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Leaving home is never easy, but it's a whole lot harder when you're saying goodbye to your furry, four-legged best friend, too. At least, that's usually the case.
A tale as old as time: you’re sitting in your first seminar for a new course and need to ask a question, but you stay silent because you don’t know how to address your professor. Should you call them Dr., Professor, or Mr. or Ms.? How do you pronounce their last name? Should you go with the classic “excuse me, Professor” or should you just yell “I have a question” into the void until your professor acknowledges you?
Just when Nick Snyder (C ‘21) finally worked up the courage to participate in his 300 person Psychology 001 lecture, things took a turn for the worst.
1. You format it correctly. Nothing screams “help me” like knowing how to actually format a resume. Sure, you might have a higher chance of getting an interview, but just know that everybody is very, very concerned for you.
It was shaping up to be just another PHYS 150 lecture. But then, inspiration suddenly struck Professor Chuck Jackson, who was writing out the small angle approximation for the sine function on the board.
Thank you so much, dedicated readers of my bathroom reviews. (That doesn’t apply to you, Bingus Michaelson. I read your spam comments every week and they hurt me.) Without your support, I could never have gotten the opportunity to review the holy grail of bathrooms: the bathroom in Penn president Amy Gutmann’s house.
Hi. Thanks for coming to this coffee chug. I got you two Dunkin’ Boxes of Joe. That’s a gallon of coffee, which should be enough.
Hi. It's me.
A recent study conducted by Penn’s Psychology Department has revealed some major news for the undergraduate population! The average student, according to head researcher Ana Mikovitz, “sleeps for just 3 hours a night and whines for 6 hours a day about how tired they are.”
It’s hard to find real heroes in today’s world. While the rest of us can barely spare the time to help out a fellow Quaker, James Kaplan (W ’19) is out there fighting the good fight.
It’s been tough-going for the party scene at Penn recently. Due to the newly energized and well-funded task force dedicated to “preventing sexual assault,” our reputation as Playboy’s 2014 Top Party School has been getting tarnished all over the place. Not only are super hip, cool gaming sessions being shut down by the Penn Police, but less exciting frat parties are also being regulated and shut down left and right! Even Halloweekend is in danger of ruin due to the administration’s scheduling of October 31st on a Tuesday. The brightest thinkers at this great university have been struggling to find a way around these new constraints.
Just when you thought it was safe to party again.
Alisa Masterman (C ‘18) learned about the importance of credible sources in her freshman writing seminar class three years ago. Unfortunately, she didn’t know how to put it into practice until more recently.
According to her roommate, Taylor Otto (C '20), Rachel Greenfield (E '20) is seriously the worst. Taylor had totally thought they were going to be best friends after spending 80 minutes together during NSO, but boy was she wrong. Rachel doesn't really take out the trash that often. Taylor is pretty sure that Rachel hasn't filled up the Brita filter once this semester. Some weekends Rachel does this thing where she comes home drunk and pukes in the sink, even though the toilet is right there! Worst of all? Rachel never does her dishes.
If you know anyone looking for an internship, this position is probably still open.
At this point, most freshmen have taken their first midterm. Not Benji Zucker, College freshman from Tallahassee, FL. Zucker, whose class schedule is far easier than most of his classmates, has blithely floated through college life by turning in the occasional reading response and pretending to do his reading. Then, he stepped on the Compass.
All Tim Peterson (C '85) wanted was to be memorialized in Penn history. He held Jon Huntsman, David Rittenhouse, and Ron Perelman in great esteem, and wanted to join them as a part of Penn’s campus. An alum of the University and a successful businessman, Peterson had exhausted all but one item on his bucket list: to have a building at his alma mater named after him.
With Halloweekend just a few weeks away, Penn students are scrambling to bring together unremarkable “zombie,” “sexy librarian,” and “college student” costumes. But this time around, one Wharton junior is thinking outside the box. After seeing some of the other business ventures his fellow Whartonites were pursuing, Marcus Samuelson (W’19) identified yet another opportunity for arbitrage.
Talk about "tradition"! Penn's oldest student group, the Philomathean Society, still uses messenger pigeons to communicate internally; meanwhile, other student groups today use GroupMe or a comparable platform invented in this decade for internal communications.
Bryce Williams (N’21) can’t stand a mess. If you’re a dust speck looking to make a home inside his room, tough luck. You’d have better odds trying to get into a consulting club. As a dust speck.