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In a moment of triumph over the seemingly endless deluge of end-of-semester midterm exams, group projects, and term papers, Kyra Mills (C '20) managed to make a small dent in her to-do list this morning.
For Halloween this year, Alexa Bowers (C '21) pulled out all the stops on dorm decorations. Now, three full weeks into November, she has yet to deal with the aftermath.
The numbers are in.
Philadelphia, PA — A mere 46 seconds after audibly farting in a quiet lecture, Daniel Crawford (E '19) shifted uncomfortably in his seat, rearranged the items on his desk, and remarked in a booming whisper to the student next to him, "Man, this classroom always smells weird." As the stench of his unsettlingly loud flatulence hung in the air all around him and dispersed into adjacent rows of the lecture hall, Crawford repeatedly coughed and kicked the rubber sole of his shoe against the seat in front of him, hoping desperately to recreate the distinct sound of his fart and persuade his classmates that it was actually his shoe all along. "I don't know what it is," he whispered again to his seatmate, "maybe it's coming from outside? The windows are usually open in here." Tortured by the realization that the odor hadn't dissipated by the end of class, Crawford remarked "Seriously, it's so gross," shaking his head in unconvincing disappointment as he left the noxious greenhouse that the auditorium had become. Sources at the scene confirmed Crawford's allegation that "it's like this every week," but pointed to Crawford himself and his food truck burrito lunch as the probable cause of the issue. Crawford could not be reached for comment, as he had sprinted directly to the bathroom upon exiting the class.
Jamie Harper (W '20) may seem like any other college sophomore, but he has a natural gift—a "Natty" gift, if you will. He can spot the cases of Natural Light beer in any grocery store he enters. Blindfolded, spun around three times, and walking on his hands, Harper can and will find the crown jewel of the beverage aisle. But sadly, his sensing abilities can only extend so far.
After breezing through the entire syllabus by the first week of October, tenured Professor Leslie Coleman has taken to showing a succession of documentary films for the remainder of her course.
It's happened to us all: you're sitting in class, simply trying to enrich your mind and prepare for your upcoming exams, when a classmate engages you in stimulating, thoughtful conversation. This fucking blows. You've got the social capacity to chat about the weather, the syllabus, or maybe even the meme page. But stuff like thoughts, feelings, opinions, and desires? That's more than you signed up for.
Halloweekend is just around the corner, and if you want to get into any party worth going to, you're going to need a costume. But any old ensemble won't do; you have to show a little skin to turn heads! Here are 7 sexy Halloween costumes that'll have your man googling "signs and symptoms of pneumonia" before you can even shout "trick or treat!"
So, you missed the On-Campus Recruiting boat. "It's no big deal," you surely told yourself, "I'll just find a job the old-fashioned way." But then, your OCR friends started getting job offers. And taking them. Now, their summer plans are taken care of; meanwhile, you're losing sleep contemplating what you'll say to Aunt Lisa when she asks you about your career prospects over Thanksgiving turducken. Great.
Once again, a Penn student has broken the mold in scientific research. This time, not as the scientist—but as the subject.
Lounging on his unkempt twin XL bed in Riepe College House, Bryan Mehrmann (E '21) paused for a moment when asked what kind of music he listens to. A casual observer might guess, based on the posters hung above his bed and desk, that Mehrmann is a fan of Pink Floyd, Chance the Rapper, and the Beatles. But according to the freshman himself, his taste encompasses much more than any straight answer can convey.
When James Gunther (C '20) stood up to give his mandatory presentation on Kafka's classic novella The Metamorphosis for his comparative literature class on Wednesday morning, he had no idea it would alter the lives of everyone in his audience.
Big Brown Eyes
This girl knows how to blow a bubble, and wasn't afraid to show it to the world. It's a little small, but still totally impressive!
Jack Stokes (W '19) was pleased when he heard that Pret A Manger, a popular chain of sandwich shops, would be replacing Huntsman Hall's Bridge Cafe this fall. Being from Manhattan, where the chain has more than a dozen locations, Jack was familiar with the fast-casual locale. And because he had taken 2 full semesters of French (he claims to have taken another semester, but admits he withdrew halfway through the course), he knew how to pronounce "Pret A Manger" like a true Parisian. But once he got to campus, his excitement faded to disappointment—not in the food, but in the students.
More than seven weeks before Penn's annual Family Weekend is slated to commence, parents of students are already beginning to make excuses as to why they won't be able to make the trip to Philadelphia.
Heading off to college as a freshman is unlike any other time in your life. It’s a crazy mix of feelings: anticipation, fear, confusion, courage, sadness, and ecstasy. You’re on your own for the first time ever, and the independence is totally liberating. But that won’t stop you from sending some emergency texts to mom when the going gets tough. Whether you’re a freshman ready to hit “send” or a wise old senior looking back on that very first week of class oh so long ago, you’ll no doubt recognize these texts you may have sent (or are currently sending) to the lady who birthed you.
Classes may be finished for the academic year, but startup culture at Wharton has no intentions of slowing down. Today, the Wharton School held its annual Startup Challenge Showcase, where the semifinalists across all the Penn schools presented some of the greatest ideas in entrepreneurship right now. What followed was an afternoon of brilliant young minds coming together to pitch innovative startups, hear from impressive panelists, humblebrag about the experience of attaining so much success at such a young age, and of course, network with the best of them. Here are some of the most ingenious startup ideas that made it to the showcase:
Spring Fling is practically synonymous with marathon substance abuse and reckless behavior. Most students take the artificially-prolonged weekend as an opportunity to abandon all responsibility, but a brave few volunteer their time and sobriety to clean up the mess. While everyone else was busy designing fling tanks and cultivating enough mass to fill them out, Penn's Medical Emergency Response Team, better known as MERT, spent the past several weeks devising a new triage protocol designed specifically to address the medical disaster that is Fling.
Some students struggle to sit through a 90-minute lecture. But what if the class went on for seventy years straight?