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OP-ED: I Want the Family Sitting Next to Me at This Banana Leaf BYO to Adopt Me, But I'm Afraid I'm Too Drunk to Take Care of the Legal Documents

(03/17/18 6:04pm)

We were three boat races in. At that precise moment, the isolated table made for drunk Penn kids in the back of Banana Leaf started to feel more like prison than paradise. So, I turn around, look up behind me and there they are: Shannon and Howard. Shannon and Howard are two grown-ass, married adults just trying to eat their Roti Canai and their Pineapple Rice in peace on a Thursday at 6:36 PM. 


Feminist Win! This Woman Only Lets Gay Men Grind on Her at Frat Parties

(03/19/18 5:00pm)

Many young women at Penn have come to learn that they will sometimes get unsolicited advances at frat parties. No matter how many workshops are held for members of Greek life to learn about consent and sexual harassment, these incidents keep happening. As a result, sophomore Katie Johnson has decided to take a stand all on her own.





Student in Post-Colonial Literature Class Excited to Share About Spring Break in the Caribbean

(03/19/18 5:16pm)

Amanda Ashberry (C ‘19) just returned from a fabulous spring break hopping across islands in the Caribbean. She went to the Virgin Islands, Trinidad and Tobago, then finished up the week exploring Cuba. “It was just, like, such a culturally rich experience,” she told us over Skype, holding a margarita the size of her head while she lounged on the beach. She said she was especially excited to talk to her post-colonial literature class about her memories from the trip. 





Penn to Add Nate Silver to Ben on the Bench Following NCAA Optimism

(03/14/18 5:31am)

FiveThirtyEight founder and statistically-significant other of your dreams, Nate Silver, will be honored as a permanent fixture on campus following his site’s favorable analysis of Penn men’s basketball. The article, which claims that Penn is the best 16th seed in NCAA history, has electrified a community that very suddenly gives a shit about college basketball and has provoked the administration to take swift, congratulatory action.


​OP-ED: Frat Culture Is Toxic and I Will Not Stand for It Unless You Let Me Walk out of Here With These 3 Handles

(03/25/18 6:17pm)

Frat culture is deeply harmful. Members of fraternities tend to revel in toxic masculinity, privilege, and elitism. Frats cultivate exclusion by rigidly policing who can become a “brother" and who can be let in to their parties, relying on ratios and other sexist tools. This perpetuation of archaic constructs allows fraternity spaces to become breeding grounds for hypermasculinity, racism, and sexual assault. 


Study Shows 99% of Students Who Hate Making Small Talk on Locust Love Making Small Talk About How Much They Hate It

(03/16/18 9:45pm)

It’s the same thing every day. Students with headphones in, eyes fixed on the ground or glued to phones, hustling to get to their destination before they run into a polite acquaintance (or, like, are late to a meeting or something). The Penn student body is wildly diverse, but everybody can agree on one thing: making small talk on Locust sucks.




Wow! This Guy Wearing a Polo at the Gym Must Be Really Busy

(03/18/18 7:41pm)

There’s generally very little leeway in the tumultuous lives of Penn’s busiest students, so most feel pressured to squeeze the most out of every second they spend on campus. It’s so easy to get caught up trying to optimize study time or strike the perfect work-life balance, but Byron Cooper (C ‘21) is taking efficiency to an entirely different level.