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3 Valentine's Day Outfits That Say 'I'm a Feminist and This Holiday Is Oppressive but I Still Want Chocolate.'

(02/14/18 2:42am)

We all already know that Valentine’s Day is a sexist holiday created by corporations to sell you things you don’t need to prove you love the people closest to you. Obviously, as a woke, intersectional, patriarchy-fighting, planned parenthood-donating feminist, you want no part in this holiday. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve chocolate. Here are three outfits to wear this Valentine’s Day to let everyone around you know that you don’t believe in being a cog in the fascist, heteronormative, oppressive, capitalist regime, but still want chocolates on February 14th.

Students Brace Themselves for Biggest GPA Point Drop in History Amidst Threat of Rising Grade Deflation

(02/17/18 11:51pm)

This has been a turbulent week for students at the University of Pennsylvania, where professors are under pressure to combat the grade inflation that has been rising steadily since the ‘90s. Some professors have been quick to criticize the new policy, arguing that the old grading metrics need to be corrected for the social media and technology addictions that have brought down academic standards in schools and universities across the nation.

Wow! This Guy Really Knows How to Network, But Happens to Suck as a Person

(02/15/18 5:46pm)

Sam O’Neal (W ’21) takes pride in his networking abilities. He has read How to Win Friends and Influence People seven times now, and it has clearly paid dividends. The Finance concentrator has already lined up an internship at Goldman Sachs, and he claims that he’s just getting started.

Quiz: Does Your Crush Really Have a Midterm at 8PM on Valentine’s Day, or Are They Just Not Into You?

(02/14/18 2:42am)

We’ve all been there. You get turned down for a Valentine’s date, but the explanation is a little hard to decipher. Maybe Jessica really is allergic to nighttime, or maybe she just doesn’t see you as more than a friend. This quiz will help you figure out for sure if your crush really has a midterm at 8pm on Valentine’s Day, or if they’re just not into you.