Here at UTB, we like to make value judgements in a "Pro/Con/Pro" format. However, today's topic was unanimously decided to be a net loss: hence, the "Pro/Con/Con." We asked ourselves, "Is it worth it to see Hoodie Allen in concert?" No. Certainly not. Then we asked, "Is it worth it to see Hoodie Allen ironically?"
Well, here are the facts. Make of them what you may.
SURFACE LEVEL SHIT
Pro: Tons of Chicks
Con: All the girls are 13-15
Con: Going to jail
Pro: Tickets are only $30
Con: Your mother will see the credit card charge and roast you for seeing Hoodie Allen
Con: Opportunity cost of doing literally anything else with 30 dollars and two hours of your time
Also, Dining Guide came out yesterday. If you missed the paper copy, don’t worry, we still have a gallery of food porn on the website, and all of the reviews, in case the photos don’t satiate your #thirst.
"Fifty Shades of Grey" is sold out at The Rave. Because, of course it is. So Film & TV scoured Netflix to find the best alternatives.
Arts ventured to the ultimate artists' haven: Smokes'. Okay, we're talking about pick-up artists. But the fact that some of these lines worked is even more surprising.
Lowbrow got married. And took their wedding photos all over Penn's campus, because nothing's more beautiful than DRL on a winter's morning.
Share the Street love this Valentine's Day. And next week, keep your eye out for our Style Guide (vote for superlatives!) and a whole, new issue. Also, we're throwing a party and you should come. Because Smokes'. Because Street.
Pick up an issue on Locust. Grab the PDF or check out the issue below.
Street's always been a trend setter, but this week we were jet setters. We ventured to Sundance (and met James Franco, nbd) and brought you back all thebest deets. Also, our feature this week focuses on students who book a flight home after graduation.
So, whether you're interested in the relationship struggles of a Park City waiter (what?) or the politics of student visas, as always, we've got it all:
To be or not to be, abroad that is. WOTS brings you apoint and counterpointon the drawbacks of the abroad process and the benefits of the experience.
Our work for this week is done. So we're going to go wallow in a bed of blankets and green tea and Mucinex. But come to our writers' meeting tonight at 6:30 at 4015 Walnut and get ready for our Valentine's issue and Street Style guide coming out in the next two weeks!
Whether you're checking to see if your submissions made it in or if you're just in it for a good laugh, read the best of Shoutouts here. And the worst.
Can't get enough of Shoutouts? Backpage brought some of our favorites to life with Shoutouts Illustrated.
Have you checked out some of the art in DRL? No, we're not talking about the Powerpoint slides in your ASTR-101 lecture.
Street went so underground this week they found a band that doesn't even have a Wikipedia page, but trust us, you have to listen to this.
Oscar buzz is finally upon us with the release of top tier films. Read our review of Foxcatcher, featuring Steve Carell and Channing Tatum.
In this week's Word on the Street, a junior ditched downtown in pursuit of everything else Philly has to offer.
In the States or abroad, Thanksgiving is upon us. Ego looked into how international students give thanks this time of year.
Speaking of Turkey Day, Food & Drink show us how cooking for Thanksgiving can be as easy as pie. Show off those cooking skills when you go home.
Time to relax and gobble up. Although we're glad we get a break from classes, we're sad we won't have another issue next week. We'll be back before you know it with our annual joke issue in December. Want to help out? Come to our writers meeting tonight at 6:30 pm at 4015 Walnut.
"Once the camera takes a shot and a quick quote is written down, it’s on to the next interesting character in a fairytale–like view of zany New Yorkers." Street suggests that theHumans of New York maybe deserves better.
It's that time of the year again when you are wondering how your heater works and how many sweaters you need to wear before heading out. We have three diet options for bulking up.
Because you can't play Lil Jon's "Shots" over and over again for your whole pregame, Music has compiled a list of 5 ragin' alternatives for your pregame this weekend.
In our regular mag, we dive into a big issue: Penn's relationships with public schools in West Philadelphia. Read the piece and leave us a comment with your thoughts. We're all still thinking about it. If you want to get into a fall fitness routine, Ego has a great workout, straight from an athlete and Mr. Penn contestant.
If you want to get all kinds of involved in making Street, we want to meet you. Come to our writer's meeting (also for designers, photographers, web geeks etc) tonight at 6:30 p.m. at 4015 walnut, even it's your first time.
SHOUTOUTS DUE AT MIDNIGHT! -- A little less than 11 hours to submit your Shoutouts to 34th Street! Don't miss that anonymous opportunity to tell your BFF, S.O., TA or UTB editor how you really feel. So scream and shout and let it all out – do it for Britney.
This time of year is about being the best. Best in your class, best formal date, best internship, best first warm day outfit. At Street, we always look for the best...so we can share it with you.
This week, we are proud to present this year's Best of Penn, from the best wax (useful) to the best place to get down, the best use for bursar (it may surprise you) and many more. Share the best part of your day with us on instagramusing #bestofpenn and help us make the last few weeks the best they can be.
We'll make this quick because we know you're a) already flinging b) in class staring at the clock or c) on your way to New Jersey (stay safe!).
This week we're all about fling, fromgossipand logos of fling's past to someserious thoughtson its present. Of course, we wanted to get your thoughts and have them all in oursurvey feature. You guys do some crazy shit and we absolutely love it. Thank you for the haikus.
We know How I Met Your Mother's ending is an emotional time for everyone, so seek solace in new foods. Durian'sa challenge for the tastebuds, but you may love it. If laughter is the best medicine, you'll be chuckling at Lowbrow's AMA with Dean Furda. He's really excited about the class of 2018.
Weigh in on the Best of Penn in our annual survey. Opinions encouraged.
As always, we'll be looking for writers, friends and photographers tonight at our writers' meeting. Join the party 6:30 p.m at 4015 Walnut.
If you've already broken your resolution to go to the gym, Highbrow has some much better ideas, submitted by YOU. We can't reschedule bid day but Ego can give you retrospectives on rush. And we'd never let you watch the Grammys without a drinking game. Film has a sick chart to tell you what you missed when you fell asleep during American Hustle (no shame).
Finally, we have some real alternatives to Greek life and Greek Lady: crazy good Greek food from Kanella. We got some secrets from the Chef. If you never want to wear your open house rush shirt again, give it new life with aDIY that would make Martha Stewart kvell.
You've read our words, but now it's time to write your own. Come be a part of 34th Street at our first writers' meeting of the semester. We extend a special invite to our Class of 2014 Freshmen Superlatives. Tonight, 6:30 PM 4015 Walnut. We love you like XO.
For Street's last issue of the semester, we were all like, joke's on you! It's all about the 40th and Walnut McDonald's! Mickey D's! The Golden Arches! America's Meatheart! Old McDonald had a farm, but that's not where the Big Mac comes from... PINK SLIME TIME! (Nickelodeon, take note).
This week, we did it all before finals or caloriescould catch up with us. A courageous reporter even attempted the 50 nuggets in 30 minutes challenge. What's the over-under on how many he ate before vomming? Find out here. And sadly, some poor soul had to clean up that puke. Ego talked to McDonald's very own manager for the exclusive inside scoop, er, soft-serve swirl?
And forget Burger King or Wendy's. Taco Bell is the true rival of McDonald's, and we analyzed the existential differences between the entertainment playing while you devour those Doritos Locos Tacos versus while you chomp on that McRib. But don't for a hot (or lukewarm) second think that McDonald's is the easiest of fast food. We hear that McDonald's has admission rates lower than dear old Pennsylvania herself. You'd think they could at the very least offer a soda fountain with free refills to offset the outrageous cost of tuition.
If you ever find yourself wishing you were just a fly on the art on the wall of McDonald's, look no further than this week's Contrapposto. Or maybe that's not sceney enough for you? Well, while you were busy posting Kelvin-filteredart$y pics of your last meal at Vetri, our photog compiled an insta essay like no other.
P.S. Be my date to formal? I really really don't want to get set up with the Hamburglar.
P.P.S. No matter what, we're loving it. It was nice posting for you all. We'll miss it greatly. <3z forever (::::
Gossip Squirrel here. Your one and only source into the lives of Penn's scandalous elite. Except not cultural elite—it's only senior superlatives. Spotted: some thankful Penn students SABSing on the Van Pelt couches just longing for Thanksgiving break. Although the winter blues might be causing a serious lack of drama, I can tell you who's going down next: Daughtry.
And here's a scandal for you: my sources tell me that two Penn frosh went on a blind date with some mood lighting. Dating? "Dinner and a movie?" So passé. Unless it's Pod or White Dog, you're not good enough for Gossip Squirrel.
Caught in the act of a duckface selfie, and your life can't sink any lower. Talk to your doctor about how Street could be right for you. This week Highbrow checks out Penn goodies for sale on eBay, and you can bet that we're just waiting for someone to auction off Amy G's used kleenexes. We have a hunch they'd go for more than our degrees are worth. We also investigated how Penn degrees can help you in the arts.
Happy homecoming,Quakersducklings. Before all the celebrating begins, be sure to pick up a copy of Street. We've got picks for your playlist this weekend (wait, what, no, of course I didn't put Aaron's Party on! That would be so embarrassing. Spotify must have made a mistake) plus recommendations for the best Penn spirit wear. You can bursar bandeaus! Also in the athletics-themed festival spirit, some football players shared their deepest and darkest secrets with us. And we put it on the backpage. Highbrow also has this thing where they predict your fortune based on your astrological sign. It's 137% accurate, we swear. Food and Drink pits HipCityVeg against McDonalds. We learned that a groothie a day keeps the doctor away, but we don't even want to think about what Chicken McNuggets do.
Quick: Throwback Thursday! Anyone still watch HIMYM? Remember at Penn Preview Days when you had to take a dramatic picture outside Platt for the stupid scavenger hunt? Yeah... oh, and Lowbrow's got mail. Remember AOL?!
BREAKING NEWS - Startup spelled backwards is put rats! Put rats where? I don't know! If anyone knows where to put the rats, please let us know at email@example.com.
Happy Halloween, Streetures! (street creatures) All the midterms this week are making us feel pretty meh. So we have another Meh Listfor you, Halloween edition. Speaking of the holiday, are you going out tonight? We are! Here's hoping you can both down drinks like they're candy and avoid MERT... successful night, right? Well, some people call blacking out a successful night of drinking. Street investigates the blackout rage that's sweeping the nation (and not everyone drinks Banker's). EvenLowbrow took part in some alcohol festivities. But if you're in the mood for a sober Halloween, you can always celebrate by watching a few horror movies. And we've still got some treats for you Halloween haters (no tricks are necessary): Arcade Fire has a new album out, and we take on the fancy pants new Singh Center for Nanotechnology.
Until next week,
xoxo Grammar Girl (not to be confused with PBS' popular educational TV show, Word Girl)
Is Halloween 2spooky4u? Well too bad, because this week's issue of Street is all about spooky spots. Seriously, after getting high after midnight, the Biopond can manifest a chill in your bones. Though, Arts provides an informative piece on the Laurel Hill Cemetery. Maybe try exploring that after your weekend smoke? That'll make for an interesting dispatch...
Aside from Theos being scared shitless after the delightful discovery that their Google Group is public, you may be shocked to learn that Wes Anderson is indeed an auteur. What's an auteur? It's about as complex as the fucked up frosh Lowbrow interviewed this week. Disclaimer: THIS GIRL IS RATCHET. But we love her as much as Wes.
Werewolf bar mitzvahs: spooky scary boys becoming men, men becoming wolves. It's what college hookups are all about: coming of age. To help you in your pursuits of happiness, Music guides you through the first glance of your newest hookup's apartment: those posters of famous musicians. It's not time to shine. Just shine bright like a diamond when the full moon is out on your quest to werewolf-dom.
So, the first hookup went well. Time to get rowdier and raunchier at a BYO. At this point, you're probably sick of Banana Leaf (we aren't), but it did make it on Food & Drink's BYO Rowdiness Meter. Backpage even guides you on what to stay for after that dinner date. Or you can go on a date to the Mütter Museum, more commonly known to Features as Club Dead. Someone even compared a two-month old fetus on display to a human centipede. Hold your stomach, this date will be as ratchet as that frosh Lowbrow interviewed.
And if all of that isn't spooky enough, remember that kid that got arrested for being publicly intoxicated at Commons? Highbrow does, and sheds light on Not Penn State's most disapproved–of antics for the semester. With HipCityVeg open, all the JAPS have migrated. We get it, we all want to be vegetarian, just not be in Theos.
Welcome to Penn, Class of 2017. We're sure you're the best and brightest Penn has ever seen—but maybe your Facebook group begs to differ? We don't. No matter who you are or where you're from, chances are you'll find yourself in one of Penn's food recycling fine dining establishments—if you're not into the 20 hummus options of the day, check our hacks for DIY dining hall delights.
To those of you returning from abroad, maybe you want to make some resolutions for the semester. Or not. Still, most of us weren't here over the summer, so let Street give you a quick once–over of what's new at Penn. WaWa is the bomb.
Looking for a good book to cram in before your reading list becomes more text books than page turners? Look no further than this Penn grad's debut novel, The Execution of Noa P Singleton.
Like Elizabeth Silver (C'01), the book's title character went to Penn! However unlike Silver, and most Penn students, Noa Singleton happened to drop out and wind up on death row. Some might say she got her degree...in murder! (Sorry, couldn't help ourselves) Most relevant to us, Silver included numerous shoutouts to life on Penn's campus, even VP gets a mention!
After graduating from Penn, Silver did everything from teaching English in Costa Rica to working for publisher in NYC, before becoming a criminal lawyer. Like a true overachieving Penn student, Silver combined her varied interests to create one of the summer's hottest novels. Check out her interview with 34th Street to learn more about one of Penn's newest famous alumni.
I spoke with former Penn basketball phenom Ibrahim Jaaber last week shortly after this Grantland piece from DP alum Jason Schwartz ran.chronicled the evolution of his Muslim beliefs and reasoning for returning a six-figure sum to his Euroleague team Zalgiris in midseason.
Part 1 of my conversation with Jaaber focuses on the evolution of his Muslim beliefs, his professional basketball future, and what he thinks about the Palestra being referred to as the Mecca of basketball. Also keep your eyes on The Buzz for part 2 of this conversation, which focuses on his memories of Penn basketball and his hopes of getting back into the Penn community in the near future.
The Daily Pennsylvanian: What was it like to grow up in a family of 12 siblings?
Ibrahim Jaaber: It was normal for me because all I knew was having family around at all times. And it was exciting, it was fun. There were some difficulties but for the most part it was a very wholesome experience.
DP: How did having that large of a family influence your relationship with Islam growing up?
