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(09/20/99 9:00am)
From Melissa Wong's, "Days Like This," Fall '99 From Melissa Wong's, "Days Like This," Fall '99I was almost crushed on the Superblock footbridge by a herd of polo-shirted and tank-topped freshmen stampeding towards me. One of them pointed to the famous dueling tampons sculpture looming in the distance and very knowledgeably told another, "Look! It's the nipple." As we welcome the incoming Class of 2003, we more seasoned members of the Penn community cannot help but feel a little nostalgic for that first year of blissful naivetZ and drunken debauchery. To be a freshman again, knowing nothing but feeling comfortable with that fact because no one else had a clue either. The first semester is an utter shock to your entire overachieving being. It is a time of new beginnings and pretty much everything else you said in that cheesy valedictory. You slowly realize that you are no longer the only person on the face of this planet who was student council president, yearbook editor, varsity soccer, science league state champion and all-state all-star in everything. Your next-door neighbor got an 800 verbal too. These kinds of people are the ones you despised in high school, clear competitors for that coveted spot in the Ivy League. Now, you're all in the same boat and it builds a sense of camaraderie and cooperation. Until you hear about that impossible curve in Econ 001. Then it's every 4.0 for himself. College classes are different. You think that since you have only two exams the entire semester, you only really have to study a week before each midterm and final, right? What do you mean there's no extra credit?! The professor will never know if you're missing his Friday 9 a.m. lecture. You can sleep in without having your mother call in or write a note. "Johnny isn't feeling well today. He spent the entire night playing beer pong." College life is different. No one makes sure you have clean boxers for the week. Nourishment consists of chicken nuggets for lunch, chicken fingers for dinner, chicken filet for lunch, chicken on a roll for dinner, chicken tenders for lunch and maybe a cheesesteak if Judy Rodin is visiting your dorm. You wear flip-flops in the shower. You sleep in the shower. This is diversity at work, the first time that you will be surrounded by people from places other than New Jersey. Places like New York and Pennsylvania. My freshman year, I had rice balls wrapped in seaweed with my newfound friend from Japan. The girl from Los Angeles down the hall got a new tongue ring. Martha from Alabama made a great strawberry cream cake. Upperclassmen who have abandoned those wild parties freshman year for more refined soirees forget the bonding experience of walking home with 30 of your friends from 41st Street, stopping at random intervals so the guy in Room 335 could yell at each parking meter along the way. Who else but your hallmates would hold you upright while you vomit into the lounge's trash can? Or cook you ramen the next hungover morning? Remember the guilty thrill of trying to convince the Spectaguard that you really haven't been doing jelly shots all night? Despite all those wild times, my favorite freshman memories are of all-night study sessions and intolerable stress levels. The Engineering students would be crouched in the suite lounge over textbooks and TI-83s while the College students read Plato with highlighters in hand and the Whartonites desperately worked on their Powerpoint presentations. The smell of buttery popcorn would waft through the room and we would all chug Surge until we started convulsing. All of a sudden, popcorn kernels fly through the air into mouths across the room. David does his napkin trick. And all work is abandoned for another 40 minutes.
(02/17/98 10:00am)
Jeff "Inflated Grade" Dinski, Commentary 1. Penn's athletic program and its little oversight of football player Mitch Marrow's failure to take three classes this fall. 2. The Penn student body's excitement about the trip to the game tonight. The trip will give the students an opportunity to visit an Ivy League school and see what higher education is all about. 3. The fact that most Penn students won't be able to understand this column anyway because of the abundance (that means a lot) of four-letter words like play and game. However, I realized that none of those topics was really necessary or appropriate. After all, this column is supposed to be about the game tonight, and when it comes to basketball, there is really only one thing this column could be about -- the fact that Princeton is better than Penn. Pure and simple. Period. Princeton will win tonight and we're so good that we won't even have to forfeit the win back. A lot of you down in Philadelphia probably think that your star guard Michael Jordan will have a big game tonight, leading Penn to victory. A lot of you probably think Jordan is good enough to one day get paid to play in the NBA. (Actually, we'll probably find out in a month or so that Jordan is already getting paid to play.) I hate to break the news to you, but Jordan isn't even the best point guard in the Ivy League. That honor belongs to Princeton's Mitch Henderson. Henderson is a better passer and defender and would score as much as Jordan if he weren't surrounded by four other talented players. Henderson's superiority will become painfully clear to you Penn fans tonight. Even at the Quakers' best position, Princeton is better than Penn. Speaking of Jordan, the only similarity between him and his more famous namesake is his number. The real Jordan wins big games. I'm sure my Penn counterpart will talk about how overrated we are and how we don't deserve to be a top-10 team. So what? Rankings don't mean anything anyway. At least we're ranked. It just indicates what I've been saying. Like me, 70 intelligent members of the media and 30 Division I coaches know that Princeton is better than Penn. Early in March, the NCAA selection committee will come to the same conclusion. Is there any doubt that Princeton will get a higher seed than Penn? Oh wait, the Quakers won't get a seed at all. We'll send you tickets to the tournament. So say all you want about Princeton students being a bunch of snobby, rich kids. Say how our basketball team is a bunch of slow white guys. Talk about how boring our games are to watch. Mention how our national ranking is a joke. None of that really matters. All that matters is that we have a better basketball team, and nothing anyone can say or do will change that. Penn, try as you might to bend the NCAA rules, it's inescapable -- Princeton is better than Penn.
(09/18/97 9:00am)
The Daily Collegian STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (U-WIRE) -- The day five shots rang out on the main campus lawn was a day few students will ever forget. It is the date marking one year since the death of a fellow student and the attempted murders of four others. One bullet on the lawn that morning resulted in the death of 21-year-old Melanie Spalla of Altoona, Pa. Another bullet wounded now 23-year-old Nicholas Mensah, a native of Ghana living in Philadelphia. That day, Jillian Robbins spread a tarp under trees in the northwest corner of the busy HUB lawn. At about 9:30 a.m., Robbins began firing her 7-mm Mauser rifle, apparently at random, at pedestrians she said she did not know. Robbins was disarmed by 1997 graduate Brendon Malovrh. Malovrh found Robbins behind the trees and wrestled the gun away from her. She then pulled out a knife and tried to stab him. Malovrh stepped out of the way, causing Robbins to stab herself in the thigh. Using his belt, Malovrh tried to stop her bleeding after she sat down. Robbins was arrested at the scene of the crime that morning. After a year of waiting, there still has not been a resolution to the crime. The date for Robbins' trial has not been set and Centre County District Attorney Ray Gricar said he couldn't predict when jury selection will begin. Gricar will seek the death penalty for Robbins' one count of first-degree murder and one count of third-degree murder, he said. Robbins is also being tried on five counts of attempted murder and five counts of aggravated assault. Gricar expects Robbins will plead not guilty by reason of insanity. While students deal with the one-year anniversary of the shooting, they will not only be observing the day for a fellow student, but also remembering the mysterious 20-year-old woman who opened fire on their campus last year seemingly without motive.
