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Internships Expose Students to Full-Time Employment—‘This Sucks,’ Say Students

(07/09/18 2:17pm)

After successfully securing a finance internship for this summer, Wharton sophomore Barry Graham thought the hard part was over. Unfortunately, he soon learned a summer internship came with certain responsibilities, the most basic of which is actually maintaining a full-time position at the company, which, according to Graham, “totally blows.”










Sophomore Excited to Spend $1200 to Be Drunk and Covered in Sand

(03/01/18 9:30am)

Just when he thought college life couldn’t get any better, Harold Green (W ’20) was enlightened to the opportunity of a lifetime: travel to a foreign country, spend a week getting drunk on cheap alcohol surrounded by equally-drunk college students, and also be covered in sand from head to toe. Only for the low cost of twelve-hundred dollars.







Penn Astronomers Discover Moon is Actually Extremely Close and Just Very Small

(01/15/18 4:39pm)

Researchers from Penn’s department of Physics and Astronomy made another groundbreaking scientific discovery last Tuesday when they concluded that, contrary to centuries of astronomical data, Earth’s moon is actually extremely close and just very small. This new theory flies in the face of long-standing beliefs regarding the size of and our proximity to the natural satellite.


Bold: Freshman Permanently Cut Off Friends, Family in Preparation for Single Final

(12/17/17 2:33am)

In a move some described as “excessive,” College freshman and Political Science major Justin West permanently severed all contact with his friends and family in order to prepare for his first and only final of the year. After the final took place on Friday, West seemed to be happy with his decision.


OP-ED: I Refuse to Support This Destructive and Irresponsible Senate Tax Bill Until It Is Presented to Me in MLA Format

(12/04/17 8:19pm)

In a shocking display of cynicism and disregard for 99% of the American population, the United States Senate passed a tax reform bill before sunrise on Saturday morning which bestows extensive tax cuts upon the rich and massive benefits to corporations, leaving the rest of America in the dust, without even bothering to properly format the document.