If you don’t count checkout lines, Winston Zheng (E ‘20) hasn’t been within five feet of a woman in months.
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Listen up people. You’re never going to hear a story like this again.
You know, I’ve tried to be sympathetic. I really have.
Earlier this week, Penn researchers announced the conclusion of a seminal, twenty-year, longitudinal study about the outcomes of Penn graduates.
Marie Lu (C ‘20) isn’t your typical pre-med student. While most of her fellows would be content to give themselves a break after thirteen consecutive weeks of brutally focused studying, Lu isn’t one for complacency.
Some students define themselves by the clubs they’re part of. Not so with Anna May (E ‘19). Upon entering Penn, she knew that the Squirrel Protection Society (SPS) would be her home for the four years to come.
Inspiring! Student Unable to Handle Rigor of Math or Econ Alone Declares Major in Mathematical Economics
In times like these, it’s important to remind yourself that the world is still a fundamentally beautiful place. Just consider the inspirational story of Sam Kardar (C '20).
After nearly ten years in existence, you’d think that a club would learn to get with the program. Not so, it seems, with the ScriptProv theatre company.
Right after accepting the Class of 2022, the Penn administration dropped a policy bombshell: starting this fall, all incoming freshmen will have state-of-the-art air conditioners installed directly on their persons. Incredible!
Look, I get it. You’ve wanted to be a doctor your whole life, and Harvard Med doesn’t care much for sub-3.9 GPA-types. You’re not going to let a little thing like Organic Chemistry get in the way of your hopes and dreams.
Winston Drake (E ‘21) is still getting used to the whole “college” thing. After finally figuring the right way to slide a PennCard through a scanner and getting a grip on how much laundry detergent was enough, the budding engineer really thought he had it all figured out.
As Penn students, we pride ourselves on taking advantage of the resources that an interdisciplinary education at a top university provides. It’s easy to forget just how pervasive this culture is, and you really have to admire people who fearlessly break the mold.
Burt Aspland has been having a rough semester. While his pioneering work in Art History may have brought him national fame, no award has ever managed to soothe the deep ache of loneliness he’s felt since his wife left him five years ago.
Penn’s administration has suffered relentless criticism for its inadequate mental health policies. But that’s all set to change this month with the unveiling of a revolutionary new CAPS subdivision.
Everyone’s getting really worked up these days about Elon Musk’s (W ’97, C '98) big rocket hobby. Sure, I have to admit that putting a car in space is pretty cool and all, but come on. One Quaker to another, we have to admit that there are things more impressive than that.
We all know that Penn professors tend to do some strange things in their classes and on their exams, but their endeavors outside of class are sometimes equally perplexing. Take a look at some recent PURM postings from professors who are clearly having a tough semester:
In a deeply unsettling statement released earlier today, Penn’s administration collapsed before the will of the student body and suspended university operations for Thursday.
Clara Williams (E ‘18) has been giving campus tours for the past three years. As per regulations, she is mandated to gush about clubs she has not met with in years, wax poetic about famous visiting speaker events which she’s never bothered to attend, and lead her group into a mad sprint the moment they risk catching sight of DRL.
If you met Archibald Wesley IV (W ‘20) on Locust, you might think of him as an earnest, if uptight, young man.
Look. We know the Penn administration has a ways to go before they earn our love and trust. But we have to appreciate how much they try to win us over.