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Penn Alum Dates Snapchat Boyfriend; Penn Girls Pissed They Didn't Think Of It First

(05/06/14 8:37pm)

Forget what anyone tells you: love is real and for this Penn alum, it's with a Snapchat doodle. Molly Mitchell, C'11, has stunned the world by introducing everyone to her brand new boyfriend, a handsome yellow-colored fellow with blonde hair and blue eyes. He's a total dreamboat—he massages her feet, "loves surprising me 4 no reason!!" and is "lyk literally so tall &thoughtful". The couple looks happy together, although Molly's parents are a little concerned.


Angry Instagram Commenter Doesn't Know Where Penn State Is

(04/20/14 8:35pm)

Geographical expert @atheism_is_love got into a bit of a tiff on the @uofpenn Instagram account last week when it posted this heartwarming photo of a golden sunset. To many, it was simply a beautiful picture, but for this diametrically opposed user, it was the perfect opportunity to warn us to "be an atheist!" and that we should all "be shamed cause sanduskiii". Luckily, the the valiant and diplomatic commenter @elmulligan was there to stepp in and remind everyone that Penn isn't, in fact, Penn State and that Sandusky didn't go here. Ugh, classic mix-up. Happens all the time.


Adorable Old Man Writes About Adorable Penn Quidditch Team Being Adorable

(04/14/14 5:31pm)

The Penn Quidditch team exists, and they played in a Quidditch Cup tournament in Clark Park on the Saturday before Fling. That Sunday, a West Philadelphian named Clark DeLeon, who moved to the neighborhood in 1985, wrote a love letter to the teams and the sport for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Shit is literally beautiful: he describes the Nimbus 2500 as "the Air Jordans of quidditch sweepware." Um, I'm sorry, this man needs an A in my Creative Writing class, stat. Clark, you keep doing what you're doing, you wonderful resident wordsmith. You are the magic.


Qdoba Your Heart Out

(04/10/14 1:41pm)

Fling is upon on us and Qdoba has taken notice! On Friday and Saturday, they'll be open extra late in an attempt to corner the fourth meal market—a market previously untapped before Qdoba's archnemesis Taco Bell lured hungry, drunk 18-to-25-year-old dudes into their driveways with quesadillas. The really interesting part is that Qdoba will be open til 2:30 a.m., when every other bar or food establishment on campus closes by 2 a.m...okay, but it's still unclear whether any Penn student has ever knowingly walked into Qdoba to order food. Although, aren't we forgetting something?


People Who Went To Penn: Laurene Powell Jobs

(03/23/14 12:57am)

So you bought the Steve Jobs biography and haven't gotten around to reading it? Can't help ya with that, but we can tell you that the first Penn reference happens on page xv. In the "Characters" section, Laurene Powell is described as a "savvy and good-humored Penn graduate" who "married Steven Jobs in 1991." (Hah! Suck on that, Susan Patton.)


Spotted: Mario Kart On Locust

(03/06/14 11:14pm)

Yesterday, anonymous frat pledges suited up in their best Mario Kart garb and raced down Locust Walk in what appear to be Fresh Grocer shopping carts. Luigi was nowhere to be seen (sources close to the racers cited a sibling squabble), but apparently Yoshi had a medical problem because he was spotted with really, really long tongue. No word yet on who came in first — but the real winner here is the expert photographer who snapped this shot. Wanna work for us, bb?


Another Penn Web App, But This One Is Pretty OK

(03/04/14 7:00pm)

We don't know who built PennShows, but we kind of like it. It's a super easy-to-use website that aggregates all the performing arts shows that are happening on any given days and lets you search for them.  Just type in the date, and you can find out exactly what acapella/hip-hop dance/hilarious leading ladies/Jewish groups are playing when. The only thing we're not cool with is the website's use of puns, because they're a little too similar to ours. Sleep with one eye open, techies.






Really, Buddy? Hill?

(01/24/14 3:00pm)

HiddenCity, the blog beloved by all URBS majors and city design lovers, recently wrote an ode to Hill College House. The 1100-word love letter waxes poetic on Hill's architectural sexiness and historical changes. Originally, the building was designed as Penn's all-women's dorm — totes not the case anymore, just ask any Penn kid whose parents first locked eyes in their suite. Sure, the building has a "fortress-like aesthetic", but it also has a "light-filled atrium" and a bunch of other stuff we never noticed because, oh yeah, we lived in the Quad freshman year.



Email Sent To Whartonites Confirms Everything We Knew About Wharton

(01/20/14 8:44pm)

Every other year, BusinessWeek ranks the top B-schools in the country. Naturally, the Wharton School likes to appear close to the top of that list -- they're currently the #3 in full-time MBA programs. But a email sent out recently to all Wharton seniors reveals just how much the school wants to win: Just a little passive aggressive, and why shouldn't they be in all matters of image and status? So, what happened? How did this fall on the backburner of every MGMT TA and FNCE concentration and other acronym-holders? Will Wharton remain on top? Does everyone get kicked out of school if they don't? We hope not, but if you want to cover your bases, fill out the survey here before this Wednesday.


(01/15/14 4:58pm)

$5 off Kiwi today only!—Happy first day of classes, babies! Celebrate with your cutest outfit and a cup of froyo from Kiwi. Get $5 off your purchase today when you present this coupon on your phone. Snack on.


The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows (That You Did Over Break)

(01/14/14 3:43pm)

It's not like you've spent all of break listening to old emo songs on mixtapes you found in your room... No way. Break was really long, and embarrassment is like your favorite onesie: you can wear with shame or you can wear with pride. Take the dominant strategy and own up to your embarrassing break actions.


Calling All Big Spoons

(12/12/13 9:42pm)

What can you do with a Penn degree? Write your own YouTube series and star in it (Duh). Penn alum Carlin Adelson has done just that—her show "Cuddling with Carlin: The Big Spoon Search" is about, well, searching for the perfect big spoon. Her preferred mode of auditioning potential applicants is holding them close while on camera and asking them tough questions like "How many piano movers are there in New York City?"



New Study Did NOT Just Try To Cut Me Off

(12/06/13 7:49pm)

Ummm, HELLO? Hiii? I'm driving here? This idiot just tried to cut in front of years and years of gender equality... Great, thanks pal! A new study done by the Perelman School of Medicine has found that men are better drivers than women, and women are pretty bad at reading maps. On the upside, women are better at remembering things and something called "social cognition skills", whatever that means.