The Kamin Cup: DPOSTM can't handle cheating Weenie squad
November 20, 2006, 5:00 am·
It was a miracle on 33rd Street yesterday for the Weenies of The Daily Pennsylvanian. The non-sports staff defeated a clearly superior DPOSTM squad 14-7 in a highly controversial game at Franklin Field in the 122nd Annual Kamin Cup.
The estimated crowd of three people and two bicycles witnessed the spectacle, as the Weenies' travesty of a team featured only Photo and Street ringers and failed to have a girl on the field at all times, a flagrant violation of Cup rules.
Meanwhile, referee Jeff "Unspectacular" Greenwald abandoned his post shortly after halftime, leaving the officiating duties in the hands of Photo partisan Alex "Knowledge of Football is" Small.
These violations led DPOSTM captain Matt "Shibe Park" Conrad to file a challenge against the legitimacy of the contest. The game will not be counted in the official standings, leaving DPOSTM's overall record at 116-6.
The fact that females Parisa "I have no middle name" Bastani and Krista "Hutz, Hutz," Hike fought in the trenches for DPOSTM made honorary coach Norries Wilson all the more angry.
"That Stephen Morse looks girly, but he ain't no girl," Wilson said. "If you want me to send you the clip, I'll send you the clip."
Meanwhile, S‚bastien "Touched by an" Angel hauled in four interceptions at the hands of such inept quarterbacks as Evan "Golden Girls" Goldin and the random kid in red shorts.
Despite a long touchdown pass from Eric "Erickarlan.com" Karlan to Andrew "Splenda" Sweet to end the half, DPOSTM couldn't rebound. Many of the DPOSTM faithful rightfully suspected foul play.
"Goody Greenwald is a witch!" Josh "The General" Hirsch said of the erstwhile referee.