Equality Win! This Guy Imagined Making Out With Everyone in his Class Regardless of Age, Gender, or Race

It looks like there might still be some good left in the world.

Last Tuesday, Tyler Baldwin (E ’19) was daydreaming in his morning recitation. Bored and horny, his thoughts quickly turned to graphic imaginings of sexual contact with his classmates.

But being the awesome guy that he is, Tyler didn’t just think about hitting first base with sexy babes. He took the time to imagine a steamy, sensuous make-out with every single person in the room.

“I thought about kissing that quiet Hispanic dude on a picnic blanket under an old oak tree,” Tyler said. “And I thought about getting frisky with that football player who always wears flip flops in the backseat of my car.”

“I imagined getting with that girl who always wears sweatpants on a hot air balloon,” he continued. “I also thought about giving that short guy in ROTC a bunch of hickeys in the bathtub.”

Tyler made sure to include absolutely everyone in his fantasies.

“There’s a middle-aged lady who audits our class and always sits in the front row with her Kindle. I thought about smooching her in front of the Eiffel Tower,” Tyler said.

Tyler even fantasized about his professor, who is old and bald.

“I thought about what it would be like to take him out to a nice dinner downtown and then walk around a park. I imagined bringing him to his doorstep at the end of the night and him inviting me upstairs for hot apple cider. Next thing you know, we’re locking lips on the chaise lounge.”

Despite all the praise, Tyler remains humble.

“At the end of the day, it’s really about the make-outs for me,” he said. “There’s just nothing I love more than imagining consensual, non-penetrative sexual contact.”