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Many people looking to channel their creative energies at a University whose culture embodies a soul-crushingly pre-professional track choose to do so by taking part in Fine Arts classes. With coursework in a broad array of subjects from sculpture to smoking cigarettes for credit, most Penn kids are sure to find their muse.
With break squarely in the rearview mirror and students everywhere beginning to cobble together plans to visit warm beaches and exotic locations for Spring Break, one freshman must first grapple with technology in a situation reminiscent of a rejected Black Mirror episode.
It's January 1st, you're outwardly excited for the New Year and thrilled to set out some fresh goals to prove to everyone else that you're a person who's constantly evolving. Unfortunately, no one's buying the illusion of growth that you're putting forward. If you've got any of these New Year's Resolutions, I sincerely apologize for blowing up your spot.
With finals season now in full gear and Philly’s population of pettable dogs in radically short supply (probably), the University is being forced to get creative with events that will assuage students’ stress in this trying time. Reading Days, the two day period where Penn students are finally allowed to read the books posted on their course syllabi after a semester-long blackout period, have historically been a time when students are forced to make hard choices with their time commitments. But this semester, University administration is looking to shake things up and smooth out the transition from Reading Days into finals period by giving students the chance to catch a breather.
When Larry Michaels (C '20) went home for winter break after his first semester at Penn, he desperately needed to decompress. After an overwhelming semester with more lows than highs, Larry yearned for some of the simple pleasures in life. He knew that he needed to ground himself by spending some quality time with his family.
With the school year rapidly dwindling away, Penn students everywhere are doing everything in their power to survive the overwhelming whirlwind that is finals season. While some spent their Thanksgiving holiday holed up in their childhood rooms, cramming for impending exams, and frantically calculating the lowest scores that they could get while still securing an A, one fearless sophomore is playing the long game.
In the face of turbulent healthcare laws, universities across America are making tough choices when it comes to birth control coverage. Faced with an ever tightening budget, Student Health Services must be more creative to ensure that Penn students can practice safe sex. Luckily, advances in modern science and text formatting are making it easier than ever to help students avoid having to make hard decisions. Never again will a specious allergy allow someone to weasel their way out of safe sexual practices.
With students everywhere anxiously waiting for the results of their advanced registration signups, the School of Engineering & Applied Sciences is looking to spice things up with a creative new class offering.
In the midst of celebrating its victory lap across America as cities like Philadelphia grovel for the honor of replacing entire neighborhoods with warehouses full of toilet paper, it looks like the world’s biggest e-Commerce site is taking at least one L this Halloween season.
Penn’s pre-professional culture has driven students to some fairly extreme lengths when trying to get a leg up in the hunt for jobs, but this OCR season, one Penn senior is ready to go above and beyond the call of duty in his search for a full time position.
With Halloweekend just a few weeks away, Penn students are scrambling to bring together unremarkable “zombie,” “sexy librarian,” and “college student” costumes. But this time around, one Wharton junior is thinking outside the box. After seeing some of the other business ventures his fellow Whartonites were pursuing, Marcus Samuelson (W’19) identified yet another opportunity for arbitrage.
Recently, students have been highly critical of the University’s decisions on all sorts of policies governing student life. Continuing on this trend of ineptitude, it looks like the administration still can’t catch a break this week. Sadly, Penn Facilities & Real Estate Services has hiked up Amy Gutmann’s rent so much that she can’t afford to live on campus anymore. It looks like it’s a bad day to be President of the University of Pennsylvania!
In the diverse and highly competitive world of Penn food trucks, it’s becoming harder and harder to differentiate from the pack. But one wayward but intrepid businessman is looking to break the mold and revolutionize dining in University City. Just a week after leaving its old location on Walnut Street, the former Capogiro is making its triumphant, completely reimagined return as a Gelato-Halal fusion food cart.
After leaving so many familiar faces back home last month, Nathaniel Simmons (W’ 21) is ready to leave the backwater city of Philadelphia in favor of greener pastures. Like the prodigal son returning home, he’s heading back to New York for break and he’s got to let everyone know about it. At every turn in his first 5 weeks on campus Nat has been sure to mention that he's from the Big Apple.
As many on campus complain about event observers ruining the university experience, the situation has deteriorated. Now, a federal task force has dropped a heavy hammer on the Penn community.
While some attempts to connect with students have been more successful than others, today University officials have announced a totally revamped plan to connect with students who were too impatient to stand still on College Green for 90 seconds and listen to a lecture from a Penn professor.
When Penn Police Officer Bob Johnson received a cheese-related noise complaint at 39th and Spruce on his police scanner on Saturday night, he knew that there was no time for backup. Even though he’d heard stories of Penn’s rampant drug culture, He hadn't expected to run in to such an extreme example of substance abuse occurring right under his nose. With a level of courage that’s usually only reserved for prime time television, Bob raided the Beta house at 12:30 am to put an end to the milk-fueled madness.
Penn’s competitive culture often forces students to oscillate between struggling to maintain Penn face and getting into heated debates over who’s more exhausted. Only two weeks in, one intrepid freshman couldn’t take the suspense of waiting until late September to get into Penn’s infamous midterm season, so he took matters into his own hands.
Penn and The Fresh Grocer have been embroiled in heated litigation since March 31st, during which time questions have been swirling over the status of everyone’s favorite boxed-wine retailer. Now, a shocking revelation has turned the situation on its head.
People often deride Penn’s hookup culture for being toxic and degrading towards women. Nevertheless, one courageous sophomore is looking to break the mold. With more and more millennials eschewing relationships in favor of dating apps like Tinder or sending blind shots in the dark to meet their next fling, Bruce Painter (C’ 20) is embracing his place as a modern day Casanova by taking a Gender Studies class to get with girls. Incredible!