IJ: I think they go hand in hand. The foundation of the Islamic community is family. So the strong families and the tight-knit families are what make up a community. And so my entire experience as a young person, I basically associated Islam with family. The first thing on the list was Islam and the second thing on the list was family.
DP: Are your siblings all as devoutly Muslim as you are?
IJ: Devoutly? Well I wouldn’t call myself devout. I hope I’m devout. But we don’t call ourselves devout, we try to be devout. And for the most part my brothers and sisters are striving on the same path hopefully as myself. Many of them I work with now have been out of college on the Islamic side of things, working with the Muslim community and so forth.
DP: Were you aware of the beliefs of Muslim NBA players like Hakeem Olajuwon, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, or Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf when you were growing up?
IJ: It was apparent, we recognized them by name. And for guys like Hakeem specifically, he was broadcasted as somebody who was fasting while he was playing. So it was very apparent, and I often refer to Hakeem Olajuwon and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar when I’m talking to the young people and looking at their success. So it’s something I use to motivate the youth and the value of having discipline and faith, how it benefits you in life.
And as well, Abdul-Rauf, I’ve dealt with him a little bit recently, we’ve shared the microphone in some events and so forth. But I didn’t know a lot about his career until recently.
DP: What have you worked with Abdul-Rauf on?
IJ: Well I met him for the first time this summer at a Muslim basketball event and they brought myself and him to talk to the youth about our stories and also enlightening them just about how to carry themselves in that type of arena. We have another project coming up that hasn’t been finalized but we hope to work together with them again.
DP: Did you feel like returning the cash to Zalgiris was adequate atonement for you or do you still feel some sense of regret for having been associated with that organization?
IJ: Regret? No, no, no. Because to me it was an innocent mistake. It wasn’t like I went into the situation with the same mentality as I came out with. So it wasn’t a regrettable situation. It was a benefit, because were it not for that situation, maybe I would not have perspective about professional sports.
DP: But returning the cash was a necessary step of walking away, obviously.
IJ: For me it was. I could have kept the money but for me it was bigger than the money. It was really a landmark, or a milestone in my life’s journey to be able to walk away from it and wipe my hands clean, and move onto the next stage of my life.
DP: Did you ask anyone for advice when you were working your way towards that decision, or was that really your decision alone from start to finish?
IJ: My decision first was based on a growing understanding of my purpose as a Muslim and once I began to look at the situation as I see it now, then I consulted people. I consulted my wife, I consulted my family and religious leaders and so forth. And as well I consulted the narration of our prophet, the one we follow whose name is Muhammad.
DP: How long did it take ultimately for you to make that decision once you had recognized further your purpose as a Muslim?
IJ: I think it was between 24 and 48 hours, no more than 72. The announcement took place in a very short period of time, with me contemplating over the matter, waiting for responses from certain people who I confide in, took the course of a few days.
DP: Do you still have an interest in playing basketball professionally, or is that over now?
IJ: It’s something I’m still praying about. There is really no answer to that. I’m still getting offers from teams, major, major teams over in Europe and even coming from the Middle East. I’m running a few projects now that I’m back home, religious and social as well as cultural development. So I have to weigh what I’m doing now against the benefits of what I would be doing by going across the border to pursue basketball.
DP: So you’re still at a stage of considering those offers then?
IJ: They’re on the table.
DP: Are there still benefits left in taking up professional basketball? It’s always a for-profit deal and there are always certain sponsorships that have the potential to put you in another situation like that again.
IJ: That’s the challenge. If it were possible, it would have to be the best-case scenario, and that’s why I mentioned the Middle East, where there should be little conflict with different things that the organization or the company is, number one, promoting, number two, distributing.
The other benefit and one of the reasons why I was thrilled to be a professional player was to be an example of what a Muslim is, especially in this climate, this day and age where there are a lot of misconceptions about what the Muslim is or who the Muslim is. It is important for the Muslim to be visible. However, not at the expense of your beliefs.
IJ: Color Me Muslim was officially founded in 2011. However, it had been going at least a year before that.
DP: How important to you are the things that you’re doing for Color Me Muslim?
IJ: They’re paramount actually, as far as number one, social and cultural development in the Muslim community, and number two, outreach. In order to reinform people about the identity and personality of the Muslim. It’s one of the things that we’re lacking, the Muslim youth especially are losing out. We’re losing them to gangs, negative movement. Music, hip-hop. We’re losing them to other cultures and it’s really a negative reflection on the community and it’s tragic at the end of the day.
DP: How would you like to see Color Me Muslim grow in the future?
IJ: Well I think the potential is limitless for an organization with diversity and so forth, and dealing with professionals of all sorts. Athletes and authors, artists. Hosting different events for the youth could be anywhere in the nation. It’s not just limited to one place. But Muslim people really need something they can grab hold of, a type of movement, an organized entity to bring Muslims together and give them a new energy and new inspiration, to be proud about being Muslim. This is something that is very important to me for some of the struggles I faced myself growing up in America.
DP: What were some of those struggles you faced growing up?
IJ: Again, social and cultural voids, not really having a desire to be creative and express myself and to really see the beauty of this religion. However, that’s not Islam appeared to be when I was growing up. It’s still at a developing stage here in America. Now that I’ve come through all these experiences and I can see the swagger of Islam, this is something that I want to give back to the youth so they can be really proud of their religion and don’t have to succumb to the peer pressure and go through an identity crisis. They don’t have to go elsewhere for fulfillment, they can get fulfillment within the confines of this religion.
DP: What is the biggest thing that people often misunderstand about Islam from your perspective?
IJ: Well, for example we have events like 9/11. We have all of the distress going on in the Middle East, and it’s constantly replayed in the media. Negative images, negative images, right? So Islam is perceived as the villain. This is, whether people agree with it or not, this is what people see when they see somebody wearing a long garment or a woman who is cloaking her hair. This is what people associate that image with. And so it’s this false association that I think is one of the greatest obstacles for the Muslims. One of the greatest challenges now in being Muslim is not to redefine ourselves but to remove the stigma that people have placed upon us for whatever reason.
DP: How frustrating is it that so few other professional athletes, whether they’re Muslim or not, have made the same faith-based choice as you did to walk away from sports industries in the same state as the one you walked away from?
IJ: It’s not frustrating. There are very few professionals that believe as I believe, number one. Number two, everybody has their own degree. But for the most part, I think it is a reflection of the people at large. Our willingness to compromise. People don’t necessarily see alcohol as something that’s wrong. However, it results in the death of at least 75,000 or so just Americans every year. And most people would make the excuse of, ‘Okay, I’ll take the money that I made from doing so-and-so and give it to something good.’ However, if you were a drug dealer or something worse and you make this money and give it to something good, no, it doesn’t make sense. Because you’ve harmed more people in the process than you’ve helped at the end of the day.
DP: To what degree did you feel left out at Penn because other Penn people weren’t Muslim to the degree that you were or didn’t have the same perspective that you did?
IJ: No not at all. Like I said, it’s been a really growing perspective and understanding of my religion. The increase of knowledge and guidance that brought me this far – I can’t say that I was in the same place when I was at Penn. I can recall when reporters would come up to me and want to talk to me about such matters. And because I wasn’t equipped with knowledge, it was something that I shied away from.
DP: The Palestra is often referred to as—
IJ: The Mecca of basketball.
DP: Right. What do you think of that, as if it’s some sort of sacred dwelling that has spiritual and religious connotations for people?
IJ: Well it was something that I often thought about while I was there. The Mecca of basketball, as if it was a reminder for myself. However, it is not Mecca.
But it says something about the history of the Palestra, and also the knowledge of those who came through there that Mecca is recognized as a very, very sanctified religious place by non-Muslims. So it gave me a sense of pride to hear that people called this place the Mecca of basketball.
Grab The DP's Grad Issue, out now, with senior goodbye columns from six now officially former DPOSTMers, Dau Jok traveling to Nigeria for the We Play To Win foundation and Mike Tomlin reflecting on his coaching career while visiting Penn.
And check out The Red & Blue in Review, where we offer snippets of insight into our athletes, coaches and teams of the year, which are also listed after the jump.
Men's Athlete of the Year-Michael Mills Women's Athlete of the Year-Alyssa Baron
Shoutout season is upon us, so inhale the sweet, sweet smell of revenge. Lowbrow airs your grievances and tells you exactly who shit the bed, literally and figuratively. But never fear, the rest of the issue has so much more than ads you can use to wipe your tears.
Whether you’re a nostalgic senior or a lowly freshman, Highbrow gives you the chance to score a highly coveted Round Up Superlative. Hey, at least they don’t use your yearbook picture! If that’s not enough to get you in the mood for a vacation, Ego helps you choose your own summer adventure (spoiler: that’s not code for a Goldman internship), Music goes cross country to scope out the best festivals, and Food and Drink pick out the best chilly snacks around Philly that are sure to keep you cool. If you’d rather beat the heat inside an air–conditioned theatre, well that just sucks. Film explains why. And in honor of Throwback Thursday (if you’re into that, no judgement) Art goes back in time to the best of Penn poets past. Finally, this week’s feature tackles abstinence (or lackthereof) by choice (or lackthereof) at Penn. Oh, and robots are taking over the world in the international Robocup. Let the games begin...
With Ever–loving, Maraschino–sweet, unpopped love,
Don't even think about taking advantage of VP's extended study hours and doing work this Fling weekend. However, you have three homework assignments to complete amidst the debauchery:
1. Submit to SHOUTOUTS. Oh-we-oh-we-oh-we-oh.
2. Take pics with FLING STANLEY. Bonus if A-Gut photo-bombs.
3. Tip us your greatest TEXTS FROM FLING.
That's right, for the third straight Fling, we'll be compiling your greatest texts from the weekend for an upcoming UTB feature! Send 'em in to firstname.lastname@example.org all weekend! Include yo area code so it looks like this:
(215): Hii hiow far does pennride go out???!! i'm stranded in Viullanova HELP ME IM POOR
As Rebecca Stein once said, there is no such thing as a free lunch—just as there is no such thing as a truly waived tuition. However, from what we hear from the most secretive of sources, certain events organically originate as orgies, while others are forcibly filmed for the furious art–fucks of Filmadelphia.
In other news, some of our sections decided to stray Off the Beat(en) path and took a hike towards a healthier, fitter life. We can't guarantee the advice is too great though. Still, if you're just looking for a walk, stroll down the flavorlicious Fishtown in Street's newly reinvented Flavorhoods, 'cause it's always a beautiful day to be a neighbor (won't you be ours?) Tired of old jingles like that? Then get a jump on campus' shittiest music, from Saxby's to Saigon and beyond. Tired off all the shittiness? Then get some culture at PIFA. It's pifftastic.
Love. Dystopia. Corn being like sex. Welcome to the world of fact (or fiction), as Street brings you its Annual Fiction Issue.
This week, Highbrow welcomes the return of the LocustLexicon, providing you with acronyms that are perfect ad libs when you’re SALFing from the SNAG that you slept with last weekend. Wow, TWA. Ego decides to tackle another important (yet we still have classes?) calendar day and center everything on our favorite Prez, A-Gutt. Not really. Instead, we’re having a palooza to celebrate the dear past heads of our country. Puck Frinceton. And Woodrow Wilson. Arts gets all dreamy with ShepardFairey.
But wait, it’s that time of the year: Oscars season. Raise a toast up for another red carpet letdown. Instead of causing controversy and choosing “Zero Dark Thirty” or “Les Miserables” for Best Picture, though it is the Fiction Issue, we bring you our predictions for those less obvious categories like Best Sound Mixing, the ones that you’ll exclaim “WTF” to after that pointless announcement.
While you’re procrastinating all your midterms, you can plan out your spring break with Food & Drink’s suggestions for eating and drinking in those places you seriously wish you were traveling to. And, if you’re into absurdly priced, yet totally worth the experience Music Festivals, check out Music'sSpring Break Festival Guide. Lastly, for a good laugh,Make Your Own Beachwith Lowbrow. And if anyone tells you it’s not possible to go on vacation while sitting in the middle of Locust Walk, tell them to fuck off.
It's just about lunchtime. How much does your sandwich suck? Kidding, we love those (just not the gross ones from Mark's Cafe — could they use any more mayo?!). Here's a better question: have you seen the Dining Guide? If not, get it. NOW. 34th Street's reviewed 20 of Philly's best spots to get grub happy, and none of them involve truffle oil, raw dieting, or fried-cricket-tacos, which do exist. Pick up a copy before they're all gone. Just don't eat it.
P.S. They've got Love for you tomorrow, so get that one, too.
Jeez, it's hot out! We think you should stay indoors-- those pit stains don't match your pants.
Yesterday, we tried getting out of bed. We couldn't. We wrote Summer Street instead.
Monday brought Playlist of the Week (workout style). Today, Street shows you how to swim, bike and run in Philadelphia like you're the iron man himself. Pick it up on stands.
You couldn't think that's all! We've also got a review of the PMA's Visions of Arcadia exhibit (it's, like, so rapturous -- which is a word from the thesaurus), a Street Burger Shakedown between Bobby's and Shake Shack, and oh so much more.
Oh yeah. Write for us. We've got the A/C, because Street loves you.
We know you're feeling :( because there's no Street this week, but cheer up, kid. We've got something arguably better than Shoutouts after break- yup, Spring Break Texts From Last Night! Now you can let the world know how jealous you are everyone on your hall is going to Puerto Vallarta or that idiot in your writing seminar is going to Europe while you're stuck at home. The best ones will go in print in our March 15th publication. Snazzy, eh?
Submit your Spring Break texts to us before midnight on March 12th. Sound good? Good. And have a wonderful break or whatever.
It's February 22nd, 2012, and you know what that means– yup, it's Ash Wednesday andNational Margarita day! Also, SHOPPING GUIDE DAY! Nestled within today's DP you'll find reviews of the neatest and newest shops 'n stops in Philadelphia, from vintage boutiques to a rad South Street teahouse.
Don't feel like go all the way to campus to pick one up? Check out the PDF version here. And as usual, get excited for tomorrow's regular Street. Now, go get some margaritas and do some shopping! It's too nice outside to stay cooped up in the 'brary.
Still alive? Congrats! Looks like you've survived snowpocalypse 2k12. Pat yourself on the back with this week's Street.
Street's all about the romance this week. Film's got some helpful suggestions of where to take your slam piece after a movie. Food & Drink plays (and wins) matchmaker. And Arts keeps it classy as always, with an adorable DIY bookmark perfect for your paperback erotica.
But if you're more the type who wants to punch those heart-shaped balloons every time you walk by CVS, Feature has an escape route to West Philly.
