ALERT: As of Tuesday, the foot traffic on Locust Walk is now 90% dance troupe advertising for upcoming shows. The situation is dangerous, and is quickly reducing the practicality of using the pathway for anything other than an impromptu stage to advertise dance events. Pedestrians are advised to plan alternative routes and avoid boomboxes, pep, and punny names at all costs.
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Looking to surpass last year's record high number of applicants, Penn Admissions pulled out all the stops in marketing Penn to wealthy accomplished students this year. But preliminary Early Decision numbers indicate that their efforts were thwarted by an unexpected opponent: Kathy Lee, 68, from Park Rock, Georgia, who left a negative Facebook review on the University’s page.
This Guy's Squad Dressed Up as Event Observers for Halloween to Get into Every Single Party on Campus
Halloween night was looking like a bust for Engineering sophomore Jeffrey Simons and his friends. But then, they pulled off one of the craftiest endeavors in Penn’s recent history.
After breezing through the entire syllabus by the first week of October, tenured Professor Leslie Coleman has taken to showing a succession of documentary films for the remainder of her course.
Finally: No more awkward laps and no more unplanned run-ins with your freshman roommate. Students can now book a table at Starbucks Under Commons — if they are in Wharton, that is. As of next Monday, Starbucks Under Commons will officially be renamed Jon M. Huntsman Hall Under Commons.
Among college age students, the Juul economy has soared in recent years. Nearly every student either has or has been annoyed by these digital age cigarettes. Sophomore Bernard Rebholz (E ’20) is no stranger to fat clouds, but only recently has he been acquainted with fat stacks.
Every year, thousands of people dress up in skimpy cat costumes for Halloween. What you may not realize is that these costumes are deeply hurtful to those of us who are actually sexually aroused by anthropomorphic cats.
It was quite a weekend. After several nights out with the whole squad and Samantha’s boyfriend, Wharton freshman Hannah Scofield was hungover, exhausted, and thoroughly Hallow-ed out. So upon waking up this morning to several posts on Facebook about Halloween, she was pretty annoyed. It has been two days since Halloweekend, she figured people should stop posting about it.
In a series of bold moves that left dozens awestruck and countless others marveling at his intelligence, College sophomore Frank Lee has reportedly provided thoughtful and insightful commentary in a discussion-based recitation, despite never having done the readings or attended class.
Parents: You Don’t Love Your Child Unless You Bought One of These Lacquerware Giraffes During Parents' Weekend
Oh no! Apparently, unless you bought one of these lacquerware giraffes from the Locust Walk Bazaar during Parents' Weekend you have no strong emotional attachment to your offspring!
In the midst of celebrating its victory lap across America as cities like Philadelphia grovel for the honor of replacing entire neighborhoods with warehouses full of toilet paper, it looks like the world’s biggest e-Commerce site is taking at least one L this Halloween season.
Penn's spiciest publication takes on Penn's spiciest bowl.
In talking to her friends last week, alcoholic Sophia G. (W ‘19), reportedly claimed that “Tinder is too addictive” and that she “had to delete it off her phone” in order to “get her life in order.”
Jason Lee (W '20) usually doesn’t offer pitches in Wharton Undergraduate Business Analytics and Finance Group general body meetings, but this time he had a change of heart.
It happens to the best of us. You submit a beautifully crafted ode for your favorite hottie to the Penn Crushes page. You check the page regularly, eagerly waiting for it to appear. But alas, it never does.
If you somehow didn’t already have enough reasons to love Penn’s administration, you’ll love this: last Thursday, the Office of the President announced that, henceforth, the homophobic preachers who frequent College Green will no longer be allowed to harass prospective applicants.
Wow! These Penn students were handed free pocket-sized copies of the New Testament on Locust, actually causing them to immediately begin the conversion process. Christianity win!
Hi, girly! I hear you blasting some jams in your room. Are you pregaming?
It's happened to us all: you're sitting in class, simply trying to enrich your mind and prepare for your upcoming exams, when a classmate engages you in stimulating, thoughtful conversation. This fucking blows. You've got the social capacity to chat about the weather, the syllabus, or maybe even the meme page. But stuff like thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires? That's more than you signed up for.
In a recent university-wide email, President Amy Gutmann addressed a crucial, commonly overlooked issue on campus: the rampant cyberbullying in Penn's meme group, Official Unofficial Penn Squirrel Catching Club. Specifically, she cited the incessant cyberbullying of herself.