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Salutations, my dear readers, and welcome to the fifth installation in my Bathroom Review Series. Today, I am but an adventurer embarking on a journey through a place as nice as Warren Buffett and as meticulously maintained as Donatella Versace’s face: a bathroom in our beloved John M. Huntsman Hall.
It was discovered that a recent email chain between two female students contains the phrases "thank you" and "sorry" a startlingly large number of times. Each perpetrator used "thank you," "thanks," or some other variation of the expression no less than 20 times throughout the entire email chain. The same is true of the phrase "sorry."
Cole Medan, an English major with a concentration in Creative Writing (C '19), thought teaching would be perfect for him. He imagined himself becoming a John Keating of sorts, prompting his students to stand on desks and vandalize books in his honor. At the very least, he sought to impress the middle schoolers with his ability to ruthlessly cut all "to be" verbs from any sentence and make a really flowery introduction.
It’s always a treat to have celebrities visit — or even better, attend — our very attractive and popular institution. Every time a Penn alum is in the news, it's cause to lose your fucking shit. And because we were so interested in where celebrities lived, here's the logical follow-up, spilling the beans on where these celebrities pooped on campus.
For some, online communication just comes naturally.
False Imprisonment
College sophomore Laura Keating was walking out of Urban Outfitters when she noticed the Indego bike rack.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and a basic apple orchard photo keeps the followers in awe!
You heard it here first: Millennials are killing the flu industry. A recent study by the University of Pennsylvania Center for Medical Research found that significantly fewer millennials are getting the flu than previous generations. While the Baby Boomers beat Generation X in flu diagnoses by a fairly large margin, this difference was blown away by the new numbers emerging from longitudinal studies at Penn. The results have revealed a decrease in flu diagnoses between Generation X and millennials of a magnitude never before seen.
Wow. It is becoming increasingly clear to his teachers and classmates that College junior and Economics major Ben G. of Shaker Heights, Ohio, who has finished nine of the 12 credits required for his economics major, has learned far more about the intricacies of New York City-area prep school society politics than economic theory during his time at Penn.
Penn’s A Cappella scene is known for its varied sound: Pop, Jazz, Rock, Pop Fusion, Jazz and Pop, Pop and Jazz, Jazz-Pop Fusion. Penn’s newest A Cappella group, the Allegros, however, plans to revolutionize the genre by using instruments.
According to US News and World Report, Penn Vet Working Dog Center graduates have the highest median mid-career salary of all American dog schools.
It’s been quite a sombre day for Juliet Smith (C ’19). Sources report that the once-ambitious student has been forced to officially shut down and cease all operations for the nonprofit that she started while in high school.
Fine, I'll admit it. I need to come out and say one thing: I'm thankful for the task force.
"Distribution requirements suck," sighs Lena Brownstein (C' 18). Brownstein, a Comparative Literature major, is currently enrolled in Introduction to Geology (GEOL 100) to fulfill her Physical World requirement.
Nathan Kwan (E '19) is a man of many talents. Engineering Chair of the 2019 Class Board, captain of club squash, an avid cook and a gifted songwriter-- it really seems like Kwan does it all.
OMG! It’s Rachel. We haven’t seen her since at least NSO. How many cheek kisses is this fancy hello? Answer these questions, and see how many times you're going to kiss Rachel's perfect cheeks!
Do you know how much a 32 oz. Powerade squeeze water bottle 2-piece set is on Amazon?
It’s 5:00 pm after my three hour chemistry lab. In years past, this was the best time of the evening. I would run over from the Chem building to Frontera, get in line, and ask for my favorite—fully dressed guacamole and chips. This is my one release. It’s my 30 minutes of pretending I don't have any homework to do afterwards or meetings to attend later that night. It’s my 30 minutes when my best friends and I can get together before we head to Van Pelt and study the night away. Ask any alumnus what their favorite Penn food is: 9 out of 10 will not say something from Chipotle, but rather Frontera’s guac.
Jordan Taylor (E ’21) was looking forward to rushing a reputable and quality fraternity. After hours of eating free food, mingling with the brothers, and attending lavish outings, he finally received a bid from the frat he coveted most: Phi Psi.