Student Who's Skipped 48 9AMs This Semester to Get up at 6 to Pregame for Parade
Ben Schuyler (W '19) likes his sleep.
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Ben Schuyler (W '19) likes his sleep.
Hey Penn students.
What’s up, my dude?
Hey you.
Randy Goldberg had a problem: he wanted to live in a castle, but didn’t have the connections or money to join the only Castle on campus. He knew that if he wanted to fulfill his dream, he had to take action.
Amelia Cabot (W ’21) has major qualms about the Class of 1920 Commons. Unlike most freshmen, however, her main issue is not with the food or the cleanliness of the place. Rather, it’s with the workers.
Religious Studies Professor Michael Gordon took an unorthodox approach to his Introduction to Buddhism course this semester. Tired of hearing students complain about his confusing exams and weighting system, Gordon decided to simplify the grading process. “Reach Nirvana or you fail,” said Gordon. “I don’t think I could be more clear.”
Ah, to wake up on a Saturday morning to a $162 Venmo request from your friend whose Uber rating you just destroyed! That's when a person’s heart would normally drop. You see, I would normally be upset to have to pay the cost of Holiday Inn room for throwing up all over myself, but I’ve learned to put things in perspective.
If you know anything about succulents, you know that the succulent is a stout and tenacious plant. At least that's what I thought when I bought Karl.
Last Sunday, the city of Philadelphia erupted into a frenzy after the Eagles, longtime underdogs of the NFL, won their first ever Super Bowl. Soon after, it was announced that there would be a city-wide celebration of the victory in the form of a parade on Thursday, an event so large that Drexel, Temple, and Penn all deemed it necessary to suspend operations for the day.
On Thursday morning, Philadelphia will be abuzz in a way the city has never seen before. After 13 years since their last shot at the title, the Philadelphia Eagles have won the Super Bowl for the first time in the team's history. And following immense pressure from the student body, University of Pennsylvania president Amy Gutmann announced to the school on Tuesday that university operations would recess during the parade. Many students were excited for the day's festivities, but none more than Jess Pearson—who was both "excited to witness history" and also prepping to black out at the parade.
In a stunning turn of events last week, the Penn Administration went against expert advice and released a confidential memo to the public. The contents of the memo included rare, never-before-seen information. Before the memo was released, no one outside of the Penn administration knew what it contained. Now, everyone is free to read the memo and all of the juicy details inside.
In a courageous departure from the cultural norms of a major research institution, History professor and ska-punk enthusiast Jeffrey Adams donned a bright blue graphic T-shirt to class yesterday, solidifying his position as the coolest, chillest, and dopest professor at Penn.
Dear Penn Undergraduates,
Yo.
We all know that Penn professors tend to do some strange things in their classes and on their exams, but their endeavors outside of class are sometimes equally perplexing. Take a look at some recent PURM postings from professors who are clearly having a tough semester:
In a deeply unsettling statement released earlier today, Penn’s administration collapsed before the will of the student body and suspended university operations for Thursday.
On her commute home from a late night at her office job in Center City, Leanne Bridges was confused by the ineffectiveness of her honking.
Everyone knows that Tom Bradley (W '18) is a great student. He has 4.0 GPA, he's been a member of the Dean's List in 2002, 2004, 2005, 2015, and 2017, and he's also weirdly good at deflating footballs.
So we don't know each other really well and you only kind of know me from seeing me exit the Radian every Tuesday morning on the way to our Geology recitation. You see me outside my apartment every week, and we've never talked, so I'm sure you've already made some assumptions about me. But I'm here to tell you I'm not like the other girls who live in the Radian.