'I Can't Find Love,' Complains Student Who Ghosts Everyone She's Ever Slept With
Valentine's Day makes Sara Conway (C '21) sick.
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Valentine's Day makes Sara Conway (C '21) sick.
Andrea Blumenthal (W '20) hates small talk.
Listen here, friend.
Julia Levitt (W '18) may be a finance major, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about people.
Timothy Higgins, a freshman hoping to study English, is no average kid.
Let's get one thing clear: I'm not like other girls.
"Distribution requirements suck," sighs Lena Brownstein (C' 18). Brownstein, a Comparative Literature major, is currently enrolled in Introduction to Geology (GEOL 100) to fulfill her Physical World requirement.
Nathan Kwan (E '19) is a man of many talents. Engineering Chair of the 2019 Class Board, captain of club squash, an avid cook and a gifted songwriter-- it really seems like Kwan does it all.
Jake Rogers (C '21) hates PSYC 001.
Ah, fall. While the chillier temperatures and the sight of leaves changing color are certainly welcome, autumn is a bittersweet time for many Quakers. Many might find themselves feeling burnt out after an endless barrage of midterms. Many are dogged by the ruthless, all-consuming job search. Most have found themselves weeping gentle, resigned tears in a Van Pelt bathroom or two. And all have most likely asked themselves, pondering the ever-changing seasons and their helpless entrapment in the cyclical, incessant whirlpool of time: what am I doing here?
Great news for Penn students who felt that tuition just wasn't enough!
Hey, you. I don't know who you are, but I do know one thing: you took my laundry out and set it in a careless, wet heap atop the machine. I didn't even get a chance to move it myself to the dryer, and I set a fucking timer, which means you pulled this bullshit while my clothes were still in the wash. So I've got a few questions for you, punk:
Bernard Watkins was in for quite a surprise when he opened the front door last Saturday. The longtime Philadelphia resident has been yearning for a woman's gentle touch since 1983, when Sharon walked out the door for the last time. Hoping to find some companionship during yet another lonesome night, he dialed "215-898-WALK (9255)," the number listed on a poster on Locust Walk reading "FREE 24/7 PENN WALKING ESCORTS."
2017 was not a good year for Quakers' wallets. For the eighth consecutive year in a row, the University Board of Trustees voted to increase tuition by 3.9%, angering and upsetting many students. Fees for the 2017-2018 academic year now total to $68,610, a sizable increase from last year's $66,000. Julia Rothberg (CAS '18) expressed her disapproval: "Penn is already expensive as is; I just don't understand why new excuses come up every year for such ridiculously steep increases. My family is already struggling to pay off my brother's loans, and he graduated five years ago. Where is this money even going?"
Last Friday night, Huntsman Program in International Studies and Business freshman Jodie Levy seemed to be having the time of her life. Enraptured by the carefully curated mix of Top 40 hits playing at Kappa Pi Sigma's "Beach Don't Kill My Vibe" party, Levy danced all night with her fourteen best friends-- "my girls," she gushed-- that she had met the night before, describing the party as "just, like, really dope vibes."