Ego's got the girls behind the vagina costumes. Music has some advice for all you sucka frat DJs. Lowbrow's got the 411 on how to get out of hazing (shoutout to the UA! holla!) And, as always, Highbrow brings you the gossip, where the special musical guest this week is Kweder.
Writer's meeting tonight! We want you. 4015 Walnut. 6:30.
So who is that mysterious silhouetted figure on the cover? We'll never tell, but we will present you with a thoughtfully-researched piece of long-form journalism that asks some serious questions about last semester's Occupy rager. Check it out.
In other news, Highbrow lets you in on a few pledging secrets this week. A concise preview: chain-smoking, Jewish junk and a sorority's new style that's reminiscent of Mugatu'sDerelicte collection.
DP: You and Mark DeRosa represent two of the most accomplished professional athletes in the recent past to graduate from Penn. Are you at all close with Mark? Have you talked to him about making it to the Major Leagues as a former Penn student and Ivy Leaguer? Do you have any thoughts on Mark as a person or as a ballplayer?
I haven’t talked to him much in the offseason but whenever I see him we catch up, we definitely share that common thread. I did an event with him, it was an event for athletes against drugs last winter. We just talked, and when I introduced him I gave a nice warm 15 minute presentation on Mark DeRosa, and we both have the Jersey connection so yeah, I’m always rooting for him. I hope he continues to have success and plays as long as he can.
I remember seeing him get in with the Braves, he was always waiting for that opportunity. He had the experience of being in Atlanta with the Championships. I think that showed he could contribute to a winning team.
You know that you’re an underdog coming out of the Ivy League. Penn is one thing, that’s obviously special, but you look out for any of the other schools in the league because you know its an upward climb.
He had a great year one of the years I was there. Just showing a lot of power and being the swing guy. Mark DeRosa is a guy that you’d love to have on your team because he’s super utility. He plays everywhere but you don’t necessarily lose productivity in the power game.
I know he’s been hurt, he’s had some injuries, he’s got to prove that he’s back on his game with the Nationals. He has the ability to get back but that what happens when father time starts to chip away.
DP: How do you feel about the success of former Ivy League athletes at the professional level? Though the league does boast some big time names throughout its history (Lou Gerhig, Ken Dryden, and Bill Bradley to name a few), there have been fewer athletes to point to in recent history who have carved out successful professional careers in athletics. Do you agree with this assessment, and if so, to what would you attribute it to?
You know, it’s a challenge for Ivy League players to just get recognized. You don’t play as much baseball and sometimes there’s stigmas associated with it as a smart guy or whatever. I don’t think this is any different from when I came up, I was drafted in ’91 and I had the same challenges. But the game has evolved in a lot of ways, and certain elements of it do stand out. The game is a little more global, more international now, players from all over the place. More personnel, more opportunities. When you’re competing against guys that are seen as playing around the clock, you have bigger hurdles. There are more guys that are competing that have that advantage
There will still be the shining stars, Chris Young???, Will Venable at Princeton…I pay attention to these guys. I wrote that article about Will, then I talked to Will shortly thereafter a couple years ago when he broke in. I was the first African American Ivy League Major Leaguer, and he was the second….You look out for each other. You recognize it’s a tough road. You can pull it off, the world’s your oyster.
DP: What do you think the league could do to raise the level of play in the Ivy Leagues?
Its cyclical. There are years where you have a particularly strong class.
Penn is a very popular school. There are attractive elements associated to the education you can get. There are always elements that come and go. Whether you can compete with Stanford or whether you just have not as strong a class.
I know they tried different things with divisions where they played each other and they try to spice it up a little bit to make it interesting. When I came to Penn, I was drawn to the fact that they played a really nice schedule outside of the league. I was drawn to the opportunity to both pitch and hit. I liked the fact that the coach was pretty good at marketing the team. We were able to get marquee games. I was able to play in the Cape Cod summer league. Individually, if you have a head coach who manages it well and gets the exposure that can really make a big difference to have you be seen and attract people.
DP: Though academics will always take priority, do you believe the addition of postseason football or an Ivy League basketball tournament might sway some top recruits toward Ivy League schools?
I know that playoffs have always been discussed. One division, two divisions, and all these things. But if you have a good team, you can get to the NCAA tournament.
I found it to be a good opportunity, a good place to play. I played against the University of Miami, Notre Dame, Illinois, Santa Barbara, Arizona State, Villanova was an absolute juggernaut when I played against them. They’re good teams, its good baseball.
Playlist Of The Week– It's Monday and you're like, "Ugh thx 2 g-d this is the last monday of classes i'm so done with thiz semester yall." Well, we've got some St. Vincent, Clams Casino (channeling Imogen Heap), Radiohead and other greats to help you celebrate!
It's a wonderful time during the year. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Shoutouts just around that other corner. But before we cut both of those corners, we have another Street tradition for you: Cultural Elite.
Aside from bashing and thrashing at our beloved seniors, Street also had time to check in with the boys of BMOC.Food & Drink stumbled across Market Street. to the food trucks dotting Drexel's campus.
Film hung out with some Penn celebs to find out their secret celebrity crushes. Music drowned their sorrows in a nice cup of Drake. Arts named a Cribz winner! He's in Theos. Shocker.
This week's feature is about Lisa Lisa (the girl so nice they named her twice!) and her weekly drag show at South Street bar, Bob and Barbara's.
Local ReTREEt—Get your PennCards out and head over to the Morris Arboretum, Penn's very own tree haven just a short drive from campus. This really nice, upgraded version of the Bio Pond is open late on Thursday nights all summer long (that’s tomorrow!) and even made last year’s Best of Philly list. Check out Street's article here.
For anyone who follows Penn basketball and college hoops as a whole, it was hard to miss one face on ESPN over and over again this week: former Quakers coach Glen Miller, now director of basketball operations at UConn. As the Huskies made an incredible 5-games-in-5-days run to the Big East Championship, Miller was right there — on the bench, in the huddle, drawing up plays on the whiteboard, blurrily standing in front of ESPN's camera shot of Kemba Walker...
In just a season and a half, Miller has gone from mid-season Ivy dismissal to Big East champ and belle of the Big Dance. While Miller is busy preparing for the NCAA tourney next weekend, Philly.com's Jonathan Tannenwald was at the Big East tourney and caught up with the man who he used to interview beneath the Palestra bleachers. Check out his transcript here for more, but here's a few snippets:
Do you see yourself at some point, whether in the short- or medium-term, getting back into head coaching?
Yeah. Once you’ve been a head coach, you certainly still think you can do a good job. Hopefully another opportunity comes at some time. But for right now it’s just, when you’re on a team, whether you’re a player or a coach, you’re trying to contribute everything you can to help your program win.
My role is different here, and again I’m just trying to do what I can here and take care of, game by game, helping this program move forward. And winning a big game like today. I think when you win, everybody is rewarded for that, so hopefully down the road I’ll get another opportunity.
Do you still talk to any of your former players from Penn or Brown?
Yeah, you know, here and there. I don’t get to that much. Again, you’re wrapped up in the moment, and they’re busy with their seasons and their careers. So not as much as I might like. But I’m just enjoying this season and what we’re into right now at the University of Connecticut.
As you may have noticed, the UTB staff looks a bit different this semester. While we bade a tearful farewell to our 2010 ed Hillary Reinsberg, we gained the awesome new Sandra Rubinchik. Ian, Adrian, Hannah and I are still around, and we have new friends at 34th Street to hang out with too.
We've assembled this all-star team to capture the debauchery that's bound to be Spring semester, but we're not stopping there. In our effort to leave no stone un-turned, no convo unheard, and no event un-attended, we're on the prowl for fresh blood.
Think you've got what it takes to write for UTB? Come to the Street writer's meeting tonight. 6:30 p.m. at 4015 Walnut. We'll be the ones in the corner looking either creepy or too cool, depending on how awesome you are.
But if that's not your thing, fear not because Arts brings us something totally Lady Gaga–esque: an art show based on meat. We're hoping this modern art is E. coli free. Speaking of meat, have you heard Kanye and Jay–Z's H.A.M.?
Good thing our centerspread brings you to an after–school program in Fishtown where kids of all ages get their rock on and jam out as a way to stay out of trouble. Literally — it's School of Rock. Let's just hope these kids enjoy our Brussels sprouts recipe of the week.
While Mr. Silcox certainly provides the majority of the content here on The Buzz, the rest of the staff has big plans for a coup d'etat.
Well, sort of. In any case, expect to see some new faces in the coming weeks. You may be familiar with a few, but hopefully these introductions can provide new insight into DPOSTM.
First up, Senior Sports Editor.
Hi all! I'm Cal Silcox, senior sports editor of the DP. I'm from Washington, D.C. and was born and raised right on Capitol Hill, though none of my family was ever involved in government. I'm a fan of all D.C. sports, though I can't say I care much about the Wizards. I'm a big Nats fan and an even bigger Ryan Zimmerman fan, and was very lucky to cover the Nationals a few time last summer. At the DP I've covered a lot of things (even news, believe it or not) but my main focus has been men's basketball. In the rare moments that I'm not at the Palestra, I'm a junior in the college studying science, technology and society. My favorite movie is Back to the Future, and maybe if Megan is lucky, I'll go do some Yoga with her this semester.
Next, the Big Three.
Call me D. Wade (or M.Sois). I'm Megan Soisson, and as last semester's Associate Sports Editor, Bosh & LeBron (Kevin & LeBrian) brought their talents to join me at 4015 Walnut. Enough about the Big 3 (Cal is our surrogate Pat Riley), I'm not even a huge NBA fan...though I did drag my dad to a Lakers game in DC when I was in 6th grade. I even made us matching Kobe & Shaq t-shirts. I'm a huge sports fan — mostly pro, and especially the Steelers. I like to brag that I've had season tickets in my family since the 70s, and my first Steelers memory is in 1995 (at the ripe old age of 4) at a Super Bowl carnival event in Phoenix, Az. While I can't brag about the outcome of that game, I can brag about 6 Rings! Both my parents are from the Burgh, but aside from that short stint in the Phoenix area, I spent my formative years in a quaint town called Mechanicsburg, Pa., just outside of the Commonwealth's capital. In high school, I was a 3-sport athlete and now I just write and edit (I'll admit football has been my favorite). I really enjoy half marathons (never thought I would say that) and triathlons. I even won my age group in the Medford Lakes sprint triathlon this summer. I'm a sophomore studying nursing, though I'd love to attend law school and be a malpractice defense lawyer. I am also active in Sigma Kappa Sorority. Have I told you too much?
Yo, my name is Brian Kotloff, but my friends like to call me Kotty2Hotty. I'm a junior from Cheltenham, Pa., a suburb outside of Northeast Philly, and I represent one of Penn's smallest demographics: a Communications major that's not female or an athlete. I grew up on Eagles playoff chokes, Phillies phutility, Allen Iverson and Big 5 basketball. The Fightin's recent rise to the top of the MLB and signing of my mancrush Cliff Lee has left me in a permanent state of glee, while the Eagles try their hardest to remind me I've only witnessed one championship in my lifetime. In this spring - man, this is very tough - this spring I'm going to take my talents to Walnut Street and join the 127 as a Sports Editor.
This guy has a turtle:
My name is Kevin Esteves, but unlike Kotloff, I am known by more than one alias; "Kesteves," "Kesti," (or "Keste," depending on your dialect,) and "Emilio" are the big ones. I'm a junior communication major hailing from the South Riverdale section of The Bronx, New York and I'm a huge NBA fan (see: Knicks wallpaper in my room at home). I grew up playing basketball 24/7 and hope to channel that passion into a career one day (sports journalism or other) but for now, it's about changing things up at the DP. I like to think that Kotloff, Soisson, and I engineered our big move up to the 127 a la the Heatles (the Bosh of the group seems to change weekly). The good news is that we've already had our rocky 9-8 start, so we're on the up and coming now under the tutelage of Calder Silcox (Pat Riley) and we're hoping to do big things.
I'm Michael Gold. After a year as the Sports Design Editor and a year of Senior Sports Editor, I'm going to be joining the DP retirement club and writing about men's basketball and at-large issues--yes, that's intentionally vague--this semester. After transferring to Penn following a freshman year at Indiana University (go Hoosiers!), I'm looking forward (read: dreading) to taking my Cinema Studies degree and heading out into the world.
My name is Ari Seifter, and I left my mark at the DP with my awesome headline-writing as an Associate Sports Editor two years ago. As far as I know I am currently the only sports writer in the Engineering school and also the only fourth-year staff writer. I was born and raised in Baltimore, so I am a diehard Orioles and Ravens fan and a Maryland Terrapins fan on the side. I'm a Computer and Cognitive Science major, but I'll be headed to medical school in the fall. I have previously been a beat writer for women's basketball (twice), men's tennis, women's lacrosse (twice), women's soccer, men's soccer (twice), and men's basketball.
Hi I'm Steve Childs '11. I am from Garden City, Long Island, major in History, and my favorite team is Mets. I follow baseball and am an avid track fan as well. I ran competitively in High School and college until a labral tear in my hip sidelined me.
Hi?! I'm Jennifer Scuteri, a current junior in the College of Arts and Science. I'm pursuing a double major in both English and Communication. Because I was raised in the Philadelphia suburbs, I have embraced the (often aggressive) culture of Philadelphia sports fandom. Chosing between the Eagles and the Phillies is like chosing which hypothetical child I love more. I am entering into my sixth (whoa!) semester writing for DPOSTM and served as an associate editor on the 125. I've covered field hockey, women's basketball, and women's lacrosse (the sport I played all throughout middle school and high school). Most recently, I have worked my way up to the ranks of the men's basketball beat. On campus, I am Vice President of New Member Education for Sigma Kappa Sorority. I am a member of Soundworks Tap Factory where I am continuing my unbroken 18-year tap dancing streak (I'm coming for you, Brett Favre). I also think very highly of peanut butter, Saturday Night Live, and Pandora internet radio.
Hi there! My name is Eli Jacob Cohen (Yes, I know what you're thinking, but that IS my real name) and I'm a junior sportswriter from Washington, D.C. I enjoy short walks on the beach (long walks are bad for my shin splints) and making my world-famous goat cheese and herb-roasted pine nut souffle. I always wanted to play football and basketball, but was always too short and too slow. So instead, I cover Penn football and basketball, as well as overarching issues in the Penn athletic community. It was once said that my writing is like a cross between that of Mark Twain and Shakespeare, but I'm not entirely sure who said so. I'm a big fan of Washington Redskins safety LaRon "Dirty Thirty" Landry, but not so much of the rest of the team. I love rap music (but can't stand top-40 pop hip-hop) and will never forgive Snoop for rapping on a Katy Perry song. I'm Cal's favorite employee at the DP [Ed’s note: Eli thinks he is Cal’s favorite employee]. I have three cats named George, Dingus and Huckleberg.