(04/03/97 10:00am)
To the Editor: The claim that "SPEC needs to start looking for Fling bands earlier if they want to sign big-name bands" implies that we, as directors, have been either lazy or stupid. We have been neither. The ridiculous factual inaccuracies of the editorial show the DP has no idea about the process of setting up a national act concert. We would like to make it known that, while the DP or any student has a right to criticize the band choice, they do not have the right to criticize inaccurately our hard work or competence. This is not only insulting, it is just plain wrong. Our process began in September, the first week that school began, and yes we do work through a professional agent. We want to properly address the concerns of the student body and the obnoxious misrepresentations of The Daily Pennsylvanian. For now, we will suffice to say the DP has continued its legacy of problematic and inaccurate information. Barbara Burns College '97 SPEC Spring Fling Co-Director (4 signatures follow) u To the Editor: Where shall we begin? It is so obvious in their editorial on the Fling Concert the DP has absolutely no clue as to what they are talking about. There is an industry out there in music land that revolves around a thriving business market, driven by factors associated with many modern capitalistic markets. These are -- as I'm sure the DP doesn't understand -- factors such as supply, demand, monopolies, promoters, venues, repeat bookings, etc. While we will not take the time to explain the relevance and interaction of these industry drivers and their consequences, we will point out that we operate in the Philadelphia market under the influences of these factors and many others and enjoy our advantages and must deal with our disadvantages. We wanted A Tribe Called Quest and we were the only school to get them. We know what we're doing and how to get what we want if what we want is available. Not all bands are touring all the time! They actually have other things to do! And some bands that we may want are touring, but there is a thing called monopoly that exists and maybe if the DP thinks about it really hard you'll know what we're talking about -- maybe. We've been working on this show since the summer and if that's not early enough for you then you'll just have to get over it. Please refrain from trashing us, all we're trying to do is put on a concert that Penn students will enjoy and this year we have booked a band that almost everyone loves. The show is going to be incredible. If you don't want to come, we won't miss you. Allison Rosen Wharton '98 Betsy Pellegrini College '97 SPEC Concerts Co-Directors Support 'Take Back the Night' To the Editor: I am writing to commend your guest columnist Sapana Donde for her creative approach to making Take Back the Night as inclusive as possible. She and others on the Take Back The Night planning committee faced an enormous task in trying to unite students, staff, and faculty in support of sexual violence survivors. Most people at Penn agree sexual violence is wrong and must be prevented, but there is widespread disagreement over how to meet this goal. The debates about how to do it and who to include can be frustrating and even painful, but I believe that they are ultimately healthy and necessary debates. Only a hardy few, primarily student members of NOW and STAAR, have had the perseverance to move forward and take the risks which come with planning Take Back the Night. As the staff advisor to STAAR, I want to remind Penn students that STAAR is accepting applications from men and women who want to become facilitators in preventing rape and promoting healthy relationships. Applications are available in 310 Houston Hall. If men are wondering where they fit-in to the movement against sexual violence, let me point out that since STAAR was founded in 1989, over 50 male Penn students have made a difference at Penn as STAAR facilitators. Please join STAAR and support the work of Sapana and other women leaders on campus. Kurt Conklin Office of Health Education Baker is a good leader To the Editor: This is in response to Robert Glazer and Robert Fechner's letter to the editor. It has been my personal policy not to speak to the DP about issues concerning the InterFraternity Council. I have found the DP attempts sensationalism and often takes quotes out of context or completely misconceives them. However, IFC President Matt Baker does not have that luxury. He was elected by the presidents of the IFC to be our voice. When attempting to compare Baker to past IFC presidents, no previous president has had to deal with the "charging issue." For the past 40 years it has been passed down the line. Unfortunately, the University decided to press the issue now. Baker has done an exemplary job defending the Greeks and the Greek system while trying to work with the University. While it was not Glazer and Fechner's goal to berate or demean Baker they succeeded in not only that, but the berating and demeaning of the complete IFC Board. There are general meetings every other Wednesday. Each fraternity can send as many reps as they wish. Glazer and Fechner and any other Greek are more than welcome to come to discuss any issue they see fit. The only thing that the letter to the editor "Baker is not the only Greek voice" proved was their own ignorance of the situation. Adam Silfen College '98 Sigma Alpha Epsilon InterFraternity Council Vice President for Rush and Member Education
(12/07/95 10:00am)
To the Editor: There is no room for complaints about the UA not representing the student body. All of us as undergraduates have the right to vote for the UA, and when only 13 percent of us do so we can blame no one but ourselves. With voter participation that low, it should not be hard for any group to gain more than adequate representation. If the UC seat is worth having, it should also be worth the minimal amount of work needed to gain the seat, under the current system. The solution proposed by the DP editorial staff is less representative than the current system. They suggest that the NEC, a smaller group, select two thirds of the students to sit on UC. While well intended, this would only shift the blame for the lack of representation, not solve the problem. If you want better representation don't waste your time changing the system, spend that time using the current system to your advantage. Sean Marzolf Engineering '98 Protest Raises Important Issues To the Editor: Having just read "The Pseudo 60s," I must protest. I was one of the protesters on last Friday involved with the classic Berkeley activism example, the Clinique protest. The protest was not silly and sophomoric. The issues it brought up were and are important. There was not one focal point like make-up. It was an event that posed many questions from education