Random Dude At A Party, Vol. 12
1. Describe your ideal lingerie set.
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1. Describe your ideal lingerie set.
Nothing says spring like taking your pet out for a sunny walk. Some fine Tabard women have circumvented the animal policy on campus by giving some cherished Havaianas a tour of Locust. Picking beachwear over man's best friend? Any day.
Today is a sad day for brunch enthusiasts. Café Renata, a favorite brunch place on 43rd and Locust, has closed down due to damage caused by a fire earlier this week. Thankfully, the owners are safe, but it looks like it's goodbye to bottomless coffee and that delicious, decadent chocolate french toast.
There are lots of different things we wish to see added to this bustling community: perhaps a food option besides Wawa that's open late on the weekends (the bring back Philly Diner movement begins now), a new gym with little treadmill cubicles so you don't have to make so much awkward eye contact with semi-acquaintances in Pottruck, or maybe even an open napping space where you can nod off and drool to your heart's content between classes free from social stigma.
We've already had our fair share of bathroom related messages telling us to clean up our act. However, the fun just doesn't stop. See below for two fun little notes from VP and McClelland.
Congratulations, you now have the privilege of tutoring a ninth grader whose achievements easily surpass yours. This "precocious, motivated" 14-year-old will be taking a year off of her intensive high school curriculum to study in one year what you will probably take 4 years at Penn to do. For an unbeatable 10 bucks an hour, you get the privilege of being blessed by a 9th grader's scholarly knowledge of the Great American classics...via Skype. If you are a Penn student with a high level of pretentiousness, perpetual desire to be around annoying people, and inexplainable amount of free time despite the fact that you, too, are currently pursuing academia, then this is the job for you. Oh, and just a reminder: your tutee is bilingual and tri-cultural, so don't forget to take a visit to Sao Paulo and brush up on your Mandarin a little bit before accepting this job offer — you want to avoid potential for an awkward power dynamic.
Penn has a fair share of celebs we love to claim, and now's your time to shine! Extras are needed for the upcoming Rocky spinoff movie, Creed.
The scene of the crime: Wishbone. Evidence includes shattered glass, potentially lost chicken, and very distressed-looking witnesses. Street-goers gathered outside Wishbone, and, too, mourned the loss of the forgone remnants of deep-fried deliciousness. Witnesses inside the scene shared a moment of quiet desperation. To the chicken: you will be missed.
Nothing says Monday morning like a soothing hot shower to start off your week. At 7 a.m. this morning, some freshmen in the Quad were delightfully awakened by a sprinkling of piping hot mist when a water conduit in Ware burst, flooding a newly purchased laptop charger, hamper full of laundry, and entire dorm room floor.
While we were spending the last several days furiously grieving over the departure of Chili's, it appears a certain replacement restaurant has made its way to 3801 Chestnut. A "Coming Soon" sign for Tarka, an "authentic asian cuisine" joint, was recently spotted between the walls of our forlorn lunch-spot-to-be. Which begs the question...what the hell is it? Will it perhaps be yet another excuse to spend inordinate amounts of money on food? Or will it thankfully serve as a purveyor of food that doesn't fail safety inspections?
Forget formatting your resumé and OCR— your time is better spent blurring out any trace of Franzia in your Facebook cover photos.
Welcome to Locust Flyperlatives, where we take the Locust flyers everyone loves to loathe and give them awards. Easy enough right? Here are this week's winners.
We have a wing-eater extraordinaire among us: This weekend, a Wharton senior won the college-division at Philadelphia's Wing Bowl eating competition.
Apparently now there's a way you can go for a run, drink beer and save the earth all at the same time! Sly Fox Beer is releasing an ale in honor of our beloved Schuylkill River Trail and some of the proceeds from its sale will go to improving and maintaining our favorite "off-campus" running spot, the SRT. So next time you have to beat yourself up to get out of bed and go for a jog, remember you get to reward yourself with "the perfect post-activity beer." Who knew a freezing run at the crack of dawn had its perks?
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to see a picture of a Wawa hoagie magnified 1500 times? Or your TA's weird mole? Or your roommate's toothbrush? Not to worry, the Wistar Institute, aka the building that was under construction for centuries, has (sort of) answered your prayers.
We've had our fair share of bizarre Penn-related YouTube bits in the past — from the silly to the absurd — but nothing beats these. Gracefully brought to you by perhaps the most suspect and useless YouTube channels ever — "Epic Entertainment" and "Witty definitions," you won't walk away from this without having a greater knowledge of how to spell the name of this beloved institution.
St. Elmo, November 22
While you wallow in despair about the five courses you didn't get during advanced registration, or the unspeakable arctic windchill that's blowing through campus right now, remember that GrubHub is offering free delivery for over 60 restaurants in the Philly area.
Not that we need another worthless ranking to identify with or anything, but the Daily Beast just ranked Penn as the #21st happiest college! It seems like their ranking criteria is rather scant, but can we really argue with them? Reasons for earning this ranking may include (but are not limited to):
Happy Halloween to all you provocative animals, doctors, fruits, buildings, and the like! It's not even 3 p.m., but nevertheless we hope you're already drinking and getting ready, because this weekend is what we've waited all month for. Why not ponder over some flowery poetry while practicing your sexy meow? Nothing says hot and dangerous like haikus!