Hey everyone, my name is Chan Park (pronounced kind of like John or Shawn...not like Jackie Chan..) and I'm currently a junior from Basking Ridge, NJ studying Communication. I really enjoy watching and playing most sports but I'm a huge basketball fan and played it throughout middle school and high school. Luckily, I'm covering the men's basketball beat this season but have also covered volleyball and men's tennis as well. Outside of the DP, I sing with Full Measure Christian A Cappella, enjoy grabbing Lyns sandwiches for lunch and in my free time (or whenever I just don't feel like doing anything) I like to watch Community, 30 Rock and The Office...which also happens to be 3/4 of NBC's Thursday night lineup.
I’m Sushaan Modi (and if you really feel the need you may call me Sushi) and I’m a freshman who single handedly almost ruined Cal’s surprise birthday. I was born in Demarest, which is in the nice part of NJ (home to the worst basketball and hockey team in the country). I am the only one in my family who watches sports regularly so my entire extended family believes I am adopted. My favorite team is the Yankees so please get it out of your system right now. I am a proud New York Red Bulls fan (for those of you who probably don’t know it’s an MLS team) and a huge US Soccer team because I watch every game. In high school I was the shortest hurdler in the county and am the subject of every short joke (even from people who are shorter than me).
Hi! My name is Alyssa Kress. I'm a sophomore transfer student from UNC. Currently, I am writing about swimming and diving and women's basketball. I'm from Abington, a suburb of Philly. Naturally, I am a huge Philly sports fan. And like clockwork, the Eagles have disappointed me again. I'm a political science and communications double major and I want to be a sports broadcaster. I love watching TV, eating Kraft mac&cheese, and Disney World, the happiest place on earth :)
My name is Alex Siegel, a sophomore PPE major from Portola Valley, CA. I am a devoted fan of the World Champion San Francisco Giants, and my facebook interests include Penny Lane, the Feeney call, J.T. Snow, and anything narrated by Morgan Freeman. I mostly employed by the DP for my critically acclaimed work with our weekly "30 Seconds" spots, but once in a while I write real stories as well. I hope you enjoy reading them.
My name is Brette Trost and I’m a sophomore in the College majoring in English with a minor in Hispanic Studies. As a bona fide New York City girl and Mets fan, I am obsessed with baseball and hating the Yankees. Despite dealing with heart wrenching season collapses and having an elementary school journal covered with stories of how I hate Armando Benitez, my ability to root for the underdog against long odds has prepared me well for Penn sports. I have covered softball, women’s soccer and women’s basketball and I’m also Assistant Music Director of The Penny Loafers, Penn’s co-ed a cappella group.
Hi, I'm Becky Umbach. I'm currently studying Criminology and Communications, but who knows where I'll end up. At any time I am most likely watching a TV show about criminals or murderers, which is somewhat morbid but always good for cocktail/dinner party conversation. I moved to Massachusetts at a very opportune time, just four years before the Red Sox's first World Series win in 86 years. I was the girl in class who could rattle off statistics and standings at the drop of a hat, making me somewhat of an oddity. The highlight of my sportsfan life was when I went to Red Sox Spring Training and I got Jacoby Ellsbury to sign a ball for me while they were shooting a Sports Illustrated cover. He and Clay Bucholz are way taller close-up. I managed the boys baseball team in high school, and I like to think that their New England Championship was somewhat due to my superb chocolate chip cookies, which was as much a job requirement as any actual knowledge of baseball. I've written stories about a variety of sports, and most recently covered Men's Soccer.
Salutations, I'm Ethan Lalakea Alter, staff sportswriter for the Daily Pennsylvanian. I hail from fair Los Altos, California. As a former sprint football player (pushing 187 pounds), I bring a unique perspective and tenacity to writing about Penn sports. This season, you can catch my articles about WHoops (that's women's basketball, not an expression of frustration) and wrestling. I do not know what else to say.
Hey guys! I'm Stephanie Rice, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences. I am a sports writer currently covering Men's Squash and Tennis. Born and raised in the best county, Wade County, I am proud to call Miami, the 305, my home. King James rules this paradise and is quickly making up for my poor Dolphins depressing showing this season. In addition to writing for sports, I am a copy editor for 34th Street. But when I'm not cheering on my beloved Heat or hanging out at The DP offices, I especially enjoy baking and blowing off steam at Pottruck. Get excited for what should be an awesome winter sports season!
I'm MikeTony, current freshman in the College of Arts & Sciences. Born and raised in Uniontown, PA, I'm a devout Pittsburgh sports fan. I've covered Men's and Women's squash for DPOSTM. I love the Terrible Towel, scrambled eggs, The Simpsons, and the color yellow. On Sunday mornings, I host Popscene with MikeTony, a WQHS Penn student radio show that showcases my dual passions for sports and rock n' roll pop music (The Beatles come to mind). In addition to being a member of the Penn Band (trumpet) and Penn Scrabble Club, I also enjoy studying American and world history as well as slightly more useless trivia, sports or otherwise (think Jeopardy, Stump the Schwab, Cash Cab--also yellow).
Hi! My name’s John Phillips and I’m a freshman in the College. I’ll be covering squash for the next couple of months. I was born and raised in Philadelphia, and due to this, my heart has been broken more times than I’d like to admit. For some reason, all Philadelphia sports fans have this agitating tendency towards believing in their teams when all logic suggests that we should just watch reruns of Two and a Half Men for the next three hours. That having been said, I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than watching a good game.
Hello, my name is Stephen Purcell and I am a freshman in the College. Growing up IN (not around or near) Philadelphia, sports is more or less thrust upon you. Therefore, I am a big Philadelphia sports fan: Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, Sixers in that order. Also, I am loving my time working for the Sports section of the DP. It has help me become a better writer and learn the importance of responsibility. In my spare time, I like to golf. I am a masked bandit, I mean caddy at North Hills Country Club during the golfing season (March to October).
My name is Brandon Bell and I am a staff writer for DPOSTM. I’ve covered women’s soccer, men’s tennis, fencing, and have worked on the recruiting initiative on the Buzz. Hailing from northern New Jersey, I am quite unorthodox in that I root for the Yankees and Jets. Living in a Penn family dynasty (two alumni parents and a sister who is a senior), I have been surrounded by the Red and Blue since birth. Also a Penn basketball junkie, some of you may have seen me on national TV behind the Penn bench against Kentucky (I could touch zack rosen!). Another cool fact about me is that I’ve been to every Major League Baseball Stadium with San Francisco being my favorite.
Hey y’all, I’m Aaron Campbell, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences. As you can guess this means this is my second semester writing for the sports section. Born and raised in Dallas, Texas, I obviously love the Cowboys. How was it being a Cowboys fan in a Vick-laden Philadelphia this fall? Well obviously it was a difficult year, but I can now at least take solace that it at least won’t be the Eagles competing for a Super Bowl in my hometown. I also love college football. Thankfully, it’s a passion that the rule-laden Ivy League has yet to squash. (No FCS tournament, really?) More recently for the DP, I’ve started covering both the Men’s and Women’s Swim teams, a sport I did myself for four years in High School. I must admit it is nice for once to enjoy my winters from outside the freezing water.
The Quakers host UMBC, the team that Penn beat last year to end its 0-10 losing streak to open the season. Penn looks to against bounce back against the Retrievers, this time after losing to Pitt last Saturday.
There's a Writers' Meeting tonight, 6:30 p.m. at 4015 Walnut. But lets be real, most importantly: as of now, we are currently accepting submissions for this semesters' Shoutouts, set to hit stands on Dec. 2nd. Put your mean, witty, clever, grateful, spiteful and/or vengeful faces on and get a'writing -- at email@example.com, we always welcome you with open arms. And hips. As long as you send them in by Nov. 28th.
As normal, we've got your gossip, reveiws of music, film and food, and a little opinion here and there. And we'll be at the office as ususal -- 4015 Walnut -- at 6:30 p.m. tonight for the weekly Writers' Meeting.
Street is here to help you navigate the complicated yet mostly glorious world that is culinary Philadelphia -- from the highbrow to the lowbrow; the locally-inspired to the foreign; the mobile to those considered Philadelphia institutions. Plus the print issue -- pick it up or download it here! -- has over 600 listings that'll make you the go-to guy or gal when your friends are trying to figure out what restaurant to try next.
And don't worry, there'll be a normal issue of Street inside the DP tomorrow as usual.
Without even really meaning to, we have a spooktacularly Halloween-themed Street for you this week. Our cover story this week is a creepy, crawly tour of 'Spookadelphia' -- turns out that our dear city is chock full of ghosts, ghouls and otherwise paranormal happenings. Freaky! Also inside the mag is your guide to all things Halloween: tricky treats in Food and Drink, local costume shops and hallowed happenings in Ego and Film has cinema-inspired (just like this week's Ego of the Week!) costume ideas.
Also inside? A pro/con of Willow Smith's new single, things stupid people do and say, a recap of the Philly Film Festival and a squirrel orgasm. So, we say download it! Pick it up on stands! Read it online at 34st.com! And get your weekend-long celebration of all things spooky, slutty and school spirited right -- it's the weekly Writers' Meeting at the Street office! 4015 Walnut St. at 6:30 p.m. We would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for those pesky kids!
So draw up your chalk square maze (careful not to scrape your knuckles!), gather up some friends, sit down on number 4 and pull out this week's issue of Street. All together now -- we've gossip and tales of lonely Fall Breaks in Highbrow, Ego of the Week (plus dog) Jessie Spellman and a glimpse at Philly's new casino in Ego and a Food and Drink section that will make you want to drinkdrinkdrink.
Big news coming out of Saratoga Springs, N.Y. for Penn sprint football fans: the Quakers defeated perennial Collegiate Sprint Football League favorites Navy 24-14 on Saturday.
With a heavy dose of Penn's running game from senior Mike Bagnoli (who netted 104 yards on 29 rushes) and a bruising defense that tallied four sacks and four forced fumbles, the Quakers snapped a 10-game losing streak to Navy. The victory is even more impressive considering the Midshipmen had not lost a single game and were on a 25-game winning streak that dated back to 2006.
Coach Wagner spoke to me before the season about how the favorable schedule (two tune-up games against Princeton and Post, followed by a matchup with Navy early in the season) might give Penn a great shot at taking down Navy and lo and behold, the Quakers followed through.
As a result, Penn (now 3-0) is definitely in the driver's seat to make a legitimate run at the title. The CSFL certainly got a lot more interesting.
Here at Street, we happen to think that 'f' is a particularly noble letter. Just think, without 'f,' no for! Or food! Or fondle. And definitely no "Fuck You" by CeeLo. And poor Phillies General Counsel Richard Strouse, who we've profiled for this week's cover story -- phraud? phranchise? Phreedom? This is hardly legal terminology.
As always, the Street staff will be convening at 6:30 p.m. this evening at the Street offices (4015 Walnut, up the stairs and all the way in the back) for our weekly Writers' Meeting. Come hang! Come write! Come contribute!
See after the jump for this weeks content that it online online! As in not in the print magazine!
As always, our Writers' Meeting is at 6:30 p.m. at the DP offices (4015 Walnut, up two flights and all the way to the back) -- come to claim an assignment for next week's issue or mingle with the staff. Write! Blog! Go cra-cra-Yellowtail-at-the-ZBT-mixer.
Listen up kids, 'cuz Street is back in the habit ... of shitting on freshman, cleaning them off, hugging them a little too hard and showing them how to join the rest of us as full-fledged Penn students. Go ahead, flip to the (figurative) back of the magazine: it's the 2010 Freshman Superlatives! And if you're a current senior, check out Superlatives 2007: Now and Then to relive your glory days and glance at the former superlatives WHO HAVE LEARNED NOTHING.
Highbrow has a new gossip column, The Gutter. It's real sassy. But not quite as sassy as senior class president Adam Behrens' Ego of the Week interview.
In case you didn't make the cut for superlatives and are jealous of your comrades' newfound fame, there's still plenty of celebrity left in the magazine to get you buzzed. Read Arts' Interview with Abdi Farrah - the recent Work of Art winner and Penn alum extraordinaire.
If today's issue pops your Street cherry, then firstly we say, congratulations. Second we say, virgin be gone! Thirdly, we say come meet the people who made today's dreams come true. Our FIRST WRITERS' MEETING IS TONIGHT AT 6:30 P.M.
Meet us at the DP Building at 4015 Walnut St. No experience necessary. Only good hand-eye coordination --> there will be a KEG.
Sophomore point guard Malcolm Washington, son of Denzel, chose to leave the Penn men's basketball team, according to a Penn basketball source.
As of the beginning of September he was no longer listed on the Quakers' roster.
Washington struggled in the few minutes he accrued during his freshman year, seeing little playing time behind unanimous all-Ivy point guard Zack Rosen. Washington started one game in Rosen's place when the Rosen was briefly benched for a violation of team rules.
Beyond his meager statistics (a .157 clip in shooting) Malcolm's future role on the team became questionable with the announcement of a large incoming freshman classripe with supposed guard talent.
The roster now sits at 20 players, still five above the League travel limit, but with injuries the Quakers will likely not have too much trouble making weight.
No word as to whether Denzel will continue to travel to Philly to watch the Quakers in the flesh as he did for about half of last season.
Update: For you lazy, or out-of-town folk, SHOUTOUTS ARE ONLINE. You can download the real .pdf here. It's almost like the real thing.
So, like, okay. It's Shoutouts time again. So you probably won't even be reading the following paragraph. You'll just instantaneously wonder off and download the .pdf here.
But then, you'll quickly realize that SHOUTOUTS won't be online until this afternoon, PSYCHE! So you'll be forced to pick up the print issue. Well, it's a good thing it has some very entertaining things made special for you. Such as fantabulous Miss Julia Rubin, former Street Editor-in-Chief and this week's stellar Ego Of The Week interviewee. We've also rounded up the freshest crop of upcoming summer music releases as well as a review of Australian thriller, The Square to tickle your fancy. Speaking of tickling ... You might want to take a sneak peak at this week's True Life ...
Before you get your knickers in a twist, shoutouts will be hitting the 34st.com website by this afternoon.
And campus was still ... Well, at least we here at the Street office were.
But now, tis the day of Fling and amidst all your kick-off celebrations, you almost forgot your favorite Thursday pick-me-up, didn't cha? Well, don't worry. We're still here and always in need of yo' love.
Street's on stands today, and boy, do we have some goodies for you.
For the foodies and Food Network addicts out there, we have an interview with Bobby Flay and a review of his brand spanking new restaurant, Bobby's Burger Palace. For those less interested in the inner workings of a crunchified burger, there's a Do It Yourself guide to stop-motion animation, bound to solicit endless hours of fun. And gracing us with her endless wit is cute as a button Ego of the Week Colby Farber. Don't forget to check out this week's feature on the Mighty Writers Program!
