and May 8th (and will be open 7 a.m. to 9 p.m.). So sink your teeth into a choice of Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Strawberry Lavender, or Vanilla Spice deliciousness as you sulk miserably in a VP group study room. There's a light at the end of the Finals-induced tunnel, and it comes in the form of fried dough and sugar. Thanks, Federal. You the real MVP.



Philly Bars May Soon Stay Open Until 4AM

(04/15/15 10:16pm)

Remember how you felt that one time you were sipping on a scrumptious appletini at a nameless downtown bar when minutes later you and your friends were being herded like sheep to exit the premises at 2 a.m.? We feel your pain. And so does Jordan Harris, a state representative who is planning to introduce a bill that will allow Pennsylvania businesses to be able to serve alcohol until 4 a.m. Harris's goal is to "appeal to young professionals and millennials" more because "Philadelphia has lagged behind other major cities as far as nightlife is concerned." Ah yes, the Smokes clientele must be growing a little old – let us liven up the bar scene with more sceney downtown spots. Either way, expect your cocktails to (maybe) be there for you until 4 in the morning.



USA Today Kindly Takes The Time To Remind Us That Penn Is Awesome

(04/08/15 6:08pm)

We've had our fair share of rankings this year — from the boast-worthy to the bizarre — but that never stopped USA Today from boosting our egos just a little more. Penn was ranked as the #1 best private college in the U.S., following the praise of Penn being the #1 college nationwide. Is this just USA Today's way of reminding us that we have to pay full tuition? Perhaps. But for now, bask in your glory and be proud of where you come from.


Safe Sex, Brought To You By College House Vending Machines

(03/30/15 6:20pm)

Vending machines in all college houses and in Sansom Place have recently upgraded their mediocre snack selection to include...condoms for only a dollar! Thanks to Penn Res and the UA, you no longer need to worry about an awkward interaction with your RA late at night when you realize you need to re-up on some Trojans. Don't confuse the condom for the Nature Valley granola bar, though – these babies aren't edible.