According to her twitter, Amy Gutmann is “excited to finally see what the city of Philadelphia has to offer.”
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This just in: Jenna Wilber (C '19) is a financial genius. For those of us who like drinking one GT’s kombucha a day, minimum, but don’t like the monthly cost of about $120, Wilber has cracked the code.
The Ego of the Week this week is the Rumor nightclub mop. UTB sat down with the mop and heard all about the mop's role in the bustling Philadelphia clubbing scene, the mop's passions, and more!
Now That the Olympics Are Over, the Next Major Sports Event This Junior Has to Look Forward to Is His Frat’s Beer Pong Tournament
There’s always a lull after a major sports event like the Olympics: the athletes have all gone home, and the ability to procrastinate by “supporting your country” is over. So, many students are looking ahead to the next big sports event.
“See you in a week!” you called out to your roommates as you rolled your suitcase out the door on the Thursday before spring break. Those suckers had no idea that this was the last time they’d ever see you. Because you were never coming back from break.
'Please Be Gracious, We Have a Lot of Papers to Grade,' Says Professor Who Assigned 100 Pages of Reading, Take-home Midterm, and 2000-Word Essay
Late Monday afternoon after concluding lecture, Professor Marjorie Tyler urged students to “be gracious,” as she had many papers to grade over the coming week.
BREAKING—as of Thursday afternoon, Daniel Weisman (C ‘21) committed to going to Israel this summer.
You did nothing over break. Georgia Caldwell (W '20) did nothing over break. And yet, she did it better than you.
Cool, your professor just treated the class to a YouTube video that pointlessly repeated the lecture material. But now he has no idea that in five seconds, a new video will play automatically. Watch out!
Wake up, America! It’s 8:40 and you need to be downstairs, clothed, and have your contacts in by 8:45 if you want to get to Survey of the Universe on time.
Wharton Senior Makes Millions off Butter Substitute Substitute 'I Can't Believe It's Not I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'
If this isn’t Pennovation, nothing is.
Look, I get it. You’ve wanted to be a doctor your whole life, and Harvard Med doesn’t care much for sub-3.9 GPA-types. You’re not going to let a little thing like Organic Chemistry get in the way of your hopes and dreams.
Winston Drake (E ‘21) is still getting used to the whole “college” thing. After finally figuring the right way to slide a PennCard through a scanner and getting a grip on how much laundry detergent was enough, the budding engineer really thought he had it all figured out.
Kyle O’Loughlin (E '18) lost his pet ferret, Laszlo, in October. Seeking to honor the life and memory of his four-footed friend, he held a traditional Irish wake at his off-campus house.
Ah, who doesn’t love a nice break to treat yourself from half a semester of late night studying, job hunting anxiety, and actively (or passively?) ghosting boys after sleeping with them? Better yet, who doesn’t love a nice break to treat yourself from spending five nights a week at Smokes, dropping every club on your resume, not doing jack shit for the past two months?
What a guy! Freshman pledge Anthony Ludger (C ’21) “totally gets it now.” After taking a mandatory workshop on consent for his fraternity, it all became clear. “I don’t know how it took me so long,” he said coming out of the workshop. “I’m an ally now. Go ahead, ask me anything concerning women. I can speak for all of them.”
Regular operations in the Penn Museum have been suspended due to an ongoing sit in protest organized by Fossil Free Penn. Over 30 members strong, the group of protesters from the prominent activist club is disrupting museum activity by occupying the archaeology wing. Club president Alanna Gore (C ‘19) issued a statement to the UTB, claiming that the protest, despite any disciplinary action taken by administrators, “will not end until every last bone in the museum is released.”
So there have been a lot of hot takes the past few weeks about fraternity pledging and its benefits and dangers. While I know little about it, I still feel a burning desire for attention, so I will do my best to produce an opinion.
Last Friday night I drank a little too much, one thing led to another, and I woke up the next morning missing my left nipple. Yeah, the one over my heart. I’m pretty devastated, as you can imagine.
The rest of you may have headed to Puerto Vallarta, a cruise on the Caribbean, or another exotic locale, but I’m not jealous. I was at home, getting wasted with my mom on a Tuesday night.