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Between finals, formals, and the holidays, winter can sure be busy. Everyone wishes they could pump the brakes on their hectic schedules and kick back with a warm spiced cider instead. But how?
In a shocking display of cynicism and disregard for 99% of the American population, the United States Senate passed a tax reform bill before sunrise on Saturday morning which bestows extensive tax cuts upon the rich and massive benefits to corporations, leaving the rest of America in the dust, without even bothering to properly format the document.
Ladies! Formal season is here, which means it's the ideal time of the year to change your profile on Faceb- I mean, to get out of your comfort zone and meet someone! As you know, the best (and really, the only) way to meet a man at Penn is to be his date to his formal. That's where it all starts!
Sometimes, you just cant help it: you're supposed to be engaged in the class material, or otherwise keeping detailed records of it, but your mind wanders off to a fantasy of you and your professor walking hand in hand into a mom-and-pop bookstore, or a large academic conference. Let's just face it. Your professor is hot.
According to a report released today, the world has officially reached capacity for boys named Matt.
Hey, Mr. Bouncer, my man! How’s your night going so far? Mine’s pretty great. I actually came here from another bar with my other 21+ friends you see around me. Oh, you want to see my ID? The second piece of legal identification I obtained, the first one being my birth certificate? For sure!
Junior Rick Sanchez walked out of his last midterm feeling entirely defeated. After stepping out of his packed Williams classroom, he realized he really should have purchased the textbook. The exam consisted of an essay, entirely focused on the text readings.
New College House West, named after prominent South Carolina senator and Penn School of Medicine Class of 1790 alum, John de New College House West, hasn't been built yet but is already facing backlash. After Penn’s announcement of the name of the new addition to the west side of campus, student groups across campus have announced their opposition due to the legacy of its namesake. College Green sit-ins by protesters and counter-protesters are planned for the weekend.
It all makes sense now.
Did you finish all ten of your free New York Times articles for the month, but it's only December 3rd? That's okay! Here are a few other news outlets that could function as alternatives for the rest of the month:
Katrina Hong (W ’20) started developing her app, Quibblr, last week in her dorm room. Now, she’s leaving Penn for Silicon Valley to take it to the next level.
Genetically modified organisms, or GMOs, are crops that have been genetically engineered for various reasons. They are so common nowadays that it is often hard to avoid them in place of organic foods. One junior, however, is adamantly taking a stance against the domineering presence of these genetically engineered foods on the shelves of grocery stores. Sara Clemson, a junior studying Cinema Studies in the college, strictly eats organic food items and finds GMOs absolutely awful.
With finals fast approaching, you may think you know some people who are screwed. But they’re probably not as screwed as Tyler James (E '20).
On Wednesday, President Gutmann sent out a campus-wide email denouncing the practice of being mean to small animals. “Here at the University of Pennsylvania, we have a strong commitment to being nice to puppies and kittens,” she wrote. “We are unashamed of our morals and are willing to stand by them at all costs."
Hello all—
Brad Myers (C ‘19) is a people person. He came to Penn to party and have fun, because he knew he didn’t have to work hard. Brad was the type of person to talk to you once and make you fall in love. He knew as soon as he arrived that could bootlick his way to a 4.0 GPA.
Last Wednesday, Engineering sophomore Jeffrey Bates took a stand by taking a seat with Fossil Free Penn to protest Penn’s participation in the fossil fuel industry. However, Bates later clarified that he had ulterior motives for participating in the demonstration. “Looks can be deceiving," he said. "Sure, it’s important that Penn divest from fossil fuels, but it’s more important that I get to spend 36 hours completely sedentary.”
Are you enrolled in a poetry class this semester but unsure about how to command the respect you deserve?
What are we, you ask?
Jonathan Lin (W '19) has a passion for LinkedIn. With 500+ connections, a premium membership, and 78 endorsements for the skill "Leadership," Lin has LinkedIn on lock.