to womens self-image in which many different people participated. There was not one point of view and there was not one spokesperson. Elliott Witney, half the time with his name is misspelled, is mentioned constantly. He was an involved member, but not the leader or the maker of the "brain-child" protest. There were many people who organized it and participated in it. A lot of work went into planning it. In the end, I believe the crowd was entertained, lisened, and thought about the issues involved. The absent parent rules the universities imposed where the focal point of the protests in the 60s, as well as were the strict university educational programs. The activist students protested the freedom of speech (saying the F-word at Berkeley) and the educational programs their university had. It was not until the end of the 60s when the protests got political, making Vietnam the focal point well into the 70s. The womens movement also had its start in the 60s. Apart from job opportunity and equality, the women protested make-up. In the Miss America protest, they dressed up a sheep and burnt lipsticks -- street theater entertainment. Karina Sliwinski College '98 n To the Editor: Abby Beshkin ends her column about the Clinque protest, "Covering Up Issues" (DP 11/30/95), by stating, "If the protesters could channel their energies a little more concretely next time, they might just do some good." As a participant in the protest, I take strong offense at this remark. Beshkin implies that we, the protesters, wasted our energy, were too abstract and in turn, were ineffective. She also implies that the protest did no good. On all of these counts, Beshkin is wrong. Hundreds of people passed by as we protested in front of The Book Store. Most of them were curious as to what was going on -- a group of costumed, poster-waving people yelling loudly about issues is not commonplace on Locust Walk. Many people stopped to see what we were all about. Some ridiculed us, I am sure. But more, I think, were amused by the catchy chants tossed back and forth and were intrigued by the unusual guerilla-theater style format for the protest. And as people stopped to watch the entertainment, they were forced to think, for at least a moment, about the questions we were raising. In the two weeks since the protest, numerous people have approached me, many of whom I'd never met before, wanting to talk about the protest. The vast majority of these people thanked me for the effort we made in bringing awareness to issues that they considered extremely relevant on our campus and in society as a whole, but had too often been ignored. They spoke of the satisfaction they felt in seeing these issues being brought to attention and expressed overwhelming support for our attempts to raise awareness about these issues. Abby Beshkin, in her column, hoped that maybe next time, we protesters "might just do some good." Abby, I think we already have. Holly Shere College '98 Title IX Anyone? To The Editors: As a big fan of both men's and women's basketball here at Penn, I was pleased to see as I picked up the Nov. 27 DP issue that it was the annual "Preseason Basketball Issue." Unfortunately, I have somehow gotten a copy which covers only the men's team. Was this an error which occurred across the entire print run? Are there complete and/or corrected copies available? Shelley Krause Graduate School of Education student Undergraduate Admissions staff member
(09/21/95 9:00am)
From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95 From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East. From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island. From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man. From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29. From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend! From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all. From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all.I would also not get a scholarship.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all.I would also not get a scholarship.But maybe I can through something called 'Financial Aid.'From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all.I would also not get a scholarship.But maybe I can through something called 'Financial Aid.'And maybe I could go to Wharton like all the other athletes and become rich on Wall Street.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all.I would also not get a scholarship.But maybe I can through something called 'Financial Aid.'And maybe I could go to Wharton like all the other athletes and become rich on Wall Street.But the grading curve sucks there.From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95To be a Quaker, or not to be a Quak- er: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to use it in college,Or to go to Rutgers and take arms against the Big East.And by opposing Georgetown? To go to Rutgers?To shoot hoops: to major in Basket- ball for Jocks;No more math, reading, spelling;And by sleeping a lot we end the heart-ache and the thousand nat- ural shocks of life in Long Island.Basketball is my life, but what hap- pens at the consummation of my career.To go out every night, to play Nin- tendo;To sleep through classes: perchance to dream of a career in the N.B.A: ay, there's the rub;For I have about the same chance of making the N.B.A. as Gary Cole- man.When I have shuffled off this college thing,Must give me a pause: there's the respect an Ivy degree gives that lasts as long as life;For who would want to go through life with a Rutgers degree -- the rejection letters, the raised eye brows, the unpaid internships when you're 29.That's the road the unworthy takes;To play Georgetown, St. John's, Syracuse, and then find oneself playing the unemployment game.But if I grunt and sweat as a stu- dent-athlete, I would not need to dread my life after basketball.For I could become a lawyer, a doc- tor or an intern with a stipend!But the Ivy League is a conference I do not know of;They are not usually on T.V. and I like T.V.I watch it all the time;Not much else to do in Long Island.The malls are way overrated.Thus not being on ESPN makes cowards of us all.I would also not get a scholarship.But maybe I can through something called 'Financial Aid.'And maybe I could go to Wharton like all the other athletes and become rich on Wall Street.But the grading curve sucks there.But maybe I could go to The College, And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with too much damn thinking. And when I just about decide where to go All I end up doing is watching some more T.V. Go Islanders! And Jets! J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, But I digress. And then I tire so I sleep more; Perchance to dream. But I better wake up soon; But maybe admissions will let me get around that.
