OP-ED: My Roommate Is Out Tonight, But That Doesn't Change Anything About My Sex Life

Yup, my roommate is leaving for the night. I think his parents are in town, and he’s staying with them at their hotel. That means I get the entire room to myself. The entire room!

This would be great news for the average college student. Grab a few drinks at the bar, perhaps go to a party or two, see if I can catch anyone’s eye from across the room and maybe strike up a conversation. Find a fun girl, invite her over to continue talking, and see where things go from there. Maybe I’ll call up Stephanie from Econ 002 and invite her over for dessert.

There are so many things I could do with no roommate. No prying eyes, no uncomfortable walk-ins, and no awkward threesome proposals.

How am I going to be spending it? Doing the exact same thing I would be doing anyway, except completely naked. That is, I will be watching the latest season of Desperate Housewives and eating popcorn with nacho cheese without any pants on, but completely by choice. I could totally chase the simpler pleasures, but I won’t because I’m not into meaningless hookups. I am in control of my sex life, and I choose to spend it the way I do. Alright? It’s my choice. That’s the end of that.