Click here for the .pdf and get to reading. For remember, the Penn is mightier than the sword... (haha, get it? We said Penn as in pen but not really.)
OH, we almost forgot: Shoutout season is upon us. Email them to firstname.lastname@example.org, but not before you read this.
You should know what to do, but in case you don't: check out Lowbrow eds Ben Rosen and Charlotte Borgen's friendly advice for crafting the perfect Shoutout.
Be genuine. Say what you feel in your heart of hearts.
EXAMPLE: To the girl on Beige who gets lots of attention: That’s because you have big jugs. I mean, your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze ‘em!
If you’re going to shout someone out, why not own up to it?
EXAMPLE: To the MERT whose bike I stole: Sorry. From, the jackass who ended up having to call you and get medical amnestied five minutes later.
Sometimes less is more.
EXAMPLE: To the football player who begged me to hold his dick while he peed: No.
More pearls of Shoutout wisdom, after the jump.
Don’t do this:To (person you know through some organization or class): you can (double entendre related to that organization or class) anytime.
Say what we’re all thinking.
EXAMPLE: To the kids with names like Zshu-Liau who asked to be called Jen on the first day of class: If you’re not going to use Zshu-Liau, can I? A name like that shouldn’t go to waste.
Be as specific as possible.
EXAMPLE: To the only other person who’s had sex under the Button, on the Button, through a hole in the Button, on top of the Love sculpture, in the Blarney bathroom, at the top of 38th Street bridge, and on the 8th floor of Huntsman: What a fucking year. Happy Anniversary, baby!
It’s okay to be nice.
EXAMPLE: To my Chinese teacher: You’re the most precious person alive and we all secretly want to hug you.
While transcribing the interview I came across this zinger from Athletic Director Steve Bilsky:
DP: And you see a tie to Penn or even to philly not necessarily as an exclusionary factor but as a big factor?
Bilsky: Absolutely, you said it. I mean, you wouldn’t rule out whoever the best coach is, but you would want to have appreciation of Penn. I would rule somebody out if they thought we were Penn State, for example"
Welcome back, dear readers, from your far off beaches and emerald-clad day drinking. Welcome back from your villas, your cruise ships, your volunteer high-horses and your parent's couches. Welcome back to the grim (but Spring-ish!) clutches of reality.
We could dwell on the impending doom of finals and graduation and internships and cankles, but to be honest we'd rather talk about ourselves. And thank goodness, because this week's issue of Street is anything but grim. Our feature is the story of Giovanni's Room, the country's oldest gay book store, and its fight for first acceptance and now survival. Food gives us the granola bar lowdown, Music helps you find a summer job in the Music industry and Bobby Valentino checks in with a post- Spring Break message to the bodacious shorties among you. Ronald Jordache (yes, Jordache!) Wynn of Mask & Wig is Ego of the Week, and of course there's the usual gossip (omgbestbreakever), reviews and general wonderfulness.
Pick up the issue! Or download the .pdf. Regardless: our weekly Writers' Meetings will resume tonight, 6:30 p.m. at 4015 Walnut. If you have any interest in contributing to Street, stop on by!!
Every year, Street does a little thing called the BestofPenn. It's simple, really: There's a survey. You have opinions. You vote. We count your votes. And then we print your votes, along with words and pretty things in the April 1st issue of the magazine.
Whether it's Penn's technological failures, music venues, fro-yo, or places to secret poop, as students you know this campus best. Here's the chance to have your say.
It's been a rumor for some time now, but now it's official. Toni Kukoc's son Marin Kukoc has committed to Penn. Dick Jerardi writes in today's Daily News: "Penn got a commitment from Marin Kukoc, Toni's son from Chicago. He is just the latest in what is shaping up as a terrific recruiting class."
As far as I know, it's not over yet. Kevin Panzer, who committed to Penn and then de-committed, is not out of the running to re-commit. I'll be clear: I don't know anything for sure, except that he hasn't made his decision yet and Penn is still pursuing him. And I also don't think Penn is done pursuing other options, even with the huge class they already have.
As for Kukoc, the NBA pedigree is obviously the first thing that sticks out. He is a 6-6/6-7 swingman at about 185 pounds (that's a guess on my part). I don't know much else about him at this point, but the DP should have a full story later today or tomorrow. But I posted some videos after the jump which will hopefully give a better sense of him as a player.
And here's a look at Marin Kukoc off the court:
I'll say one thing for sure, Zack Rosen is going to have lots and lots and lots of shooters around him next year. If Penn isn't the best three-point shooting team in the league in a year or two, then the Palestra isn't the greatest college basketball arena in the country.
But on the flip side, I could see there being major problems with next year's roster. Here's how it stands now based on players who are expected to return: Zack Rosen, Jack Eggleston, Rob Belcore, Tyler Bernardini, Dan Monckton, Mike Howlett, Conor Turley, Zack Gordon, Larry Loughery, Brian Fitzpatrick, Malcolm Washington, Sean Mullan, Tommy Eggleston and the seven recruits. That's a total of 19 players, which is completely absurd for an Ivy League roster (or any college basketball roster). It seems all the recruits are still going to stick with Penn, unless something drastic and unexpected happens, which could mean some upperclassmen get cut from the roster. Is that really possible? We'll just have to wait and see.
The last interesting point I'll make for now is how this is going to affect the coaching search. Unlike the last time Penn went looking for a coach, the cupboard isn't bare this year. Whoever takes the helm next year, whether it's Jerome Allen or someone else, is going to have a superstar point guard for two years and a group of seven freshmen who could all wind up being quality players.
I still think Allen is the clear front runner, and he has played a role in these recruiting efforts which certainly gives him even better odds, but you can't put them at 100% just yet, and this class along with Zack Rosen could attract a coach with an impressive resume. Yet again, we'll just have to wait and see.
Whenever we have marketing focus groups about the DP, a disconcerting number of people say that they aren't sure whether the things they read in Street are true or made up. (Hey, Lowbrow) We assure you that we tell no lies, but for one week only, we're eliminating all ambiguity. Now you don't have to think!
This is all to say that we are having a fiction contest! We want you to submit your best piece of short fiction (1800-2200 words) and then we are going to publish it as our cover story on February 25th. It will be illustrated and you can brag to everyone that YOU were the best of the best, the creme de la crop, the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas...you get the picture. We'll also publish two honorable mentions on 34st.com.
The deadline to submit is MONDAY, FEBRUARY 15TH! Send your piece to email@example.com.
Check out the Facebook invite here for the same information in a different format.
If there was ever anything that we would admit to being better than 34th Street, it would be snow days. Especially two in a row. And especially two in a row in which we, despite what the DPsays, do anything but study.
And in honor of these two glorious days, we proudly present to you the first ever Friday edition of Street.
So pick it up! Or download the .pdf. Our Thursday Writers' Meeting this week was canceled, but they'll resume next week as usual: Feb. 18, 6:30 p.m., 4015 Walnut. Email firstname.lastname@example.org if you're interested in contributing to this week's issue.
You may be half asleep in class, but Street is busy making waves. Radio waves, that is. Our centerfold features West Philadelphia radio cooperatives as they hold their own against commercial radio. And speaking of cooperatives, they dofoodtoo.
So pick up an issue right now. Or download the PDF. Read it, savor it, love it. Because this is the last regular issue of Street for the semester. But fear not, next week we will print our annual joke issue (plus Cultural Elite!).
Today's PSA: Street didn't accidentally print on a Wednesday. Nope, we just decided to give you a bonus issue this week. While you can enjoy normal Street-ness tomorrow, pick up our Fall 2009 Dining Guide today!
Nestled inside the DP, our guide has tons of reviews and 800+ listings. There is indeed life beyond Commons, folks.
What's your favorite Philly restaurant? Let us know in the comments.
This weekend is Homecoming, which among other things means Penn students will remember what daydrinking is and alums will come back and hook up with nubile young coeds. It also means that there is a football game or something.
Let Street ease you out of your Halloween-induced weeklong hangover and into this Homecoming weekend. First, check out our rundown of weird Penn traditions that have gone by the wayside. Then study up on Penn alums who have cool (read: non-i-banking) jobs. You'll also want to recap the week's gossip, get to know the Ego of the Week and hear from SPEC's fall concert acts.
Yes, we here at Street are here to remind you that Penn is pretty cool. So pick up an issue (or download the PDF) and get ready for a weekend full of kegs 'n' eggs, Bloody Marys and maybe even a little toast throwing.
Happy Thursday, folks. Many of you are probably looking forward to this upcoming weekend of debauchery; some of you have decided that Halloween began on Tuesday. Either way, Street is here to get you through the weekend.
We check out some candy we wish we had gotten when we used to trick or treat, investigate Halloween-approved stain removal and clue you into a kid whose music should be played at every sloppy party you will attend. Lowbrow educates us on a Halloween alternative, and there's a whole bunch of other non-Halloween stuff, too (you know, the usual: Ego of the Week, the Roundup, our cover story).
So pick up a copy, download the PDF and stop by our writers' meeting tonight — 6:30 at 4015 Walnut.
You know who it is. Yeah, it’s Streetagain. And you know what day it is. Yeah, it’s Thursday. It’s been a whole week since we saw you last, and it’s about time for another rendezvous, summer style. Because we’ve missed you.
Up for some after-dinner dancing? Read our Street eds’ account of their venture westward to Chicago’s Pitchfork Festival, and tune your iPod to the list of featured bands. Speaking of Apple, peep our review of the newest iPhone. Because what’s sexier than the latest in gadgetry?
And finally, follow us and hit up the aphrodisiac-filled Oyster House, sure to satisfy your Center City shellfish cravings. Let’s put it in terms of the transitive property. If you’re reading UTB, and UTB reads Summer Street, then you should read Summer Street. And you thought math served no purpose beyond your Formal Reasoning requirement.
Long, long ago, Founding Father John Adams (stud alert!!!) had the following to say:
The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival...It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.
Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and math is really hard so we're willing to forgive the fact that Adams' prediction was two days off. What really trips us up is that he didn't say anything about Lee Greenwood, Slip-N-Slides, or patriotic apparel. What gives?
One thing's for certain, and that is that We the People of 34th Street did the following to celebrate the big 5-0 (states):
Paul: Spent part of the day waterskiing on a boat piloted by a bro named Brody. He told me about his last iceluge party. Bro out.
Julie: Went to Canada. Bad American.
Charlotte: Found a red mermaid troll nailed to a plastic cross in the woods. Was denied a beer at Mom's divorcee-only BBQ because yesterday her Tarot card reader told her that I was a recovering alcoholic. Waited in my room for troll to come alive and attack.
Ben: Went to the beach for the first time in maybe a decade. Harsh winds ripped our umbrella right out of the sand, but I caught it right away using my lightning quick reflexes, impressing all the ladies like I was Frankie Avalon in Bikini Beach.
Johann: Baked a blueberry pie and made sweet potato fries. Really yummy.
Julia: Rocked the suburbs, just like Michael Jackson did. Too soon?
Hillary: My hands taste like bugspray.
You: Tell us! We represent you in a way that John Adams never could.
Bored with summer already and want someone to take you out? Lacking some indie film enlightenment in your life? Trying to figure out what to do in Philly for the Fourth? Yearning to find out whether or not Larry David can pull off a character other than himself? Pick up your very own copy of the Summer Pennsylvanian and flip to page six (no, not that one) for the panacea to these burning desires. It's your last Street fix (for the next two weeks), so hop to it! Happy Streeting!
Although the weather may not quite agree, we are well into June. And that means that Summer Street is committed to making June '09 your best month EVER (until July, that is). Pick up this week's issue at DP newsstands, or peep the pdf to pack your arts and culture calendar this week. Whether it be ending your summer search for the perfect burger, filling your Saturday with live music in Northern Liberties, or staying on campus for a last peek at student art, don't let the rain stop you from hitting the street for summer awesomeness. Grab those umbrellas; we're taking you out.
As always, Thursday is Street day! Pick up your very own copy of the Summer Pennsylvanian to check out this week's issue, brought to you by the letter F. Farmers' Markets are highlighted in our feature this issue, just in case your advertising internship is leaving you longing for a different kind of market research. Film covers the newly-debuted Dave Eggers flick, though the movie itself may not sweep you away as promised in its title. Guides this week highlights another favorite f-word in its coverage of Tuesday's Erotic Lit Salon. And our funniest section makes its Summer Street debut this week... that's right, kids, Lowbrow is back! Don't forget to check out the print edition for the full Street effect.
Listen up, Kerry Golds, this could be you in four short years: onetime Street editor and '05 alum Grant Ginder can officially update his already-impressive resume to include his new novel, This Is How It Starts, which is out in bookstores this week. Ginder was featured on Daily Intel yesterday, where he plugged his book and sadly made no mention of Penn. Good thing we never forget a Streetie! (We don't, um, actually call ourselves that though.) The book, per Amazon, is "about how far one postcollegiate idealist will go to be an insider in a town that is unyielding in what it will take from a person in exchange for granting him a margin of knowledge and power." Sounds juicy -- we would expect nothing less from one of our own.
School may be out (for most), but Thursday is still the best day ever, thanks to Street! If you're still Penn local, pick up today's issue of the Summer Pennsylvanian for your weekly Street fix on pages 4 and 5. In some exotic locale (Manhattan, abroad, your parent's house)? Hit up the PDF for a guide to summer stylin', a taste of down-home cookin' in Old City, and an overview of your new favorite NoLibs hang. And remember - the issue is on stands all week.
Loyal readers, you've probably noticed that UTB updates have been sporadic since finals, but we'd like to reassure that we're still here, ready and willing to help you procrastinate. On that note, we've got a few housekeeping-type announcements:
We need your tips! With the UTB staff and Penn in general scattered across the world, we're still getting used to keeping tabs on a less-concentrated-but-no-less-ridiculous student body. You can help us with that by sending us your tips, and sending 'em early and often. And while you're at it, add us to your gchat list and freaking IM us already, we're hella bored. Now remember, geniuses, it's underthebutton AT gmail.com.
We need new writers! We're always looking for new blood here at UTB, and some of you may have a lot more free time now that it's summer and you're unemployed/your a capella group practices ended/your girlfriend dumped you. Or maybe your life isn't pathetic and you want to write for us anyway, that would be fine too! We're especially interested in some dispatches from incoming '13s. Hit us up.
We want to know what you're up to. In the vein of our short-lived and generally unsuccessful series on "Abrogs," we want to start up a little feature on people that are doing cool things with their summers. Are you interning for Obama? Have you improbably scored a gig as Bernie Madoff's manservant? Or perhaps you are friends with Obama interns and Madoff manservants. Either way, we need to know about it.