(03/03/94 10:00am)
From Corin Brown's "The Ugly Stick Chronicles," Fall '94 From Corin Brown's "The Ugly Stick Chronicles," Fall '94 Are you gettin' any? If you answered, "no" then you most likely don't want any more inquiries into the current paucity of the aforementioned "any" in your life. Nevertheless the drama of hooking up at Penn is a serious production whose cast of characters is played by some of the most colorful personalities on campus. Here is a sampling of just one type of romance from the Penn Hook-up Theater. "Roger" is the super smarmy senior guy, a veteran Smoke's shmoozer/scammer. He is usually a charming, handsomely strapping fraternity fellow. Everyone knows a Roger. This guy has spent his entire Penn career saddled up to the bar at the Pennstitution. Roger's free flowing, nightly patronage has kept Paul and Joe's watering hole well in the black over his years at Penn. Roger triggers all of his romances from within the cozy confines of his reserved corner seat at the bar which is closest to the door. From his perch he keeps himself constantly abreast of every prospect entering his domain through its dark seedy gates. "Missy" resides at 3700 Spruce St. She is the eager-to-be-cool freshman lass which guys like Roger hook up with daily. Her above average ID has gained her admittance into Roger's domain and she is powerless against his allure. Missy hooks up with guys like Roger but after it becomes blindingly clear to her what his intentions are, she will hopefully move on to one of his brothers or an equally as cool "sweet-guy" in another house. Everyone knows a Missy. Missy is not a bad girl. But like most people, guy or girl, she is easily seduced by anybody who pays attention to her (as long as they're not power tools). She may like whomever she is hooking up with, but she recognizes the social system she is mired in, and dismisses any possibility for a long term relationship as folly. Tragically, Missy is also slowly and unknowingly carving out a probably undeserved reputation for herself as well. That of the nubile, dumb as dirt, freshwoman screwing ... uh ... I mean networking, her way through every house sporting Greek letters from Penn to Penn State. Each night at around 9:00 P.M. big Roger struts into Smoke's assumes his stately perch upon his throne, lights up a Marlboro Light, and begins to suck down pitchers. He might sit alone at first, but his status is written all over him. When patrons enter Smoke's they are impressed with his chum-like rapport with both Paul and Joe. Soon his younger fraternity brothers filter in and hover around him to fight over and gobble up any discarded morsels of senior sagacity. But as the night inches forward, his vast network of super-hip sorority sisters gradually supplant his fraternity brothers and he resumes the typical casual Greek courtship with whichever sister whose loins were screaming for him that week. Of course Roger didn't just move into the quad his freshman year and effortlessly acquired his title with a Maddenesque "Boom!" -- "Roger the Conqueror, Emperor of Smoke's, ruler over all V.I.P.'s." I remember sophomore year, having to sit in class with a Roger and not being able to take notes because he was too busy telling how great Smoke's was the night before. Now he doesn't have to tell us. We all just know what he does at Smoke's. He drinks and hooks up with whomever wants to hook up with him. Sometimes deep down usually after he talks to his mom and she asks him about the girls, Roger ponders his niche in the Penn social machine and wonders if he likes it. He wonders if he can change it. He wonders if he wants to change it. Then he wonders about his occasional squelched feelings for past scams that kept him from longer, more serious commitments. But his thoughts rapidly return to the volumes of plaudits heaped upon him every night by fawning women while sitting at his throne. He does this while ignoring the restrictive nature of his status and thinks about how much play he has gotten that semester, rather than worrying about his inability to have real feelings for anyone. Besides, it would be too much of a hassle to break the shackles of the Penn social machine and follow his heart. He has a tradition to uphold. He has a reputation to maintain. This title of "Stud" was passed down, from generation to generation of fraternity scammer. What's he supposed to do? Roger and Missy are extreme caricatures. Their true feelings and instincts are stifled while their actual actions are being dictated by that amorphous but omnipotent orb known as the Penn social scene. Roger can't even talk to, much less hook-up with, anyone who doesn't meet the rigorous quality control standards of his friends. And Missy is forever relegated to the purgatory of Penn slutdom, whether she deserves it or not. Roger and Missy's respective plights of being stuck in the Penn social caste system can be extrapolated, to some degree, to other social groups inside and outside the Penn campus. My mom taught me a little axiom for life that has helped me not only with hooking up, but with other situations as well. Maybe it could help Roger and Missy. Mom told me, "Son, treat people with dignity and respect. Be honest to yourself and others, and most importantly don't be fake. Everything will work out." Nice try, Mom. Corin Brown is a junior Political Science major from Newton, Massachusetts. The Ugly Stick Chronicles appears alternate Thursdays.
(12/10/93 10:00am)
From Arne Thommessen's "Hear Me Now, Believe Me Later," Fall '93 My first step in answering this question was to ask a random sample comprising of "the Norwegians!," a Drexel student and Gulf War veteran, an alumnus, and an unspecified number of unenlightened Americans. The Drexel student quickly revealed that he had his brain blown out by Iraqi fire, by calling for a permanent draping of the button outside Van Pelt Library. The rest of the randomly selected group displayed more piety and managed to paint an honest picture of the most memorable and unmemorable aspects of Penn. The jury reached a split decision on the unworthiness of the neighborhood. Their first encounters with the residents in West Philadelphia had been rather stressful. Nonetheless, the worthy Quakers believed they would leave Penn with fond memories of brotherly love. Who can possibly forget the excitement of a late night movie at the theater at 40th and Walnut? Glimpsing through the blurry haze of pot smoke, you catch yourself wondering whether the Boyz in the Hoods behind you carry Magnum 44's in their pockets – or are they just happy to see you? The fun continues after the show, as the audience plays hide and seek on the way home to 44th and Spruce. More precisely, you play hide, they play search and destroy. The tax collectors outside WaWa testify to the great American work ethic. Regardless of weather conditions and public holidays, they seldom fail to show up for their work of redistributing student wealth. Their colleagues outside Billy Bob's on the other hand, will not be missed. Their hands-on approach was not greatly appreciated by the victims of Billy Bob's cuisine. The foreign students were impressed by how safe they felt at Penn. They trembled at the shaky memories of unarmed police and restrooms without assault alarms. Transfer students from schools with prominent Marketing departments especially treasured the alarms in the men's room in Steinberg Dietrich. The person who set out the false rumor that Penn is the party school of the Ivies can expect a well deserved beating if he ever shows up. If anything, the reputation probably says more about the other Ivy League schools than Penn. The party scene moved underground after the spectacularly successful campaign to pretend students do not drink alcohol. Inhiki, Oracle and Castle have replaced Lame Pie and Lambda Bamba as the prime hot spots. Nobody said they would miss the Tabard parties, though. But according to the survey's definition of a party, there had not yet been a Tabard party, as they understood the word. The loss of departing Vice Provost for University Life, Kim "not exactly Jim Morrison" Morrisson, will be bearable. As a co-architect of the outdoor drinking ban at the Palladium, she apparently believed Samuel Adams was one of the Founding Fathers instead of America's premium outdoor thirst quenching beer. A frequent underage drinker declared he would miss the blind bouncers at the Palladium, although he would not miss the blind Escort Service drivers. His drinking mentor said he would mourn the