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This Sophomore Won’t Stop Picking at the Tiny Blemish on His Face

(04/28/18 4:12am)

This year marks 14 years since the groundbreaking documentary Supersize Me was released into theaters. The film followed Morgan Spurlock, a filmmaker who ate nothing but McDonald's for a month and put himself on track to become obese. The movie educated a whole generation of consumers on the dangers of fast food.

Huntsman Student With Target Language in Russian Now Has to Live in Russia Next Semester

(04/23/18 6:06pm)

Meet Ali Johnson, a freshman from the Upper East Side of Manhattan and a young intellectual in the Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business. For a variety of reasons related to international affairs, Johnson decided that her target language would be Russian.

56% of University Professors Felt CupcakKe Said ‘Vagina’ One Too Many Times

(04/16/18 7:05pm)

A study conducted post-fling by the Annenberg School of Communications found that 56% of University professors felt that CupcakKe said "vagina" one too many times during her performance. The study also found that 72% of professors listening were viscerally upset by the lyrics describing CupcakKe as “warm and melted.”

Biden Made a Low-Profile Visit to Campus Yesterday, Not That You’re Ever Going to Meet Him Anyway

(04/11/18 10:58am)

Former Vice President—and now Benjamin Franklin Presidential Practice Professor at the University—Joe Biden made a low-profile visit to campus on Wednesday. Visiting to engage a group of students at the Annenberg School for Communications about effective campaign strategies, Biden snuck into the Walnut Street side door of Annenberg at 12:45 p.m. and was back in his car by 3. 

Thought Your Job Search Was Hard? Meet the Junior Who Won’t Add Anything to Your Company

(03/21/18 4:40pm)

Recent trends are clear: Millennials are not prepared for the workforce. More employers than ever are noticing that potential employees either have the technical training or the social capabilities for today's fast-paced work environment, but rarely both. Still, only the truly inept manage to have neither. Meet one of those guys.

'Please Be Gracious, We Have a Lot of Papers to Grade,' Says Professor Who Assigned 100 Pages of Reading, Take-home Midterm, and 2000-Word Essay

(03/14/18 5:33am)

Late Monday afternoon after concluding lecture, Professor Marjorie Tyler urged students to “be gracious,” as she had many papers to grade over the coming week.

Thank God! This Sophomore Definitively Ranked Penn’s Sororities to Make Up for His Tiny Penis

(02/22/18 8:40am)

On Sunday evening, although nobody asked him to, Grant Samuels (W ‘20) created a five-point rubric for Penn’s sororities and managed to definitively rank them all over the course of fifteen minutes. Friends and family were relieved to hear Samuels had taken it upon himself to accomplish this important task, as it helps make up for his tiny penis.

Get You a Guy That Does Both! This Frat Brutally Tortures 18-Year-Olds in Their Basement but Also Donates to Susan G. Komen for the Cure

(02/26/18 4:29pm)

The Perfect Guy is hard to find. With social media creating an online idealized version of reality, many people have unrealistic expectations of their significant others. Women expect their significant others to be smart yet fun, funny yet loving, hot yet approachable, dangerous yet sensitive. For most women these ideals are near impossible to find, but for Penn ladies, today is their lucky day. The brothers of Alpha Sigma Sigma, Beta Beta chapter, can do it all. Not only do they torture 18 year olds in their basement, but they also donate to the top-notch breast cancer advocacy and prevention organization, Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

'I’m so Excited to Witness History' Says Sophomore Fully Planning on Blacking Out at Parade

(02/08/18 11:25am)

On Thursday morning, Philadelphia will be abuzz in a way the city has never seen before. After 13 years since their last shot at the title, the Philadelphia Eagles have won the Super Bowl for the first time in the team's history. And following immense pressure from the student body, University of Pennsylvania president Amy Gutmann announced to the school on Tuesday that university operations would recess during the parade. Many students were excited for the day's festivities, but none more than Jess Pearson—who was both "excited to witness history" and also prepping to black out at the parade.