For those of you who haven't been checking espn.com several times a day for the last month, it is now official: Jim Thome has signed with the Philadelphia Phillies.
Even if you don't like the Phillies -- even if you don't like baseball -- you have subconsciously sensed this development. You might have felt a certain giddiness, or perhaps noticed a more lively spring in your step. Or maybe I'm just insane.
I must be the only man in America whose love of sports is viewed as an abnormality by his extended family and friends. I don't know how many times my girlfriend has made the men-in-tight-pants crack but somehow, to watch baseball on TV in peace I have to end up defending my sexuality. But for one column, for the sake of my mental well-being, I'm going to pretend that you all care about baseball.
It's an exciting time for Phillies fans. The acquisition of a marquee player, especially a slugger like Thome, is a welcome change from the Phillies of old -- say, the team that finished two games back two years ago and responded by signing chart-topping players like Ricky Ledee and Terry Adams. It even brings playoff hopes into the picture. With what's shaping up to be a weak division, why couldn't the Phillies win it?
Don't kid yourself.
I may be a fan, but I am not delusional. The Phillies are perennial losers. The real question is how they're going to manage to blow it now that they appear to have the upper hand.
The NL East is up for grabs; there's no doubt about that. The Braves seem unable to solve their first base problem, and will likely lose Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine as well as Mike Remlinger, whose bullpen support is less well known but still essential. I don't know what happened to the Marlins, but they went from hungry young contenders to nobodies in a matter of seconds.
The Expos are a fractured franchise and the Mets haven't found anyone old and bad enough to overpay this off-season. I think that if Mo Vaughn and Levon Kirkland switched positions, not only would the world be a better place, but no one would notice the difference.
So why couldn't the Phillies make a move?
Some history, shall we? Let's review how some of the deals the Phillies have made recently have affected the team.
Of course there was the infamous Scott Rolen situation -- may he catch Chuck Knoblauch's disease and perish. For arguably the best third baseman in the National League, we got Bud Smith, a young pitcher with control problems, Placido Polanco, a decent infielder and Mike Timlin, a reliever who was kind enough to give up home runs in his first three outings for us before informing the Phillies at the end of the year that we weren't good enough to benefit from his skills.
Before that deal, we were clever enough to send Paul Byrd to Kansas City for Jose Santiago. Byrd won 17 games and Santiago spent most of last year tearing it up -- in the minors.
Going even further back, we sent Curt Shilling to Arizona for Omar Daal, Nelson Figueroa, Travis Lee and Vicente Padilla. Lee could be the worst first baseman in the league. Figueroa and Daal lasted a year and were largely ineffective. Padilla, however, has blossomed into a decent starter, but that's little consolation.
It may sound like a stretch to say that a tremendous hitter like Jim Thome will be sapped of his abilities by the Phillies' aura. Thirty home runs instead of 50 would hardly be something to cry about. My guess is Thome will perform like the player he is, but it won't matter. Where the Phillies are concerned, it's all about the bullpen.
Watching Jose Mesa close games is about as relaxing as electro-shock therapy. The last time we actually had a setup man, we paid him too much money to start and then promptly removed him from the rotation. Dan Plesac, a steady and reliable lefty, has pretty much decided to retire. Carlos Silva, who performed well last year, is a few years older than I am and desperately in need of a third pitch. I love this team, but their pitching is anything but consistent. They'd give Lance Armstrong a heart attack.
So what can we expect from the 2003 Phillies? Thome is a great player, and signing him will undoubtedly improve the team. But let's be honest. These are the Phillies we're talking about; natural laws do not apply to them. If anyone can find a way to lose in this situation, they will.
But like all die-hard fans, I'll soldier on and, once again, predict that the Phillies will go to the World Series. And no matter how bad the season turns out, it could always be worse. I mean, at least we're not the Mets.
Eliot Sherman is a sophomore from Philadelphia, Pa.
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