loss of the double vodka shots, but was reconciled when told that he could also buy them elsewhere. The microphone and video camera at Smoke's are the closest most Penn students will ever come to fame. The consensus was that their brief moments of basking in the media spotlight will be cherished forever. Some things are missing already. The greasy goal posts from Franklin Field vanished in thick water, but will reappear on next year's bursar bill as a goal post fee. Still, there will be few complaints. At least this time, students could see where their money was going. Few unphilanthropic students, though, will miss the annual tuition hikes. The unanimous panel had more esteem for the legendary Quarterman, who has asked for just one quarter as long as anybody can remember. People agreed that they would have enjoyed college more without academic requirements. A vast majority would much rather have been outside diversifying Locust Walk than wasting their time in crummy study lounges. Students of color, red and blue, also admitted to a serious addiction to the sound of a slam dunk against Princeton at the Palestra. A dissident voice claimed he would not miss all the short girls with fat legs. This clearly offensive and sexist remark represents the opinion of the respondent and is completely independent of either the undersigned or this newspaper's position. We emphasize that we have no bias against short girls with fat legs. Women fitting these characteristics are discouraged from confiscating more than one issue of the DP each. Although questions about the U.S. was not part of the survey, the foreign students repeatedly mentioned three grievances against the American way of life. First of all, they were fed up with explaining what was up or how they were doing, when people just kept on walking and were clearly not interested in the answer. Secondly, they were sick and tired of the American soft-heartedness for whales and dolphins. "Kill them all. Let God sort them out," demanded a clearly agitated subject. Finally, they feared being approached by strangers asking them to attend bible study gatherings. The foreign Wharton students preferred instant gratification. At their young age, the net present value of heavenly rewards was small and highly uncertain. The sole alumnus in the survey deviated from the current students in more than one way. She had the nerve to suggest that she missed the food at 1920 Commons and the party scene at Penn. Then again, she had never been to a Tabard party. The alumnus' sentiment sums it all up. Going to Penn is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. This columnist did it, and he is damn glad he did. This school has more soul than the seven other Ivy League schools combined. But then again, it's only the Ivy League. Arne Thommessen is a senior Entrepreneurial Management and Finance major from Oslo, Norway. Hear Me Now, Believe Me Later appeared alternate Fridays.
(11/16/93 10:00am)
From Gregory Pavlik's "Note from the Laundry Room," Fall '93 From Gregory Pavlik's "Note from the Laundry Room," Fall '93Attentive readers of the Daily Pennsylvanian will already have noticed that William F. Buckley and his TV entourage will be pulling into the University of Pennsylvania campus to film a special episode of Firing Line, his boring, weekly PBS program, on the subject of – what else? – free speech. All two people who still want to hear rehashes of the water buffalo and DP confiscation stories will want to set aside time on their calenders for this one. But there is an important question that needs to be raised with regard to his visit. How is it that Buckley can stroll in and pass himself off as a civil libertarian on speech when his book before last, In Search of Anti-Semitism, was a rather convoluted argument in support of content-based speech codes for journalists? Ostensibly, the subject of his book is anti-Semitism, but he never quite gets around to defining what that term means. He does suggest however that "the structure of prevailing taboos respecting Israel and the Jews is welcome." The book breaks down to this: anyone guilty of breaking these "taboos" – again, undefined – is suspect of being an anti-Semite, and therefore is in need of expulsion from the world of journalism and opinion. In practice, this amounts to an effective media blackout on anything that a small clique of ultra-Zionist neoconservatives deem to be at odds with Jewish interests. As if to illustrate this point, Buckley, after agreeing to give space for the individuals insulted in his essay to respond, refused to run a letter from Professor Paul Gottfried – a prominent Jewish critic of neoconservatism. Now, I have no qualms with Israel's right to exist. There are many admirable qualities about the country. But no country is without its flaws, and no one has the right to squelch the voices of anyone that would dare to discuss those flaws. Not within what we still call the land of the free. Of course, this whole discussion provokes a range of questions: How is it that the editor of Commentary magazine and his wife, both of whom Buckley seems particularly eager to please, speak for all Jews everywhere? Are certain ultra-Orthodox Jews "anti-semitic" for their opposition to Zionism? And, the question I'll try to shed some light on, why is Buckley so desperate to suck up to the neoconservative interests represented by the Podhoretzes? Some light was shed on the subject in the September 30, 1993 issue of the Wanderer, a Catholic weekly. In an essay entitled "My Dinner with Bill," Sobran recounts an interesting story about a dinner conversation with Buckley. After he explained to Sobran the need to come to terms with the media power of the Podhoretz clan, the conversation took a revealing turn. As Sobran recounts: "I had just met a dear old Irish Catholic couple, by the name of Sullivan, at my friend Kevin Lynch's house . . . they told me one of the sweetest things I'd ever heard: that they prayed for me in their daily rosaries. I thought that Bill [Buckley] might find this moving too, so I told him about it. If I live to be 100, I'll never forget his reaction. His face just curdled in contempt, and he snarled, 'You don't need those people.'" Oh? As Sobran points out, "those people" are the kind of people that supported the National Review from the start. Not only does Buckley need "those people," but he owes them. Sobran's keenest observation is also the greatest irony of the whole episode. It was devout Catholics like that couple who were the most fervent apologists for Buckley when his current set of friends were busying themselves denouncing Buckley as a Nazi. Buckley would have plenty of Jewish support without pandering to neoconservatives like the Podhoretzes, and these people would have been authentic allies. Equally as revealing is Buckley's treatment in his book of celebrated author Gore Vidal. Vidal's crime was to write a scintillating piece in my favorite weekly, the Nation, entitled "The Empire Lover's Strike Back." It seems the victims of his roast were Norman Podhoretz and Midge Decter. The verdict, as we have seen, for anyone that disagrees with them – let alone insults them – is "anti-Semite." Of course, Vidal was being funny and not at all anti-Semitic in his writings. But since he made the reasonable suggestion that the Podhoretzes register with the Justice Department before continuing their lobbying on behalf of a foreign power, he stepped over the line. So it seems that the explanation for Buckley's little tirade and his personal betrayals amounts to his willingness to stoop to any level to please those centered around a New York neoconservative elite. In order to fully reflect the interests of any minority, we must have the necessary protections of speech codes, etc., that are always demanded when an agenda might be threatened by honest and open debate. I still scratch my head and wonder why we need to fight wars in the Middle East, or dish out foreign aid, or tolerate the bombing of U.S. ships, or excuse the spying of a foreign country, or ... you get the picture. But under the auspices of Pope Bill and his friends, no one is allowed to talk about any of these things – unless they have the proscribed opinion. Buckley should take his dog and pony show elsewhere. Maybe Penthouse will be holding a forum on free speech soon. I know they've enjoyed his contributions in the past. Gregory Pavlik is a senior Materials Science and Engineering major from Delran, New Jersey. Idols of the Theater appears alternate Tuesdays.
