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(10/29/17 3:35pm)
It's happened to us all: you're sitting in class, simply trying to enrich your mind and prepare for your upcoming exams, when a classmate engages you in stimulating, thoughtful conversation. This fucking blows. You've got the social capacity to chat about the weather, the syllabus, or maybe even the meme page. But stuff like thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires? That's more than you signed up for.
(10/28/17 3:35am)
In a recent university-wide email, President Amy Gutmann addressed a crucial, commonly overlooked issue on campus: the rampant cyberbullying in Penn's meme group, Official Unofficial Penn Squirrel Catching Club. Specifically, she cited the incessant cyberbullying of herself.
(10/28/17 3:32am)
College freshman Julia Gibson is super single. Like, she dumped her high school boyfriend of 2 years over the summer so she could wouldn't be tied down in college, and she's not sad about it at all. She also thinks she might be almost on the way to talking to this one guy, but she's not sure yet. So when she was tagged in a Penn Crushes post last night, she was thrilled.
(10/27/17 8:50pm)
It’s about time.
(10/28/17 6:43pm)
This past Thursday, one of Penn’s premiere A Capella groups, the Allegros, debuted their first-ever fall show. The co-ed singing group was formed last spring but has already received significant attention for their controversial usage of instruments in a cappella music.
(10/27/17 5:45pm)
Sometimes a well-defined jawline just isn't enough.
(10/27/17 3:51am)
Halloween is upon us, and, like you, the squad and I are here for it. Here are six Halloween costumes for the whole squad and Samantha’s boyfriend, because he’s probably going to be there too.
(10/27/17 4:23am)
Like thousands of high school seniors around the nation, Sonal Patel scrambled to assemble a list of colleges to which she will apply.
(10/27/17 4:38am)
After spending almost two-thirds of a highly complex lecture on quantum mechanics discussing his recent weekend trip to Jersey, physics professor Dr. Leo Mandwell looked at the clock and was absolutely astonished that there were only 5 minutes left. “I guess time flies when you’re having fun identifying angular nodes!” he said, completely unaware that he had only covered two slides the entire class.
(10/27/17 3:58pm)
We’ve all been there: you ask your friends to hang out and they all say they're busy, but their Bitmojis are all pretty close together on the Snapchat map. How can you tell if they’re all hanging out without you? Take this quiz to find out.
(10/27/17 3:51am)
This past Wednesday, President Donald J. Trump again
referenced his Penn education in an effort to correct the
popular opinion that he is “a moron."
(11/03/17 3:47am)
It looks like there might still be some good left in the world.
(10/27/17 3:50am)
Hi guys. Let it be known that I’m that girl, and I’m not ashamed.
(10/26/17 5:41pm)
On the first day of classes, in Huntsman Hall
(11/04/17 7:24pm)
In a long overdue move, the state of Pennsylvania has officially designated pre-orientation program PennQuest as a cult.
(10/26/17 4:39pm)
Whether it’s camping outside of Campus Apartments for 48 hours or making plans to move in with your freshman hall (who you’ll definitely be friends with forever), the quest to find housing can be tough. For the brothers of Omega Chi Rho (OCR), finding housing just got a little tougher.
(10/26/17 4:59pm)
Over the past few years, a phenomenon has permeated the internet: the “Mandela Effect,” which is the misremembering of certain facts or events. The theory gets its name from the widespread misunderstanding that Nelson Mandela died in jail in the ‘80s, when in reality, he died of natural causes in 2013. There are many examples of the Mandela Effect, but the most prominent instance of it is occurring right now at Penn, as students studying for midterms believe that there is “no way” they learned this material in class.
(10/26/17 9:13pm)
Quad residents all over can let out a huge sigh of relief after hearing this news! Disaster was averted today when three robbers fell short of their goal to break into the Quad. After the trio hacked into the PennCard System, added a malicious access code, and manufactured a counterfeit magnetic stripe that feigned that of the PennCard, it was only a matter of making it past the second round of security to get into the freshman houses. This was child’s play: the robbers were able to enter the maintenance tunnels using a ladder. Then, using a small pickaxe between the vacant hours of 3AM to 5AM every day for the past month, they were able to bore a hole through the foundations of the tunnel that landed them right on the first floor of Coxe. However, this is where the crooks ran into an unprecedented obstacle: the Riepe third floor Bishop White bathroom was locked.
(10/26/17 4:17pm)
Halloweekend is just around the corner, and if you want to get into any party worth going to, you're going to need a costume. But any old ensemble won't do; you have to show a little skin to turn heads! Here are 7 sexy Halloween costumes that'll have your man googling "signs and symptoms of pneumonia" before you can even shout "trick or treat!"
(10/26/17 3:51pm)
The students in the Thursday morning recitation of HIST209: Wars and Their Outcomes are known for their intense debates and insightful commentary. This week, however, one student stood out among the rest.