Finals season is upon us, and many students from the area are migrating home to increase their productivity while they prepare for exams. Allie Gross (E '20) is among the homeward bound, but one thing sets her apart from her peers: Allie has no intention of returning to campus this year.
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If you don’t count checkout lines, Winston Zheng (E ‘20) hasn’t been within five feet of a woman in months.
Listen up people. You’re never going to hear a story like this again.
Many students hoping to pursue a career in medicine, surgery, and health cite altruistic reasons as their motives for choosing the rigorous premed track. Again and again, these students say they "want to make a difference in the world", "help others", and "buy [their] girlfriends a new Bugatti."
At the start of every class, Professor Rosenberg adjusts the microphone on the podium at the front of the classroom. He taps on it twice to get the students’ attention, and then begins his lecture.
Next time you try to blow off some steam by bullying 12-year-olds on video games, make sure that the "stupid kid" isn't your Chem TA.
Penn has the fewest reading days in the Ivy League. It should come as no surprise, then, that Penn’s literacy rate is so low.
Pre-Freshman Excited To Access Over 6 Million Library Books, With Even More Available Through InterLibrary Loans
Morgan Bernstein (C ’22) is eager to access the 6,540,557 physical volumes held in the Penn Libraries collection when she arrives on campus next fall.
Mom, you promised that if I ever felt uncomfortable at a party that you would pick me up. I know you’re in Michigan at the moment, but I need to be out of here in 15 minutes. The kids are all drinking and grinding on each other, and I’m pretty sure that there are swear words in the music. You were right, Cindy’s mom Susan was smart to only let us play the clean version of songs at our lights-on parties: this environment is vulgar.
Report: Girl Sitting on Toilet in VP Basement for Past 12 Hours, Waiting for Everybody to Leave So She Can Take a Peaceful Shit
Like many other students, Victoria Lyons (C ‘20) has a very religious finals week routine: she wakes up, buys six iced coffees, spends 17 hours at a desk in the Van Pelt library basement, and then passes out on the nearest couch, only to do the same exact thing the next day.
OP-ED: I'm a Member of One of the Mendicant Orders Founded in the Twelfth Century. Stop Appropriating My Name for Your Senior Society.
I’m a friar.
OP-ED: Roommate Used Three Bottles of My Argan Oil Conditioner But Venmo Charged Me $0.45 For an Aleve
My roommate and I get along well, I think, but sometimes I get a little annoyed at how he acts. I don’t know if I’m a bad roommate for thinking this, but hear me out.
Michael Richmond (E ’20) has been skipping a lot of his classes lately. After starting the semester on a good note, the early mornings and endless periods of procrastination have caught up to him. Or so everyone thinks.
Saturdays may be for the boys, but Fridays are for FNCE100 Professor Joe Harris’ office hours.
Junior Paul Maloney (C ‘19) did whatever he could to get into the Ivy League. He knew admissions were competitive, and simply having good grades and a high SAT score wouldn’t automatically grant him admission. While browsing through PrepScholar, he read a guide that claimed it would guarantee admission into some of the top schools in the US. Intrigued, Maloney read it and followed every step.
Sophomore Allison Jackman begins all of her texts with a lowercase letter. While it comes off as chill and casual, Jackman actually uses it to compensate for her abrasive attitude.
An unidentified man recently booked a Group Study Room on the ground floor of Huntsman Hall to eat his Chipotle bowl and stare at the wall.
History Major Unsure When World War I Started, Steers Conversation Towards Attitudes Around Women's Sexuality and Agency in Rural Arkansas in 1954
Cold calling is the worst. Deborah Tanner (C '19) was caught off guard earlier this semester when her professor, hoping to throw a history major a softball question, asked her what year World War I started in their seminar class.
In this day and age, it can be hard to find your footing when trying to convince someone to sleep with you in your twin XL bed, all based on the vague allure of an unsatisfying or faked orgasm. However, this didn’t stop James Fulton (C ’20) from trying an alternative method to lure a girl into his unsanitary dorm room.