(11/11/92 10:00am)
To the Editor: The speeches were obviously composed, based on the stereotypical image of the fraternity member who is only interested in drinking, drugs, and sex. It is, therefore, no wonder that the pledges responded as they did -- that is, the way in which they were expected to respond -- with "hooting and howling." I would hope that University administrators -- not to mention the University community, in general -- change their attitudes towards the Greek system in the future. Perhaps viewing and treating fraternity members as mature, responsible young men will encourage them to behave as such. At the very least, administrators will be able to absolve themselves of blame in any cases which may link fraternity members to sexual harassment, once they stop contributing to the problem by reinforcing old stereotypes. There are some people on this campus who do not subscribe to the notion that fun is defined as "getting drunk and getting laid." I am one of them. And the administration may be surprised -- read: shocked out of their minds -- to find there are a lot of us out there. I wish the administration would stop putting their "Sex Education Seminars" and "A.I.D.S. Awareness Weeks" together with the following mind set: "Yes, abstinence is actually the safest -- read: foolproof -- option, but since you horny little critters have no common sense or self control whatsoever here, have a condom!" Frankly, I find this mentality insulting. Give us the respect we deserve by at least mentioning it as an option -- and a positive one, at that?even for guys. Please don't throw that old double standard back in our faces! CORINE TAKIGUCHI Wharton '94
(09/17/92 9:00am)
The Daily Pennsylvanian, when reporting on the fact that the University had rescinded the Master's degree from a graduate student who had plagiarized the work in the thesis (DP 9/17/92), quoted Janice Madden as saying this was the first time a degree had been rescined by the University. Actually, she had said that it was the first one she knew of; but, in fact, there are some precedents. According to the Trustees' Minutes, a bachelor's degree in Economics, awarded to H. Sokolove in 1932, was withdrawn because of "charges owing." In 1766, Issac Hunt, who would have been granted a masters of arts degree, had it withdrawn because he wrote a "scurrilous" article. In 1918, Wilhelm II, His Imperial Majesty Friedrich, German Emperor and King of Prussia, had the honorary doctorate degree he had been granted in 1905 stricken from the roles. At the same time, the honorary doctorate degree granted in 1911 to Count Johann Heinrich von Bernstorff, the German ambassador to the United States, was also rescinded. These actions were for "high crimes and misdemeanors and offenses against civilization and the humanities." (I thank Gail Pietrzyk, Public Service archivist, and Curtis Ayers, bibliographic assistant, for examining the Trustees' Minutes at my request.) What they did decide, on March 24, 1992, by a vote of 21 to zero with one abstention, was that they themselves did not wish to take photographs. This would occur only in the event that members of the University, who had been told that they were in violation of the Guidelines of Open Expression, subsequently refused to show their University identification -- itself a futher violation -- despite a warning that photographs or videotapes would be taken unless identification were presented. ROBERT DAVIES Emeritus Professor Molecular Biology
(09/16/92 9:00am)
To the Editor: At one point, the column suggests elimination of car insurance for a vehicle not in use during the semester. Students should be warned that many states have no-fault or financial responsibility statutes mandating liability insurance for any registered vehicles. What is not immediately obvious is a portion of many of those statutes -- including Pennsylvania's -- which requires denial of medical coverage from any motor vehicle insurance source if the owner of an uninsured vehicle is injured in a motor vehicle accident. This is true even if that injured person is the innocent one, a passenger or perhaps a pedestrian struck by a car. One merely has to have a registered, uninsured vehicle to be denied most benefits. By the way, I've just got to know, why is a chalk dispenser worth 5,000,000 points? Also, why is it "amazing"? LOUIS SLAWE Attorney
(04/09/92 9:00am)
From Sumeet Goel's "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?", Spring '92 Yeah, she testified before a congressional committee. Yeah, she accused a potential member of our highest court of sexual harassment. In any case, did this Oklahoma University Law School professor suddenly attain jurisprudence nirvana, making her the ultimate authority on the laws of sexual harassment? The answer is obviously no. No, she doesn't know the laws better than any of our law professors. No, she didn't bring unique insight to her speech (because she never even mentioned the case itself). No, she didn't go that far beyond the five paragraph summary of the definition of sexual harassment as outlined on page A8 of Monday's Daily Pennsylvanian. Yet, no one can fault her for what she did. It's the American Way: find a sucker and then milk him for every penny he's got. She spoke to this community for an hour about her area of expertise -- law -- plain and simple. If someone offered you $11,000 to speak for an hour on the various merits of different beers, could you do it? Sure. Would you do it? Without a doubt. No, the fault lies with the University. It wasn't as if those involved didn't know how Anita Hill was going to address sexual harassment. The moment she was contacted, she told the University that she would not discuss the hearings and that she "didn't want to hear the name Clarence Thomas." Like any sane individual, she steered away from the area that would make her uncomfortable and instead stayed on the topic that she knew she could do no wrong with: law. Leaders of Connaissance told me that the true purpose behind bringing Anita Hill to Penn was to bring a timely issue onto campus for discussion and to reach as many people as possible. The controversial hearings -- not the person Anita Hill -- may have brought sexual harassment to the forefront of many a coffee table discussion, but does that mean we need to bring Hill to Penn at such considerable cost? I think not. She spoke to about 2,000 people, many of whom were not part of the Penn community. What would be the difference if, during this past week, our law professors discussed the problem in class, and were also asked to hold other presentations and/or speeches addressing sexual harassment? You don't think that could have reached 2,000 people in just the same way? C'mon, get serious -- these discussions probably would have been more pertinent, too. Hell, a series of smaller discussions held around campus would have been more effective than being told about sexual harassment law for an hour. Connaissance and the Women's Studies department can call this a success, but they know better. Face it, 2,000 people did not go to see Anita Hill because they wanted to improve their understanding of sexual harassment law. They went because of pubic hair in a Coke. They went because of Long Dong Silver. They went because of Arlen Specter, Ted Kennedy, Orrin Hatch and company. They went because of Clarence Thomas and a media blitz unlike any other. And they were disappointed. The only ones who came away with any sort of positive reaction were experiencing what is commonly referred to as "cognitive dissonance" -- I spent $20,000 last year to learn to use that term instead of "sour grapes." Anita Hill? She came away from the speech experiencing what is commonly referred to as "pull the wool over their eyes." Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking Anita Hill's intelligence. She's a brilliant woman. $11,000 per speech. Book about the hearings in the works. CBS probably planning a mini-series for next fall. If she works it right, this snowballs into a hell of a lot of money. They said that she faked it for the publicity. They said that no woman would have put herself through that hell just for the money. Regardless of what really happened, she's reaping profits now because of a country's obsession with sensationalism. Don't you feel proud to be a small part in all of it? · JUST WONDERING: Don't worry, no lyrical problems, just a question: Have you ever tried a bourbon, scotch and beer in succession? No wonder George Thorogood sounds like that. That combo would kill anyone's voice. Sumeet Goel is a sophomore Communications and Finance major from Parsippany, New Jersey. "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?" appears alternate Thursdays.
