Joke Issue: BREAKING: Sr. F Belcore jumps over piece of paper

· April 4, 2012, 12:38 am   ·  Updated April 4, 2012, 11:41 pm

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His coach didn’t believe he could do it. His teammates didn’t believe he could do it. Maybe even Rob Belcore himself didn’t believe he could do it.

But Tuesday evening at the ESPN Sports Science laboratory, Belcore performed what seemed impossible four years ago: he jumped over a piece of paper.

“In my locker if you go in there, I’ve got a Plato quote,” the 6-foot-6 senior shouted between breaths after completing the feat. “I don’t know it off-hand, but it’s ‘I piss excellence, motherf—.’”

At approximately 6:34 p.m., Belcore ran an awkward full-court sprint to the baseline, awkwardly planted his feet and then awkwardly leaped what experts estimated to be .097 millimeters off the ground.

“Belcore jumped upward at a force of three pounds per unit inch,” Sports Science host John Brenkus said. “That’s enough force to power a small fan for a full half-second.”

Coach Jerome Allen, who was dumbfounded by his senior captain’s lack of athleticism throughout the season, could not be reached for comment.

“Next year,” Belcore added in a sudden burst of irrational confidence, “I’m jumping over two pieces.”

For more information, check out this related story.

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