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4 Ways to Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with People You Made out with at Ken's Seafood BYO

(01/30/18 11:15pm)

It’s a Saturday night, and you’re at a Ken’s Seafood BYO with some club you’ve only been to twice (but you’re still somehow on the exec board). You scream-sing “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson with some random dude you just met, and before you know it, you’re making out. Oh, that girl who’s the president? You made out with her 30 seconds ago, too.

This Junior Added a Class at the Registration Deadline Just to Feel Something

(01/29/18 7:35am)

At Penn, it’s easy to get stuck in an uninspired cycle of mindlessly taking graduation and major requirements without ever thinking outside of the box. Nevertheless, a handful of intrepid students use the course shopping period as a time to explore new subjects, skip lectures without repercussions, and sell their spots in popular classes to the highest bidders. But for one junior, adding a class means more than just checking off boxes.

Amazing! Sophomore Managed to Run Through Every Embarrassing Moment in Her Life on Walk to 9 AM Spanish Class

(01/29/18 7:33am)

The skill and complexity of Penn students are often hard for those outside the Penn bubble to even begin to conceptualize. On a standard stroll down Locust Walk, you could meet an up-and-coming filmmaker who is also dedicated to community service, a talented vocalist who is also pre-med, or even a basketball star who is curing cancer. Although there are many talented Quakers, one of the standouts in this competitive and accomplished environment is Kaitlin Rogers (C '20) who is able to recall every single embarrassing moment in her life on her way to 9 am Spanish class.

QUIZ: Do You Have Tinnitus or Is It Just a Frat Boy Screaming Outside Your Window in the Nighttime?

(01/30/18 7:30pm)

Wow—it sure sounds loud outside for 2 am on a cold winter night! It seems impossible that humans could be making such a ruckus outside at this time. The sound must be occurring because you, like 15% of the U.S. population, have tinnitus, NOT because a pack of loud frat boys are yelling at the moon, right? Wrong. Despite what logic tells you, it's unclear whether your tinnitus or members of a nearby fraternity are causing the noise. Take this quiz to figure out which it is.

Wow! Junior Who Clearly Hasn’t Done Readings Still Manages to Be Condescending in Seminar

(01/31/18 7:30pm)

Early Wednesday morning in the 10:30 am Urban Studies seminar ‘Affordable Housing in a Global City,' Brandon Schifrin accomplished a feat like no other. During a conversation on chapter four of the textbook focusing on affordable housing in Latin America, classmate Jenna Espinoza made an insightful comment about the ‘Juntos Nos Levantamos’ Housing project in Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

Student Against Cutthroat Wharton Culture Prefers Cutthroat Pre-Med Culture Instead

(02/01/18 9:00pm)

Jenny Kalz (C ’21) had been through enough. From the hyper-competitive environment in her classes to the humble-bragging about Bain & Company internships, Wharton was just too cutthroat for her to continue in the school. So, this brave freshman left Wharton and transferred to the College to study BBB. “It’s just way less stressful!” she said, apparently unaware of reality.

'Yup, I go to Penn State,' Confirms Wharton Sophomore Ashamed of Trump Affiliation

(02/02/18 12:10am)

While making polite small talk on the Amtrak to Union Station in Washington, D.C., Anna Yeoman (W '20) declined to clarify the truth when the elderly woman in the adjacent seat mistook "Penn" for Pennsylvania State University. "Yup, I go to Penn State," Yeoman confirmed after a short pause, during which time she stared blankly out the window past her seat partner and deliberately chose to dissociate herself from The Wharton School and its famous ties to America's First Family. 

OP-ED: Yeah I'm Pre-Law, But Only Because I Saw 'Legally Blonde' Once

(01/31/18 10:30pm)

A lot of my friends didn’t know what they wanted to major in when they came into college, and a lot of them still don’t. But me? I’ve known exactly what I wanted to do ever since the second day of fourth grade, when I saw the best and most socially relevant film of all time: Legally Blonde, starring the iconic Reese Witherspoon.