We have new summer editors. Devoted readers of this blog will recognize the bylines of Hillary Reinsberg and Charlotte Borgen, both of whom have been upgraded to Summer Editors. They will be around, joining the gang you know and love: associate eds Lauren Lipsay and Jessica Goldstein, all-knowing editrix Julia Rubin, our regular slate of contributors, and your lowly UTB Editor (that's "emeritus" now, trust), whoever-the-hecksky that is.
For us Streeters, the Sunday edition of the New York Times makes every weekend a bit like Christmas. We devour the Style section, searching for Penn mentions in the wedding announcements and familiar faces in Bill Cunningham's photos. We check to see if a professor of ours has made it into the Book Review or written something for the Arts section. We attempt the Sunday crossword, and we sneak a peak at those newsy sections, too.
So we were thrilled to see that our beloved Philadelphia got the Times treatment this week. In the Travel section's "36 Hours in [insert city here]" feature, Philly gets all sorts of attention. There's mention of the Cézanne exhibit, Silk City, Chifa, and the Magic Gardens. (And we admit, we were also pretty excited to see that Street has covered most of these places this year.) Though we doubt one can fully appreciate all Philadelphia has to offer in just a day and a half, we must say: well done, Grey Lady.
A couple of months ago, Street ran a fabulous feature about Isaiah Zagar, the dude responsible for South Street's Magic Gardens. The piece made mention of In A Dream, Zagar's son Jeremiah's documentary about his father's work and his parent's marriage. After making its rounds on the festival circuit, the film opened in Philly in April. Here is the trailer:
In A Dream is currently playing at the Ritz at the Bourse (4th between Market & Chestnut), so treat yourself to a study break this weekend.
With finals now officially here, everyone's got studying and paper-writing on the brain. As you may have noticed, UTB is continuing to update sporadically, as we will throughout exam period. What does this mean for you? Keep sending in tips! See a crazy study fort in Van Pelt, or have an insane story from a weekend of formal-hopping? Hit us up! While we wait for your tips, Street's editors have taken the liberty of putting together a sick playlist for you all. (We hope it is, at least -- our music editors, fresh off their "Too Cool For Street" paper plate award at this weekend's gala extravaganza, have not deigned to contribute. Guyyyys, you're killing us.) Clicking on each song should allow you to listen -- enjoy!
"Can I Kick It?" - A Tribe Called Quest
Because, yes, I can in fact kick it. --Julia Rubin
"Wake Up" - The Arcade Fire
Not only is it the song in the freaking amazing Where the Wild Things Are trailer, but it's called Wake Up. It's purpose is right there in the title. I have literally been listening to it on repeat for like three days. OK, maybe not literally. Figuratively. --Jess Spiegelman
Did you know shoutouts are due today? Well, they are, so send 'em in. Did you know that there's a big article about said deadline in today's Philadelphia Inquirer? Well, there is. It begins:
At this very moment, hundreds of Penn students are hunched over their computers, furiously composing pithy bits of prose that they hope to get published in the Shoutouts section of 34th Street, the Daily Pennsylvanian student newspaper's weekly magazine. Today at noon is the deadline for the much-anticipated, once-a-semester feature.
Wrong, Inquirer, wrong! At this very moment, hundreds of Penn students are in fact still lying in bed, hungover and recovering from Fling. "Pithy bits of prose" sounds nice, but most submissions are more along the lines of "illiterate Engineer utterances." (Don't worry, we <3 them all.) And a noon deadline? Hah. Everyone knows that deadlines are negotiable -- we'll be accepting shoutouts all day.
The gist of the article seems to be "ooooh, shoutouts are MEAN." Tell me, Inky, have you ever perused City Paper's I Love You, I Hate You, or Craigslist's missed connections? It's a mean, mean, mean, anonymous world out there. In the pantheon of anonymous meanness, shoutouts are a lot funnier (and a lot more harmless!) than a lot of what's out there. But we understand: you've got to connect this to issues of free speech in the digital age and trot out the expert academic source: "This generation has been schooled in the misogyny of bravado. . . . It's become a point of pride that I can talk that way, too. I can be a vicious [expletive]. Young women are jumping on this, thinking it's empowering. It's anything but." How right you are, random lawyer lady -- shoutouts are part of a vicious [expletive], but like, duh, motherfucker, that's the point.
Also, the headline makes no sense. "Penn shoutouts is due." Yes, they is!
To the scandalized adults in the newsroom: you're only young once. With love and squalor, 34th Street.
Shut up. Shut up. You had us at [sign language hello]. Today, 34th Street endeavors to communicate with you beyond our usual prose stylings. In our cover story, read about the American Sign Language program, which is mos def and mos deaf one of Penn's most vital. Insiders' tip: the signs on the cover of the magazine (and at right) spell out STREET! Now you can spell out other words using the letters S, T, R, and E, like REST or STRESS. But hahaha, rest and stress are irrelevant for the next four days, 'cause it's Fling! 'Tis the day before fling, in fact, as our editor's letter expresses in verse. We've also got a comedic faceoff in Ego, an ode to Ashlee "yes, you're that obvious" Simpson (post 7th Heaven, pre Mrs. Wentz), a Fling weekend culinary primer, and ever so much more. So pick up the magazine, goshdarnit!
And don't forget about our writers' meeting tonight, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut. You are allowed -- nay, encouraged -- to show up drunk.
After poring through entries that varied in quality from brilliant to inane for our Fling Wristband Giveaway, we are proud to announce the winners! Your task was to create a fling-themed neologism, and the34th Street staff voted to determine the best definitions.
In first place, winning two wristbands, was Stephanie Costa for this oh-so-true speech descriptor:
flinguistics (n) - random drunk babble as a result of too many hours in the quad
ex: "I…really…oreos, and sumo wrestl….HAHAHA….did you seeeee….I don’t feel…::vomit::"
And in second place, scoring one wristband, was Tali Yahalom for this all-too-common social ill:
maflingerer (n) - that guy who didn't drink but pretends he's hungover the next morning
ex: "Danny says he's too hungover to clean the puke off the toilet, but I know for a fact he barely had anything to drink at our vodka breakfast. What a maflingerer."
Congrats, kids! After the jump, read a few submissions that didn't make the cut. And check back later today for UTB's own contributions to the Fling lexicon!
These entries didn't win any prizes, but they did make us laugh...or cringe, as the case may be. (We'll leave 'em anonymous, to protect both the innocent and totally guilty.)
Flungatos - a state of extreme lethargy and sloth (comparable to a mini-coma) that occurs at some point in the wee hours of Sunday morning as the consequence of three full days of excessive fling drinking, dancing, and debauchery.
Nippoleon (n) - a douchebag from Theos, Oz or Owls who confines himself to the nipple because he believes he's too cool for the rest of the quad (We appreciate the historical allusion, but who actually hangs out in the Nipple? -Ed.)
Flugging - The act of chugging a drink at the gates of the Quad before the security guards make you dispose of it.
Fling-Bling - Garments and accessories worn by members of various organizations during Fling for the purpose of identifying one another despite severe intoxication.
Flive-0 – The Fling Police, unlike Fling Safe who are cuddly, and the R.A.'s who at their worst can write you up and pour out your alcohol. These actual Philadelphia Policemen, in all their sadistic leather whipping glory (or at least that was the best artist rendering that could be obtained from a student during last year’s fling), can and do assert their legal authority over Flingers by arresting a handful of students each Fling.
ex: “Oh, fluck man! That’s not fling safe, it’s the flive-0. Stop feeding weed to the Zates’ llama and run for your life!”
Kim Flung Il – that geeky-but-surprisingly-riotous kid from your hall in the quad who, despite being sanctioned by fling safe, continues to launch illegal parties in his dorm room, insisting that alcohol be bought from each according to his means and distributed to each according to his needs.
Oh happy day, it's finally Thursday! That means Grey's Anatomy is on tonight (and screw you, it's still a good show), but as for something with more universal appeal, ohmygodyayyyyy there's a new issue of Street! Read all about Penn's seedy underbelly of bathtub gin and Great Gatsby parties in this week's feature. And not to get totally anachronistic on you, but you know what else we wish we could go back in time to? The year 1995, so we could blast some No Doubt, blissfully unaware of the B-A-N-A-N-A-S future that would unfold for Gwen Stefani. Sigh. We would also like to reread all of Louis Sachar's oeuvre and adapt it into a screenplay involving sideways arithmetic, which, according to the Film section, is a brilliant idea. We'd wash it down with a Koch's sandwich, and hey, there actually isn't much of a market for brewing moonshine in this day and age -- is Koch's hiring? No? What sort of an objective statement might a superhero put on his or her resume? Thanks to Guides, we feel totally equipped to save humanity. Orrrr we could get hopped up on moonshine and watch Power Rangers clips on YouTube, which Lowbrow seems to endorse.
To get into tonight's speakeasy/writers' meeting, don't forget the secret knock, which may or may not be the security code that gets you into the DP office at 4015 Walnut. Happy hour begins at 6:30, and we'll be leaving the door open for Elijah, so if some new writers sneak in, that's cool too. Also, send us some freaking shoutouts.
Yes, it's true: shoutouts are back. Didn't make your voice heard in last semester's issue? Now's your chance; email us your shoutouts by Sunday, April 19. Hard-core Flingers, take note: our deadline is after the Akon mayhem that's sure to ensue.
Today UTB stands not only for "UnderTheButton (dot com!)" but also "U The Best," because, well, you're the best. And Street's the best. And you know what else is the best? Our annual Best of Penn issue. You voted, and the results are in: Millcreek's the best place to while away your Mondays, Keith Niedermeier's the best when you're hot for teacher, Allegro's is the best spot when it comes to hitting the spot, and if you want to know what else is the best, you'll just have to read the whole list.
Blog bonus: throughout the day, we'll be flashing back to some of our favorite Best Ofs of yesteryear. Along with our regularly scheduled gossipmongering, of course!
Want to spend your evening with the superlative bestowers themselves? You can find us, as ever, at the Street writers' meeting at 6:30, 4015 Walnut St. Newbies are welcome and so are regulars--make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver but both are the best, or so we're told.
Johnny Depp has a tattoo that says "Wino Forever," a relic of his failed relationship with Winona Ryder and the subsequent excruciating pain inflicted by removing an N and an A. We always thought it was unfortunate that Depp couldn't man up and get the O nixed too, because "Win Forever" makes slightly more sense than his current message. You can't count on Winona, you can't even count on wino, so what can you count on, aside from death and taxes? The answer is Street. 34th Street is there for you every week, through thick and thin. Street will never break up with you and render your tattoo obsolete. Street will, however, continue to provide scintillating content every week, like this week's feature on South Street's famous tattoo culture, our food editors' trusted opinion on the new cafe Lovers and Madmen, a guide to Philly's best spots for dancing, a nostalgia-inducing tale of mini-golf, a nursery rhyme about why you shouldn't pull a Juno, and lots more. Show off your tats, piercings, and body mutilations/illustrations at our writers' meeting tonight: 6:30, 4015 Walnut St.
It's time for another ticket giveaway! Street has ten free tickets to an advanced screening of Fast & Furious, this Wednesday night at 7:30 at the Bridge. Each ticket admits two, and comes with F&F condoms, an F&F Frisbee, and an F&F poster! Swag just doesn't get better than that.
To win, all you have to do is email email@example.com with suggestions of how to use all three of those items at once. The ten most creative ideas win, and the contest closes Tuesday night at midnight.
It's been a long two weeks without Street in our lives, but thank goodness, now it's back, and we're so happy we can hardly stand it. The cover story delves into those crazy mosaics that dot South Street, along with the man who created them. Ego introduces us to Bob Goldman, a cyclist who has "an entire dresser filled with nothing but spandex in just about every color." Music comes down with a case of O(TB)CD, condition brought on by Off The Beat obsession. Food & Drink reviews Local 44, which results in 34 on 44, both of which are numbers we approve of. Finally, Lowbrow offers an answer to your burning question: Which Penn Alum Are You...In Bed? Yes, all that and so much more can be found in today's issue. So pick it up! And stop by our writers' meeting at 6:30 tonight, 4015 Walnut Street.
In the grand tradition of using clumsy reverse psychology to trick you into doing stuff, we present our annual Best of Penn survey. Do not take it. Do not spread it around like wildfire. And definitely do not tell your friends about it. Don't even think about it.
If you're feeling contrary, though, you can find the survey here. The results will be published in 34th Street's annual Best of Penn issue this April. No braggadocio, but there's only one publication that bestows awards to Penn's very best each year, and it ain't Punchbowl. Have your say. Vote.
Welcome back, hungover masses. Wondering how your favorite bloggers spent spring break? Read on!
California' famous in n out burger + mama Kotharis home cookin' = a slightly chubbier version of your food & drink editor.
Went to Acapulco, and came back with a new obsession: saying "'09" after every sentence. I know it's annoying and egregious, but I can't help it '09.
worked on my thesis and ate dinner at 5:30 p.m. with grandparents. Listened to the following conversation at dinner:
Milton: Do you play tennis?
Milton: DO YOU PLAY TENNIS?
Harvey: Not since 1984.
Milton: Do you play shuffleboard?
Harvey: I dabble.
I stayed on campus to start a new job on Monday. A job from which I was then laid off, due to a funding cut, on Tuesday. So on Wednesday I got a new pair of Nike SB Dunk Lows, and on Thursday I gave a shirtless homeless man two dollars for saying, "You are one classy lady. I love them kicks."
Addendum: On Friday I stepped on a mouse trap
I found a cheap copy of Destiny's Child's "The Writing's on the Wall" at a used cd store and played it in my car all week. In other words: GREAT BREAK.
so we went to this trashy, cliche spring break bar
i had never seen anything like it before
there was an inflatable kiddie pool
and a mechanical bull
bikini contests, body shots
(i didn’t participate)
but i was standing when a fight broke out right next to me
and before i knew it
the guy next to me was hit
and he flew backwards
took me with him
i landed in a chair, miraculously, with this guy kind of on top of me
i got punched in the side
the chair turned over and i was about to get crushed on the floor until derek managed to grab my arm and yank me out of the way
but it was RIDIC
i was in the middle of a bar fight!
a real bar fight!
-Kerry Golds, via gchat
Watched season 6 of 90210. Realized I had seasons 8-10, but not season 7. Felt defeated. Sulked. Rediscovered love of crappy Canadian teen dramas. Still yearned for more Brandon Walsh.
Stargazed at an observatory and paintballed.
I spent spring break lounging around parks and coffee shops in three different cities, living the life of a hipster.
