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Penn Promises to Build New Asian American Studies Building on 35th Street

(09/26/17 6:36am)

After a semester of student-led protests and petitions urging administrators to direct more resources into the Asian American studies program, extremely receptive Penn administrators have taken a huge step toward securing the future of the program. Penn recently announced plans to build a new Center for Asian American Studies on 35th Street, right in the heart of Penn's campus.

Clickbait: The Reason Why the Forum Is So Dimly Lit Will Shock You

(09/26/17 6:48am)

As a convenient spot to work between classes and meetings or while waiting for your GSR to become available, the forum is often occupied by students squinting to read their notes under lights as dim as their OCR prospects. But why would such an expensive building, a building with so much money, a building with so many rich people and stuff, have such feeble illumination? Under the Button ventured to find out the truth, and it was shocking.

Bathroom Review: The Quad

(09/26/17 6:57am)

So much went down in my freshman year bathroom. I pooped for the first time in my life, I met my first girlfriend (a shampoo bottle), and my roommate accidentally got addicted to meth after sitting on a needle someone left on the toilet seat. (Rest in peace my sweet Franzio; you did not deserve to get a fatal sunburn just days after kicking the meth addiction.) Now’s not the time to reminisce, though– we have a bathroom to review.

Revenge is Sweet: Student Signs Mortal Enemy Up for Every Club’s Listserv

(09/26/17 6:57am)

Cathy Jones (C ’20) has had a hard life; on top of getting rejected from Wharton Collaborative Consulting club and failing statistics, she also found herself at odds with one of her hallmates, Lily Hitchock (C ’20). Cathy and Lily have never gotten along. They always end up wearing the same outfit from Urban, going to the same coffee chat for the same internship, and stealing the hall’s only available washing machine right when the other person is about to use it.

Freshman at Frat Party Forgets to Take Picture With Her Girls

(09/27/17 5:13am)

Last Friday night, Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business freshman Jodie Levy seemed to be having the time of her life. Enraptured by the carefully curated mix of Top 40 hits playing at Kappa Pi Sigma's "Beach Don't Kill My Vibe" party, Levy danced all night with her fourteen best friends-- "my girls," she gushed-- that she had met the night before, describing the party as "just, like, really dope vibes."

Fresh Grocer Unveils 'Halo Top Cam' to Broadcast Ice Cream Availability

(09/25/17 6:39pm)

You know the drill. Stumble into Fro Gro in your pajamas on the hunt for something sweet. Replay your mom’s plentiful reminders to “watch your calorie intake because this isn’t high school anymore, sweetie.” Meander over to the frozen section. Feel wronged when the only Halo Top ice cream pint left is Strawberry. Ignore your mom’s pleas, buy the better tasting Ben & Jerry’s instead, eat the entire pint, and later realize you played yourself.

Heartbreaking: Professional Bartender Serving Cheap Beer at Registered Parties

(09/24/17 4:19pm)

It is no secret that many people have been impacted by Penn’s new task force and its stringent policies. Countless students have complained about the rules regarding alcoholic substances, and the mandatory use of bartenders and campus-sponsored staff at all parties. But perhaps no person has been hit harder than Charles Reynolds.

Frat House Crumbles After Partygoer Stealthily Nabs Crucial Structural Element

(10/23/17 6:06am)

For freshman and upperclassmen alike, open fraternity events provide a unique opportunity to steal valuable items, such as toothpaste, wall decorations, a handle of cheap vodka, or crackers from the kitchen cabinet. The experience leaves them with an adrenaline rush, an inexplicable sense of fulfillment, and zero guilt about stealing from people, somehow. This past weekend, however, someone took the activity to its extreme.

Unicycle Rider Finds Loophole to University Bike Policy

(09/22/17 3:31pm)

When Harry Riley (SEAS’19) moved off campus, he immediately bought a new bicycle. Although the main reason for Riley’s purchase was because his friends were really tired of hearing how long his trek from 41st and Spruce to the Engineering Quad is, he also wanted everyone to see how cool his hair could look blowing in the wind.

7 On-Campus Restrooms You Can Totally Steal Toilet Paper From

(10/10/17 9:39am)

It's Thursday night when you realize: it was your turn to buy toilet paper this week, and.... you forgot. What now? CVS is closed, and even if it wasn't, you can't really afford to spend $16.99 on two-ply right now. So you consider the worst—running over to Chipotle and grabbing some napkins—but you realize that you still have some dignity left. Instead, you resolve to steal some TP from one of the many bathrooms on campus. We've compiled a list of the best commodes from which you can purloin toilet paper: