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Citing low attendance in years past to mandatory New Student Orientation events, the University announced Monday that all events this year will be held at its hospital’s emergency room. The move is part of an effort to make attending NSO events more convenient for freshmen.
After successfully securing a finance internship for this summer, Wharton sophomore Barry Graham thought the hard part was over. Unfortunately, he soon learned a summer internship came with certain responsibilities, the most basic of which is actually maintaining a full-time position at the company, which, according to Graham, “totally blows.”
With hot sauce dripping down his hands and onto his lap, Engineering sophomore William Morris is beginning to realize that his decision to forgo napkins with his food truck burrito was a big mistake.
Hey, haven’t seen you since graduation, but I hope you don’t mind me sharing this article on your Facebook timeline about the OBAMAS donating $10 MILLION in supplies to ISIS! Have you seen this shit? Some words are in all capital letters so it must be important.
Sending you the link to a sub-1000 view YouTube music video, your one friend with a radio show on the student station is really trying to get you to appreciate an awful song.
Sociology professor Vincent Kramer was having a relatively peaceful day until he received an email from a student regarding advanced registration. The student had addressed the professor as his “advisor,” a term foreign to the faculty member.
Much like many of his peers, Brad Tate (W ’19) cares about social justice. That’s why, at a recent Sixers game, he joined the “Free Meek” chant that broke out late in the third quarter. However, Tate has a secret.
Taking an uncommon stance in the debate over when a developing embryo is considered a living being, the Penn administration officially stated Monday that one is considered alive following a donation to the University of $50 or more.
Furiously scribbling down every point the professor presents, the classmate to your left with the thin, fancy notebook is definitely taking better notes than you.
Cool, your professor just treated the class to a YouTube video that pointlessly repeated the lecture material. But now he has no idea that in five seconds, a new video will play automatically. Watch out!
Just when he thought college life couldn’t get any better, Harold Green (W ’20) was enlightened to the opportunity of a lifetime: travel to a foreign country, spend a week getting drunk on cheap alcohol surrounded by equally-drunk college students, and also be covered in sand from head to toe. Only for the low cost of twelve-hundred dollars.
After waiting anxiously for 30 minutes, checking in periodically to make sure everyone had left, Engineering sophomore Jared Brown finally gathered enough courage to slyly take a slice of pizza left out from the Engineers in Engineering GBM.
In a courageous departure from the cultural norms of a major research institution, History professor and ska-punk enthusiast Jeffrey Adams donned a bright blue graphic T-shirt to class yesterday, solidifying his position as the coolest, chillest, and dopest professor at Penn.
Despite a wide selection of locally-available ingredients, College junior Heather Carrol’s grocery shopping list this week included only the items needed for scrambled eggs. Sources close to Carrol say that this list has not changed in years.
Welcome to my prestigious organization, the Executive Board Club. What sets this club apart is that every member can be on the executive board. Not only can you be on the executive board, but it's mandatory in order to be in the club.
A few days after sorority recruits were celebrating their bids, fraternity members were heard mocking the Panhellenic process while simultaneously competing for the approval of their 18-year-old male rushes.
Researchers from Penn’s department of Physics and Astronomy made another groundbreaking scientific discovery last Tuesday when they concluded that, contrary to centuries of astronomical data, Earth’s moon is actually extremely close and just very small. This new theory flies in the face of long-standing beliefs regarding the size of and our proximity to the natural satellite.
In a move some described as “excessive,” College freshman and Political Science major Justin West permanently severed all contact with his friends and family in order to prepare for his first and only final of the year. After the final took place on Friday, West seemed to be happy with his decision.
In a shocking display of cynicism and disregard for 99% of the American population, the United States Senate passed a tax reform bill before sunrise on Saturday morning which bestows extensive tax cuts upon the rich and massive benefits to corporations, leaving the rest of America in the dust, without even bothering to properly format the document.
The holiday season is upon us, and Penn Information Systems and Computing is getting into the spirit, announcing an incredible Cyber Monday deal that will render course registration software PennInTouch usable. Today and today only, students will be able to use the website for its intended purpose. Sweet!