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OP-ED: I Refuse to Support This Destructive and Irresponsible Senate Tax Bill Until It Is Presented to Me in MLA Format

(12/04/17 8:19pm)

In a shocking display of cynicism and disregard for 99% of the American population, the United States Senate passed a tax reform bill before sunrise on Saturday morning which bestows extensive tax cuts upon the rich and massive benefits to corporations, leaving the rest of America in the dust, without even bothering to properly format the document.


How To Pretend You Want to Be Ryan's Date to Formal When You Really Just Want a New Profile Picture

(12/04/17 8:08am)

Ladies! Formal season is here, which means it's the ideal time of the year to change your profile on Faceb- I mean, to get out of your comfort zone and meet someone! As you know, the best (and really, the only) way to meet a man at Penn is to be his date to his formal. That's where it all starts!


5 Subtle Ways to Let Your Hot Professor Know You're a Sapiosexual

(12/05/17 5:56am)

Sometimes, you just cant help it: you're supposed to be engaged in the class material, or otherwise keeping detailed records of it, but your mind wanders off to a fantasy of you and your professor walking hand in hand into a mom-and-pop bookstore, or a large academic conference. Let's just face it. Your professor is hot.





Campus Uproar Over John de New College House West’s Slave-Owning History

(12/04/17 8:12am)

New College House West, named after prominent South Carolina senator and Penn School of Medicine Class of 1790 alum, John de New College House West, hasn't been built yet but is already facing backlash. After Penn’s announcement of the name of the new addition to the west side of campus, student groups across campus have announced their opposition due to the legacy of its namesake. College Green sit-ins by protesters and counter-protesters are planned for the weekend.





"Food Nowadays has too Many GMOs," Says Junior, Regular Cocaine User

(12/02/17 5:40pm)

Genetically modified organisms, or GMOs, are crops that have been genetically engineered for various reasons. They are so common nowadays that it is often hard to avoid them in place of organic foods. One junior, however, is adamantly taking a stance against the domineering presence of these genetically engineered foods on the shelves of grocery stores. Sara Clemson, a junior studying Cinema Studies in the college, strictly eats organic food items and finds GMOs absolutely awful.



BREAKING: Amy Gutmann Sends Email Taking Obvious Stance on Social Issue

(12/02/17 5:34pm)

On Wednesday, President Gutmann sent out a campus-wide email denouncing the practice of being mean to small animals. “Here at the University of Pennsylvania, we have a strong commitment to being nice to puppies and kittens,” she wrote. “We are unashamed of our morals and are willing to stand by them at all costs."




Student Doesn’t Care About Divestment from Fossil Fuels, Just Loves Sitting

(12/01/17 5:11am)

Last Wednesday, Engineering sophomore Jeffrey Bates took a stand by taking a seat with Fossil Free Penn to protest Penn’s participation in the fossil fuel industry. However, Bates later clarified that he had ulterior motives for participating in the demonstration. “Looks can be deceiving," he said. "Sure, it’s important that Penn divest from fossil fuels, but it’s more important that I get to spend 36 hours completely sedentary.”