Fred Smoot on campus?

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Harvard lost a second key component as a result of a preseason suspension, head football coach Tim Murphy announced.

Quarterback Liam O'Hagan was suspended five games for an unspecified violation of team rules. He joins captain and linebacker Matt Thomas, who was suspended indefinitely after an alleged assault on campus.

Murphy would not give specifics as to which rule his QB violated. However, it doesn't take much detective work to pin down exactly what sort of scandal we're talking about here.

See, a quick look at the Crimson roster reveals that O'Hagan hails from the football scandal capital of the world.

It's the Minneapolis suburb of Minnetonka, Minn., on the shores of the now infamous Lake Minnetonka. It was there one year ago that the NFL's Vikings set a new standard for aquatic escapades with their "sex boat" party featuring exotic dancers galore.

Vikings ringleader Fred Smoot got off easy, but if O'Hagan really did organize some seafaring shenanigans on the Charles, as any good scandal-ologist would surmise that he did, he was not so lucky.

Five games down the tubes. Not worth it for a night of fun with the fine, intelligent young women of Harvard University. A memorable evening of Latin and lingerie. For the more adventurous, a study in electromagnetism and sadomasochism.

But the Crimson should be OK, even without the captain of the U.S.S. Peep Show. As long as they don't catch Clifton Dawson with that Original Whizzinator.