​Large East Village Apartment Smells Suspiciously Of Being Paid For By Parents

Visitors to the East Village apartment of Ryan Bertrand (W ’19) have been complaining of a strange smell.

While exploring his one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with a large kitchen and spacious living room in a coveted area, Ryan’s friends noted a slight odor.

As they examined the plush, roomy sectional sofa and decorative sconces, the smell became stronger.

His friends greeted the doorman and peered out the window at the attractive view. Their noses quivered.

Finally, as they noted the several outstanding Venmo charges they each had with Ryan and recalled his recent demand to split a bill evenly despite ordering the salmon, the smell became so pungent as to be unbearable.

“Hey, do you guys want to order a pizza? You’ll have to spot me because I’m broke right now,” Ryan said, blanketing his apartment in Febreeze.