A week in LA! Sun, sand, and yet another city seen from the inside of coffee shops, frantically cramming for two midterms. All about the shots! (uh, of espresso), the beats! (soft rock), and the head banging! (mostly against tables). Thanks, chem department. (... Why am I premed again?)
Slept in a church basement in our nation's capital, learned about urban poverty, talked shit about the Christian kids we were sharing the basement with, carried around a loaf of bread and PB&J supplies in order to whip up food for panhandlers we passed, sought out places to nap in public, killed a Vermonster, played A LOT of Mafia.
-Unnamed Street staffer
I went with my friends to Miami. One particular night we went to the beach, and as we were walking we saw a group of drunk high schoolers. One girl kept shouting "let's play red rooover!" This was strange enough. When we're walking back to the car, though, we notice two lines of people; in one line the kids are holding hands. The entire group of 15 was ACTUALLY playing Red Rover.
I was busy dodging kidnappers and having daily "guac-o-clocks" on the beaches of Acapulco.
Due to my mother's fear that I would be kidnapped and/or beheaded in Mexico, I switched my plans last-minute and organized a trip to Puerto Rico in approximately 25 minutes. Stressful, yes. Annoying, yes. But Puerto Rico still has sun, booze, and boys, so my friends and I managed to act like Spring Breakers after all.
While everyone else headed off to Cabo and Cancun, I flew down to sunny Sarasota, Florida, and partied with the geezers. Sure, there may not have been afternoon body shots or raging parties, but do they have early bird specials in Mexico?
I was Hannah Montana for a week and got the best of both worlds: the beauty of glorious Florida weather and the dreary, still-cold climate of home in New York. When word got out that I had spent a few days in Florida, my parents' friends used their oh-so-clever interrogation tactics to try to get me to admit that I had done Spring Break MTV-style: topless, unprotected (sunblock or condoms? You decide), and completely trashed. I got satisfaction in answering honestly, "I went to Disneyworld." Then I showed them my temporary tattoo of Baby Goofy.
The Art Club's squirrel installation kicked off today, as evidenced by the big plaster squirrel chillin' on College Green. The critter is surrounded by paint and paintbrushes, so anyone can leave their mark.
The squirrel that's out today is a "test squirrel," a preview of the sponsored squirrels that will display in coming weeks. Squirrels were available for campus groups to buy and decorate, and 34th Street tried to purchase one, but complications ensued and we never got our squirrel. So we branded this one. STREET WAZ HERE.
As one of the twentieth century's great intellectuals once said, "Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday!" Yes, Thursday is the day of days, for it is when new issues of 34th Street arrive and your life improves by a factor of 34. The stakes are high with today's issue, because the cover story is about gambling. Put on your poker face and/or your reading glasses and have a look. Also a safe bet? Ego's got roller (derby) rage, Food & Drink reviews Chifa, Guides jet-sets to Gay Paree, and Lowbrow is a hymn to foxy boxing (or maybe just foxy boxes). Plus lots, lots more!
Join us for our writers' meeting tonight, 6:30 at the DP office, 4015 Walnut St. Come early (at 6) to learn about blogging for this very blog. You got to be in it to win it!
This is your UTB Editor speaking. We have reached our cruising altitude of Thursday morning and will be turning off the fasten seatbelt signs shortly. On behalf of 34th Street, our staff would like to welcome you to our new issue, and would encourage you to peruse it at your leisure. Please note that this week marks a historic occasion in Street history, as the word "street" makes an appearance not once, but twice, on our cover! (And see if you can spot all the hidden squirrels too.)
The DP and the Daily Princetonian have a tradition of exchanging columns the day of the first Penn-Princeton men's basketball game. This year I wrote one for the DP, but unfortunately the editors at the Prince had forgotten. However, they have now responded with their own column.
I thought in the interest of fun -- and since we at the Daily Pennsylvanian have a legitimate blog on which we can do it, unlike the Daily Princetonian -- I'll respond to selections from their column in the style of former baseball blog, Fire Joe Morgan.
Read along after the jump (as a nod to our esteemed colleagues in New Jersey, all text from their column is in orange).
To the sports editors of The Daily Pennsylvanian:
You're supposed to italicize the names of publications.
The sports editors at The Daily Princetonian sincerely apologize.
Again, it should read "The Daily Princetonian."
It is customary for our papers to exchange columns on the eve of the first Penn-Princeton basketball game of the season, and Tuesday we were unable to keep that tradition alive. Please accept our deepest regrets.
But when we politely said we did not have room in Tuesday’s paper for your rants on the one sport that your university still holds dear, we were not lying. Had we told you that your basketball team’s 74-63 loss to Columbia was impressive, we would have been lying.
No, we had a national title for women’s squash and an undefeated season for swimming and diving to cover, and that makes for a busy day for a sports page, doesn’t it?
Hmmm, interesting. The women's team won the Howe Cup -- which is the equivalent of the national championship in women's squash, though squash is not officially sanctioned by the NCAA -- on Sunday. So I don't understand why the Prince had to cover it on Tuesday instead of Monday. We at the DP always cover matches the next day, especially big events.
Similarly, men's swimming finished their season on Friday. So why no coverage in Monday's paper?
In addition, why I can understand not putting in our column, it should be noted that The Prince failed to even write a preview of the Penn-Princeton game. I guess their policy is to not cover events in a timely manner. (Disclaimer: I did not read Tuesday's print edition, just looked at the website. So if they failed to upload a story, but did print one, then I'm wrong).
We would not expect you to empathize of course — your current managerial board has not had to deal with such an issue — but if you are curious, just ask the Pennsylvanian editors from 1986. They covered Penn’s last NCAA title — in women’s fencing, in case you were curious. They might understand.
Again, for clarification, women's squash is not an NCAA sport, so don't think you won any NCAA titles this past weekend.
You claim we don’t care about tradition, but pick a sport and have our athletic tradition go 12 rounds with yours. We win championships; you throw toast. You disagree?
Penn has 60 first-team All-Ivy selections, 61 EIWA champions, 23 All-Americans and 5 NCAA champions in its 103+ years of existence. It also has the nation's oldest booster club for a collegiate wrestling team.
Princeton is too ashamed of its wrestling tradition to even have a page dedicated to its history or media guide on the athletic department's website. (On the Ivy League's official website I did find out that Penn has won 11 Ivy titles to Princeton's 10, but the Tigers haven't won it since 1985-86.) Also, Princeton last beat Penn in 1991.
(We can call men's basketball a toss up even though Penn dominates the series record.)
Travel up to Princeton the next time your men’s hockey team battles our 12-player coed club team, and we can discuss it in further detail.
This is the Mid Atlantic, not New England, the Upper Midwest or Canada. We don't play hockey.
But instead of trash talking, we are taking the high road. We are apologizing and congratulating you for squeaking out an ugly overtime victory against our Tigers last night.
Thanks, though to be honest after beating you guys for the fifth straight time/8th out of 9/13th out of 15 it is getting a little boring.
After years of Penn playing Roy Horn to Princeton’s Tigers,
Are you implying Penn:Princeton::owner:animal? (Oh and I got an 800 on the SAT verbals if you want to make a joke about my analogies skills.)
If you're talking about when the Tiger mauled Roy, first off shame on you for making fun of a gruesome injury. But secondly, to which years are you referring? Certainly not recent ones (see above). Certainly not in the past (Penn's all-time record against Princeton is 122-97).
it’s nice to finally share the wealth (pun intended).
Read this please. Also see my comment later re: "please stop with the tax evasion" etc...
Princeton went up 11 points early, and then it left the door open wide enough for Ben Franklin and his pet turkey to waddle through.
I could make a back door joke but I won't.
Penn couldn’t hold its nine-point second-half lead,
Just like you couldn't hold your 11-point lead.
but the Quakers did outscore the Tigers in a sloppy overtime period. Congrats. Drink a Highball to this victory, you’ve earned it.
After watching your boring offense we do deserve a drink.
In your column Tuesday, you snidely called Jadwin Gymnasium a “Space Mountain,” an allusion to the aesthetically unpleasing indoor Disney World rollercoaster. We love the analogy. For 40 years, opposing Ivy League teams have been coming to “Space Mountain,” and, more often than not, the results are the same: They enter wide-eyed and excited, spend their time here getting uncomfortably pushed around and stagger home nauseated and defeated.
Except for Penn. Overall Princeton leads the series 55-53 at home, but Penn leads 22-16 since Jadwin opened. (By comparison, Penn's home record overall is 61-23, and 45-12 in the Palestra).
Plus, I loved Space Mountain in Orlando. I definitely didn't feel defeated after I left it. In fact, it was a very easy and enjoyable ride.
Last night was not one of those nights, but it did feature stomach-churning inconsistency and unnerving carelessness from both teams. Your website last night called the game an “overtime thriller.” This begs the question: Did you watch the same game we did?
"Begs the question" Really? Plus, just because a game is sloppily played doesn't mean it isn't exciting.
Also, please stop with the tax-evasion, silver-spoon and trust-fund jabs: They are as played out as they are unoriginal. After all, do you see a safety-school joke anywhere in this column?
Right there? But seriously, I'm all for getting rid of all of these stupid cliched jokes -- thanks for no Oatmeal references. But if you don't want us to use these jokes, then why did you say you wanted to share the wealth as noted above? Come on!
And if Bill Bradley ’65 is fat, as you claim, consider him the fattest man in history who was an NCAA Player of the Year, who was twice named an All-American, who was a presidential candidate, who was a captain for a gold-medal Olympic team, who was a Rhodes Scholar, who was a congressman for 18 years, who was a Truman Award winner, who was an NBA champion, who was the subject of a Pulitzer Prize-winning biography, who was a distinguished Eagle Scout, who was a champion of impoverished children, who was named to basketball’s Hall of Fame. The fattest thing about Bradley is his resume.
Listen, I said "Bill Bradley is fat." I didn't say "Bill Bradley was fat." So his playing days aren't relevant. But come on, you can't look at this photo and not tell me he is fat?
You write that we at Princeton have a lot to be embarrassed about, but we just don’t understand why. Did you mean our constant appearances in Time’s list of “Strongest College Sports Teams?”
My column was about the basketball team, not every Princeton sport. So yes you made that list (although I think you mean Sports Illustrated and not Time). However, Penn's basketball program ranked 34th in ESPN's most prestigious schools since the tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1984-85. Princeton did make the list. At No. 40.
Or the popular basketball offense named after our institution?
BO-RING BO-RING. I'd rather have Glen Miller's nameless offense rather than your precious one that scores less than 49 points multiple times a season (three so far this year).
Or how about the fact that Princeton’s football team has more national championships than any other program in the nation?
Listen, you guys played in the first college football game ever. That's impressive, not going to lie. But just because you beat Rutgers and nobody else in a given year doesn't mean you really can claim to be "national champions." All self-respecting football fans know that legitimate national championships don't start till 1936 when the poll system was introduced. Since then Princeton has a whopping zero national championships.
As for Penn, we also have zero legitimate national championships. But that doesn't mean we don't have a good tradition. In fact, Also, Penn's 1897 team that went 15-0, and won the national championship, has the second best record of any college football team ever. Again, that's not really a "legitimate" national championship, but that's still an impressive record. By comparison, Princeton's most wins in a season is 13, though seven of those victories were against schools that no longer have football teams. Also, Penn beat Princeton, 6-4, that year. Finally, even though Princeton started playing football seven years before Penn, we still have more wins, as our 792 wins are 10th all-time. Princeton, at 781, is not in the top 10.
But in conclusion, thanks a lot for writing a column, editors. (Though next time you might want to double check some of your facts.)
Sat alone in my house on the couch eating the granola pieces out of my Smart Start while trying to drown out the moans of my subletter Michael (an engineering student from Drexel) and one of his many "friends" with episodes of Curb. (FML?)
3 chick flicks + 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's + 1 dose of Cipro= the best Valentine's Day EVER.
Below you will find my initial intentions for Valentine's day:
Wake up. Drink a double screw driver. Fall back asleep for another two hours. Wake up. Spend the next hour and a half at Pottruck. (This will prove relevant momentarily.) Read trashy magazines, with the Double Shot of Love marathon in the background. Proceed to consume an entire container of Betty Crocker frosting. Cat nap. Rediscover the beauty of a mini-fridge entirely dedicated to vodka and jello snacks. (Don't judge me, I'm writing a thesis.) Finally rally with a shower and 10 minutes of quality time with Carmen Elektra's strip work out video. Dinner with a gaggle of fabulously dressed, bitter, alcoholic single ladies. Pass the fuck out mid-meal. Get carried home. Wake up in the morning thinking, look on the bright side: I spent an hour and a half at Pottruck.
And here is what actually happened:
Woke up. Got coffee. Joined the superfluous student health line for the meningitis pill. Ergo, no screw drivers, no vodka, no passing the fuck out mid-meal. Without the alcohol to justify this, no Crocker. Plus I can't have antacids. What the fuck. I'm a lactard. Oh, right, and no impulsive making out. And my birth control pill is ineffective for a week. So with a severe case of hypochondria, I practice the chin to the chest exercise repeatedly as I whip out my vibrator after a dairy-less, alcohol-less, dessert-less day. Eff you, meningitis.
My V-Day consisted of a dinner party for my single friends (appropriately themed "All The Single Ladies"). It ended with me scrubbing puke out of my carpet and cleaning up a broken lamp, the detritus of belligerently drunk singles. It was epic.
I watched "I Heart Huckabees." Nothing says "I don't care about Valentine's Day" quite like existentialism.
-Adam Joseph Drici
Drank wine, ate chocolate, made voodoo dolls with my girlfriends. Seriously.
My mom visited and we hit up the Bridge's 4:10 showing of He's Just Not Into You. The theater was packed: Penn, I know your secret shame.
-Another publicity-shy Streetie
All I'm willing to say is that the drinking started at 6:15. And I ended up being the only guy in a group of lonely single women. Bleak.
Off the record: I got stoned and watched Across The Universe. GREAT DECISION.
-A blogger who doesn't want this admission to sully his Google search results
As usual, 34th Street is here to brighten up your Thursday, and this time, it's got jazz hands! Rouge your knees, roll your stockings down and pick up the magazine to read about a local jam session's last gasps. But wait, there's more! Blues may be depressing (or at least bluesy), but on the whole, Street advocates love: loving your ladyparts, like our Ego(s) of the Week do, loving Ben & Jerry when your boyf is non-existent, loving the memory of yourself listening to emo unironically, and loving legos, because K'NEX just weren't as versatile. Be our valentine? Come to tonight's lonely hearts club/writers' meeting, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut St. Writers new and old are welcome. See you there. (Jazz hands!)