(03/05/92 10:00am)
From Sumeet Goel's "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?", Spring '92 Personally, I become self-actualized (remember Maslow's hierarchy?) every time I walk through there now. Self-actualized to the extent that I now realize Penn's stupidity when it comes to spending huge sums of money on projects that are not really necessary, with funds that would be better spent elsewhere. Just some random numbers that I want to throw at you: $2.1 million, $65 million, $60 million, $16 million and $14 million. · 1. Class of '62 Walk: Probably the biggest waste of time and money I have seen -- or will ever see -- here at Penn. I don't care who gave the money for this, or how it was earmarked, you can't tell me that there's no other way to spend that money more responsibly or to convince the people who donated it to reallocate the funds. I don't know, but with some of that $2.1 million isn't it possible to take out and permanently replace the blocks on Locust that are either six inches below or above ground, and still have enough money left over to do about 20 other more beneficial projects? 1. Winter Wonderland: Sure it's a nice idea, but did we really get our money's worth of doughnuts and decorative lights over the last two years? It boggles my to think about how we can pay this much for ice sculptures that last for only a few hours, but can't get enough hot water to take a shower in the high rises at 10 a.m. 3. Institute for Advanced Science and Technology: For those of you who are under the assumption that the demolition of Smith Hall and subsequent construction of the research facility will be totally United States government funded, think again. Our friendly benefactors from D.C. will probably bestow upon Penn the sum total of $10 million for a project currently approximated -- more on those approximations below -- to cost around $75 million. For those non-math majors among us, that $65 million for Penn to come up with. 4. Revlon Center: Penn needs another campus (read: shopping) center about as much as it needs another tuition hike, but can they make up their minds as to how much we are going to get ripped off? The original estimates (in 1990) had the total cost approximated at $30,000,000, with groundbreaking in 1991 and completion by 1993. Now, the approximations are $60,000,000 -- groundbreaking by 1994, completion in 199?. Anyone want to bet that the numbers reach $100,000,000, 1996, 200? by next year sometime? 5. Logan Hall: Do you realize that this year's freshmen have not, and probably will never, see Logan Hall without that damn scaffolding surrounding it? Plus, the administration's kicked everyone out of there and sent them to the far reaches of campus. The scaffolding has been up on Logan Hall for so long that birds are now making nests in the pole corners. 7. Wharton Quadrangle/Mack Plaza: Did anyone count how many times they tried out different flowers and trees in front of Vance Hall last year? I'll grant you that the walk from Vance to Career Planning and Placement is now much more aesthetically pleasing, but did you know that -- according to what one administrator said last year -- the thing is supposed to resemble a second College Green, with trees and places for frisbee throwing? Yeah, okay . . . We don't know how much money was spent on all this, because the donations and budgets weren't disclosed. Further, as soon as you come over the 38th Street bridge, heading east, just opposite the Bookstore -- need more directions? -- you see a fenced-off area. Pleasant, isn't it? Well, some of the money for the Quadrangle is going to this area's much needed restoration. The traffic between McNeil and the Computing Resource Center right at that juncture was so heavy that the move was, without a doubt, entirely necessary. Let's take a vote: How many of you would rather see the money go towards more security on campus, so we don't have to deal with muggings right on Locust Walk? · Sure, the money for some of these projects is specifically earmarked ahead of time, and the financial contributors for them obviously want something more than some replaced Locust Walk blocks named after themselves. However, isn't it nice to dream about what life would be like if Penn used the non-earmarked monies for more beneficial projects, and spent as much effort trying to convince alumni and companies to fund projects worth something valuable, as they do kissing their respective asses so that they can have a section of campus named after them? Let's see, from what we know about their budgets, the above projects total $157 million dollars, plus an undisclosed amount for the Shearson-Lehman Hutton Quadrangle, plus several hundred brownies and sundry other items for Winter Wonderland. And with 20,000 undergraduate and graduate students at the University, if we divide that by 20,000 it comes to . . . about $9000 a student. Wow, think about what you could do with $9,000: go to Cancun for 25 spring breaks in a row, buy a decent Honda, build speed bumps for those oh-so-dangerous Penn bikers . . . or here's a novel idea: a 75-percent-off sale. Go to Penn for a whole year for the cost of a quarter-year's tuition! · JUST WONDERING: I think Peter Gabriel is an awesome singer, but sometimes he can be so incomprehensible. Does anyone know the opening words to "Sledgehammer"? Eh-heh-oo-bee, Eh-bow-dee-oo-zem . . . and then later on in the song: I'm your sledgehammer, Let there be no doubt about it, Sledge, sledge, sledge, I get ________! I kicked the habit . . . (and if it is what I think it is, why would you want to kick the habit?) Sumeet Goel is a sophomore Communications and Finance major from Parsippany, New Jersey. "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?" appears alternate Thursdays.
