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OP-ED: I Carry Dante’s Inferno Around With Me at All Times so Everyone Knows I’m an Intellectual

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Photo from Kaboompics / CC0 

“Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate”

Yeah, that’s right. That’s the text on the gates of hell from Dante’s Inferno. It's in Italian. Yeah, I also recite the opening lines of the Inferno in Italian whenever I meet new people, just to make sure they know that I know.

“Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita / mi ritrovai per una selva oscura / ché la diritta via era smarrita.”

You can Google that if you want to know what it means. Not only do I know these lines in Italian, but I’ve read all of the Divine Comedy, twice. That’s right. The whole thing. I know most of you probably didn't even know there were other parts to Dante’s masterpiece. I only carry the Inferno around with me, because carrying the whole Comedy would probably be obnoxious and heavy, so I stick to the basics. I want to be subtle.

I hold it in my hand when I go to my professors' office hours. I watch their gaze drift to the red cover, the bold title: Dante’s Inferno. That's when they know they’re meeting with someone serious about her education. I try to be humble about it though. I just want them to know.

When I take instagram pictures of my table at coffee shops, including my ornate latte art and my signature stationary, I make sure the Inferno is always in the frame, so that my followers know it’s never far from my mind. I don’t even refer to the commentary anymore because I know it by heart. But I would never brag about something like that.

It can be difficult, always carrying Dante around with me. People ask me about it and I have to explain to their little brains that yes, I’ve read it—yes, all of it—and yes, I can talk to you about medieval astrology, reference the appropriate verses from the gospel, and name every single character in all three canticles (each part is called a "canticle," by the way). Oh, and there are over 500 characters across the three. No big deal.

Although I’m smart, humility is my best quality, and I make sure to keep this whole thing casual. That’s why I’m sure Dante would have written me in right next to God if only we could’ve met. His loss.

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