The DPreports that senior Alexander Jacobs has snagged a Gates Scholarship. ("Snag" might not be the best verb choice for something so scholarly, but um, that's why we didn't win one.) At Cambridge, Alex will pursue an MPhil in History, Philosophy & Sociology of Science, Technology & Medicine. More importantly, as the article mentions, Alex is a onetime Street staffer--he used to edit the music and features sections, and we believe he still lives with at least one current staffer. He's also really tall and some people call him A.J. and his Street articles are available here. Congratulations, Alex, you are officially the most successful former Street editor ever.
Everyone has been in this situation: you're watching a movie with friends, when a character says something you don't understand, but which sounds really deep. So you nod and pretend to be impressed, because you don't want to seem stupid. Well, you're not stupid. You're smart. The line just makes no sense.
Enter Street. We're compiling the top ten movie quotes we don't understand, and we want you, the readers, to help. Leave your suggestions in the comments below, or send them to firstname.lastname@example.org before Tuesday night at midnight. Then, this Thursday, the ten most ridiculous lines will appear in the Film section of Street. The person who suggests the most nonsensical quote of all will win 2 free passes to an advanced screening of an upcoming movie.
It's back! We missed it more than Lost, more than our friends who were abroad, more than non-freezing temperatures: 34th Street! In today's issue, we're spirited away to the Class of 1923 Arena, where Penn has...a hockey team? Say what? It's true, we have a hockey team! And Emilio Estevez is their coach! And a young Joshua Jackson is team captain! Someone should really write a movie about this rag-tag group of kids...
Elsewhere in the issue, we've got a recipe for Chili (because it's effing chilly), a handy dandy laundry guide, a round-up of music to look out for in '09, and a helluva lot more! Get your issue! Get it now! It will keep you warm--newsprint makes wonderful insulation. And come to our writers' meeting tonight, 6:30 at 4015 Walnut.
Change! It's everywhere. In addition to new classes, a new president and a newly atrocious stock portfolio, you now have two new UTB editors. Say a big hello to Jessica Goldstein and Lauren Lipsay, the associate editors that will be helping your faithful UTB editor steer this here ship. Jess and Lauren are both sophomore Street veterans--Jess used to be a Guides editor, and Lauren was an Ego editor. Trust us, they're fabulous, and we can't wait for them to start blogging up a storm.
Some more housekeeping notes: We want you to comment more! We want you to send us tips! We want you to write for us! (More details on that to come.) Now rest up, Penn--it's (sigh) a school night.
We are saddened to report that today's issue of Street (the joke issue!) is the last one of the semester. But luckily it's a good one! Contrary to what some people with poor reading comprehension skills think, Street is not a joke every week — it is funny, yes, but our interviews, reviews, and features are all REAL. Except for this week. Ahem. So now that we've gotten that out of the way, feast your eyes on Street U., our state school alter ego.
Tonight's "writers' meeting" will be held at Smoke's — meet at the Street office (4015 Walnut) at 6:30 and we'll head there together. And don't worry, we'll still be blogging off and on through finals.
Thanksgiving break is almost here, and all we want to do right now is eat candy and watch Love Actually. But while we're feeling sentimental, we might as well tell you what (or, more accurately, who) we're thankful for this year.
Kerry, Julia, and Sarah Beth: Because you make it happen.
Hillary: Because all the "Overheard at Penn" quotes ARE REAL.
Lauren: Because you spearheaded our doomed guerilla marketing scheme.
Raya: Because you're a British person who wears scarves.
Eliza and Kristen: Because at the office your taste buds settle for DP pizza and FroGro birthday cakes.
Johann and Grace: Because the hipster music editor is our favorite meme of all.
Inna and Laura: Because Jebediah Street founded our great magazine.
Julie and Jessica S.: Because you're the closest thing Street has to a vaudeville comedy act.
Jessica G.: Because we're all in this together.
Ben: Because he's got it like that.
Danyal: Because he wins Street's "Spicy Curry Award."
Jen and Pam: Because we secretly take pride in being Jackefman'ed.
Julie and Frances: Because this blog's typos are not lucky enough to be fixed by you.
Sarah and David: Because without you, we'd have to rely solely on WikiCommons images.
We must now return to spazzing out about the end of the semester--posts may be sporadic over the next few days.
Well, we've made it, kiddies: the shoutouts issue! We suggest picking up a copy before class, lest you want to feel completely left out of the fun. But, pssst, did you know the issue contains more than shoutouts, much more? Check it out:
Attention all aesthetically-minded 34th Street readers: have you checked out our exquisitely redesigned new website? In our humble opinion, it's basically the Mona Lisa of independent college magazine websites. We are so greatful to the DP web elves (they're like the house elves in Harry Potter, except they know HTML) for working so hard on it! In fact, we at UTB are starting to get a little jealous that 34st.com is so much prettier than us. It's Marcia and we're sad, plain Jan, the middle child with a "great personality." 34st.com34st.com34st.com!
Ah, Shoutouts, it's been too long! For the uninitiated, Shoutouts are sort of a Street trademark, one of the things we are best known for around campus: they're basically a collection of anonymous, reader-submitted expressions of love/vitriol/both that we publish once a semester, and the meaner, the better. Sometimes people worry that 34th Street has lost its edge, that we're just not as gloriously bitchy as we once were. Each semester, Shoutouts reaffirm our place as the most cynical people around.
Last week the Lowbrow editors dedicated their apocalypse corner to teaching you how to write a shoutout, so we would like to take this opportunity to share some of our favorite shoutouts from over the years. Taste in shoutouts vary--our managing editor has a preference for a certain one involving two types of blow, whereas we tend to like the ones that are about people we know or the ones that almost lead to litigation. Some shoutouts are like wine in that they get better with age. What we're trying to say is that shoutouts are an art, and that Street is the museum presenting them. Or something. Anyway, some favorites:
To the big-haired Tri-Delt who was called out in the Sweeper and was crying about it on the front porch of Beta: The 34th Street editorial staff was on the next porch. It could not have been more awkward… or more perfect.
Dear Penn boys: I have grown out my hair and no longer look like a lesbian. Anytime you want to get the hint would be greatly appreciated.
To the racially-confused Theta senior who took a pregnancy test in the Huntsman bathroom: Good luck figuring out who the father is.
To the squirrel that lives in my house: Thanks for leaving that apple core on my bed. I apologize now for trying to kill you.
To the mice that live in my house: The squirrel leaves me gifts. What do you have for me?
Greetings from Van Pelt, where we have hunkered down to wait out this dark rainy abyss of a Thursday. The only thing keeping us going is the new issue of Street, which conveniently has Smoke's right on the cover. Let's take a peek inside, shall we?
The centerfold, if you will, is the aforementioned valentine to Smoke[y Joe]'s, which is a much better Pennstitution than the econ screem or whatever, if you ask us. Next up, the Highbrow section brings us a dispatch from Penn's Brown-town, also known as the South Asian community. Consider your cross-cultural analysis requirement fulfilled! Over in the film section, we learn that, in addition to Beyonce, Michael Gold also has a special place in his heart for Newsies. And Lowbrow caps off the issue with a delightful recounting of Amelia Bedelia-Cohen's adventures at Penn. Hooray! And don't forget about our writers' meeting tonight, for magaziners and bloggers alike--6:30 at 4015 Walnut.
Remember the part in Clueless when Cher and Dionne are washing the dye out of Tai's hair and picking out new clothes for her and stuff? The makeover scene! This week, Street is fashion-themed (with nary an Ugg in sight, we'd like to note). Here's what you have to look forward to:
The aforementioned fashion story is front and center, then we have UTB's very own Carlin Adelson in print, bigs ups! And is it just us, or is this week's Ego of Week duo even more attractive than usual? (Does that make us The-hoes?) And look, a super-classy cheese tasting! All that, a bag of chips, and more--it this week's issue! Writers' meeting tonight at 6:30, you know the deal.
Darkness falls across the land, the midnite hour is close at hand, etcetera etcetera...Happy almost Halloween! As we were googling "Vincent Price" just now, we totally realized, and pardon us if this was obvious to everyone already, that "Disturbia" is a modern update of "Thriller"! Just like how "Love Don't Cost a Thing" is an update of "Can't Buy Me Love." (And we're talking about the Nick Cannon/Patrick Dempsey movies, not the songs, FYI). It's really all coming together today! And hey, it's Thursday, that means there's a new issue of Street to read!
Containing a jaunt through our local haunted prison, a hymn to the tide-to-go pen, a guide to gum, and so much more! See you all at our writers' meeting tonight (4015 Walnut, 6:30 p.m., costumes optionional).
Foobooz informs us that Metropolitan Bakery is celebrating its 15th birthday this fall. They're putting together a calendar full of recipes and customer anecdotes to benefit a local charity--how benevolent of them! Because of the DP/Street office's close proximity to Metro, many staffers are regulars there, and this affords us a slightly different perspective on their current charitable endeavor: namely that that Metro employees are some of the most bitter and pretentious people we've ever had the displeasure of interacting with. But still, good luck with the calendar!
Another little-known sidenote regarding the DP/Street/Metro nexus: Last year when Street conducted a sex survey, one respondant took the liberty of writing in that (s)he found a certain Metro employee who was at the time also a DP editor--and this is a direct quote--"bangable." So maybe we just have a Chuck and Blair-style love/hate thing going on with the bakery? Whatever floats your boat... Happy 15th, Metro! In three short years you will be old enough to pretend to be 21 and sneak into MarBar across the street!
Picture it: you're on your way to "Ideas in Mathematics" or some other unbearable class, and you decide to pick up a DP (newspapers? booooo!), but soft, what light through yonder DP breaks? It is Street, back from fall break for your reading pleasure!
Well hello there, vast readership! UTB's cheeks are blushing scarlet today--we just checked out the new issue of Street (in pdf, bitches) and could barely turn a page without seeing an ad for this very blog! But there's other good stuff too! Check it out:
I said almost everything I wanted to say in last week's stories (the news story is here and student reaction is here) on the new seating policy at Penn basketball games. But a late interview brought one more potential problem with the arrangement to my attention: how general-admissions seating makes it much harder to sit with one's friends.
Think about it -- if you want to watch Penn beat Dartmouth on a Saturday night and show up early enough to get good seats, and your friends show up 15 minutes later and are sitting six rows back, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to sit with them, unless you drape a sweatshirt across the seats next to you. And that's hard to do when there are several hundred other screaming, sweaty undergrads clamoring for those same good seats. The only other option is to give up the seats that you arrived early to get, which defeats the whole purpose of general admissions.
The question is how accomodating students will be. I hope that if someone has to get up and use the restroom, or tries to save a seat for a friend who is about to arrive, fans will be understanding and not demand the seat. But you never know.
It's another potential problem in a long list of them, but I still commend the Athletic Department for at least trying something new and not just hoping that students will miraculously start showing up at 6:30.
I caught the first hour or so of practice today, and though Glen Miller refused to do an interview, here is what I saw and can report.
After missing last weekend's road trip because of a concussion suffered in practice last Monday, Tyler Bernardini showed up to practice in street clothes about half an hour late and handed some forms to the trainer. After a brief discussion with the trainer that I was not privy to, Bernardini went into the locker room and changed into his basketball clothes and started to practice with the team.
In the drills I saw him run, he did not appear to be limited in any way. When Penn practiced its offense, he went at 100%, making hard cuts and knocking down shots from the get go. Obviously, given the dangerous nature of concussions, this information does not necessarily mean that he will be cleared to play tomorrow. All I can report is that, from what I saw in my hour at practice, he looked like he might very well be able to play.
While Miller declined an interview with me at practice, he did do an interview with Comcast, in which he said that Bernardini is "day-to-day." Apparently, that is all of the information that the team has.
In other news, Brian Grandieri, who played through a groin injury last weekend, also practiced at full strength. Though he certainly isn't playing his best basketball right now, you really have to admire the grit and determination that he has shown this season. Grandieri has fought through injuries every time he's set foot on a basketball court this year, but he never complains about it and always plays hard. His leadership in games is just as evident as it is in practice, bad knees and bad groin and all.
Finally, a few days ago, I told you about Ibby Jaaber's outstanding play this season in Greece. Well now, he's heading to to the prestigious Euroleague. Jaaber will compete on Lotomatica Roma (that's in Rome, for those of you Italian scholars). Read more about it here.
Check out tomorrow's DP for more coverage on the Penn-Princeton game, and stay tuned for updates on The Buzz.
Look out for the formula in the DP throughout this season as a player ranking method.
The sports gambling Web site Pinnaclesports.com has the Quakers listed as five-point favorites over the Miners.
In addition to true freshman Malik Alvin (Simon Gratz HS), who is profiled in today's issue, the Miners boast three other players from the area. Freshman Maurice Thomas and Stefon Jackson, a sophomore (misleading because he was born the same day as yours truly, a senior) attended Lutheran Christian Academy. Marvin Kilgore attended the same basketball factory and has since spent a year at East Carolina and a year at Panola College in Carthage, Texas.
Penn isn't the only Ivy team opening tonight. Princeton opens at 5:30 p.m. against Loyola-Chicago (-5.5) in the Columbus, Ohio, BCA Invitational. Cornell tips off in its opener at Northwestern (-9.5) at 9:30 p.m. Brown, the only team with games under its belt is off to an 0-2 start with losses to Michigan State and Central Michigan.
Bears coach Craig Robinson's Princeton ties are kicking in already. The ex-Tiger's team has averaged 46 points in the two losses.
OK, I'm clearly way ahead of myself in planning another NCAA Tournament trip already. Penn really did lose to Columbia, after all, and Dartmouth's playing good ball these days. But let's be honest, a pair of wins this weekend and a little help in New Jersey (I'm calling for Harvard to soundly beat Princeton like it should have done earlier) locks up the league.
Joe Lunardi at ESPN has the Quakers currently pitted against No. 3-seed Iowa in Detroit. Of the threes, this Big Ten matchup is the most favorable for Penn. Two of the others, Illinois and Florida, are either too quick and athletic (the Illini) or too big and athletic (the Gators).
Also in the mix is Pitt. I saw the Panthers take on Rutgers a couple weeks ago (when they were undefeated) and wasn't impressed. If RU's Quincy Douby would have gotten any help at all, his team would have won. Penn could hang with this team if it plays a near-perfect game.
That leaves the Hawkeyes, who like everyone else in the Big Ten wins every home game, but can't travel. They are 3-4 in conference road games with losses to (get this) Minnesota and Northwestern. From what I have seen of Iowa, it's not a bad defensive team, but lacks the offensive firepower to put anyone away -- even Penn. But don't get your hopes up. Steve Alford's team won't stay a three for long, especially when the Big Ten tournament rolls around and they have to win games that count.
That's where we stand today. Expect that to change by tomorrow.