(02/10/92 10:00am)
Having had the opportunity to work in my parents' liquor store for the past 11 years, I was truly enlightened by Sarah Goldfine and Theresa Weir's extensive knowledge on customer/merchant relations. After reading "Sam's Place and the Evils of White Gentrification" (DP 2/10/92), I realized how selfish my parents have been. The very thought of protecting the "loot" that we worked 13 hours a day and seven days a week for made me sick to my stomach. Although I'm not familiar with the facts surrounding the Andre McNatte case, here's a dose of reality. In the past 11 years, my parents have been physically assaulted, spat upon, verbally abused and robbed at gunpoint six times. We have accepted these incidents as a part of doing business. There will always be people like Goldfine and Weir who will point to high prices, poor merchandise and "rudely racist" owners as almost a justification for these acts. This belief is as moronic as saying that all black customers are criminals and I don't buy it for a second. I agree that with any shooting -- especially one involving a 14-year-old teenager -- there should be a full investigation. And if Kevin Dales is at fault, he should be charged with murder. But let's not forget that some 14-year old kids do carry guns, commit armed robberies and, yes, sometimes even kill. In a holdup, it's not always easy to tell whether the object in the criminal's pocket is a gun, knife or maybe even a finger. But in that situation, I have the absolute right to act upon the actual or perceived threat on my life. Unfortunately, deadly force is sometimes the only viable option. So although I cannot fully condone Kevin Dales' actions, I cannot altogether condemn them either. This case needs to be evaluated on the evidence alone and not tinged with generalities about evil store owners and oppressed customers. GREG SHIN Wharton '92
(10/02/91 9:00am)
A. One, and that's me, and it's going on my resume. · "Hear ye, hear ye. All students in the College of Arts and Sciences, thou art shit! Your studies are too liberal. The classes you are taking are not providing you with marketable skills. You will not find a job when you graduate college." Yes, fellow College students, this is what Wharton students are saying about us. Even if they don't say it, believe you me, they're thinking it. But don't limit this attitude just to students, because the instructors in Wharton are thinking it too. I've even got friends in Wharton who seem pretty convinced that I'll be begging them for a job a few years down the road. Fortunately, they have already offered me custodial positions. I'm quite grateful. The bottom line is that Whartonites have no respect for the College. Sure, they take classes in the College, but that's because they have no choice. The liberal arts requirement is a pain in their tight asses. A Wharton student's vocabulary contains the word "merger," but not the words "piano concerto." They know Trump, but not Picasso. Wharton students also think that the prestige of this university is seeded in their school. When Wharton students are asked where they go to school, the response is usually, "I go to the Wharton School," not "I go to the University of Pennsylvania." The University of Pennsylvania is another school, in another world. Hell, it's probably not even a member of the Ivy League. I think it's about time for Wharton students to have their attitudes adjusted. It's time for them to come down from their high horses. They need to see the light, the value of liberal arts. On behalf of all students in the College, I'm going to provide some information that will hopefully help cure Wharton students of their econ-o-centricism. First, the prestige of this school can be attributed as much to the College, if not more, than to Wharton. Of the many people who research and rank colleges, one of the most respected is Dr. Jack Gourman. In his book, entitled The Gourman Report, he ranks colleges according to individual departments. What follows is a list of some liberal arts departments at Penn and their respective rankings, as per Gourman's study: American Studies, 2nd. Anthropology, 4th. Arabic, 3rd. Asian Studies, 5th. Chinese, 4th. Communications, 3rd. Comparative Literature, 5th. Economics, 8th. French, 8th. Hebrew, 3rd. Japanese, 3rd. Linguistics, 7th. Near/Middle Eastern Studies, 3rd. Psychology, 3rd. Russian, 4th. Scandinavian, 7th. Urban Studies, 1st. In addition to the preceding College departments, other highly ranked programs are: Astrophysics, 9th; Bioengineering, 2nd; Biophysics, 9th; and Nursing, 3rd. I know all you Wharton students just skimmed the paragraphs above, so go back and read them again. When you're done, try and tell me that this school's prestige lies only in the Wharton School. Several Wharton students have also bragged to me that it is much harder to get into Wharton than the College. Being the skeptic that I am, I decided to call the Admissions Office to verify this alleged statistic. Naturally, the admissions administration refused to disclose a thing. So as far as the student body is concerned, there is no proof of this Wharton brag. Despite all the Wharton bashing, they deserve some credit. The Wharton School has added a language requirement, implemented with this year's freshman class. Maybe a couple of semesters of foreign language will humanize the scoundrels. But it is a long shot. Students of the College, it is up to us. We are the only salvation left for Wharton students. We must teach them respect for the liberal arts. Curt Soloff is a sophomore Communications major from Overland Park, Kansas. Who's The Weasel Now? appears alternate Wednesdays.
(09/26/90 9:00am)
A Drexel University program aimed at improving math and science teaching in Philadelphia has received a $100,000 boost from Uncle Sam. Last June, Drexel won a federal grant to expand the Teacher Preparation Program -- an "institute" meant to bolster elementary and middle school teaching in math-and science-related fields. The program is designed to encourage more high school and college students to pursue those subjects. "This nation is in a crisis period in the learning of mathematics and science," said Fredricka Reisman, the program's director. "We have to do more than just talk about the issue." Every middle school in the city is required to send two teachers to the program. This summer, the teachers participated in a five-week training session, which included nine hours of weekly instruction, and three hours of weekly discussions and demonstrations. "We're teaching them like we want them to teach their students," Reisman said. "If they [the teachers] are modeling fear and avoidance of math and science, then that's what their students will learn." Ryda Rose, a lecturer here at the University's Graduate School of Education, has been a lead instructor in the Drexel program for two years This summer the program focused on concepts in heat, light and motion. Tests of the teachers before and after the program have shown "phenomenal growth results," Reisman said. During the year, she and other instructors will visit the teachers in their classrooms and videotape them to further monitor the results. The grant has allowed Drexel to expand the program, which was created in conjunction with the Philadelphia Renaissance in Science and Mathematics Program. Drexel was chosen to receive the grant because of the school's comprehensive program and Philadelphia's need for an improved educational system. "The very first part of the proposal had to do with local need assessment," said Linda Benedetto, of the Pennsylvania Department of Education in Harrisburg. Benedetto is on the state committee which doles out the federal funds. Reisman said that Drexel will be apply for the grant again next year.
