News  Published 15 hours ago

Psych Student Reminds Class All Is Lost

After Experimental Psych Professor Connolly sent out an encouraging message telling students not to stress about post-Fling exams and outlining super specific credit opportunities, which ended with a reassuring “Summer is finally coming,” a student gently reminded the tight-nit 500 person class to get their priorities (and calendars) in order because “Winter is coming.” Whether Anonymous is just more in touch with the imminent reality of finals than the rest of us, or whether he/she want to bring down the class curve by getting everyone to binge watch the new season of Game of Thrones, Connolly should definitely rally her peasant students because it seems this defiant newcomer is making a bid for her throne.

If the unnamed usurper is successful, we anticipate the grade structure of the class to shift a bit:

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News  Published 18 hours ago

Vanessa Bayer Cast In Film Inspired By Penn Alum's Novel

After a debaucherous weekend of ups and downs, it's important to remind ourselves that becoming Kesha's animals isn't the best way to maximize our potential. Carrie Pilby, a feature film based off of a novel by Penn alum Caren Lissner (C'93), is being filmed in Hollywood this summer. So who better to cast in the film than SNL cast member/proud Bloomer alum Vanessa Bayer (C'04)? We love Quaker collaborations, especially when they don't take place on Wall Street.

Better yet, Lissner describes Carrie Pilby as a novel about "getting out of college and suddenly realizing you still don’t know what you’re going to do with your life." In other words, a Penn alum wrote a book about being a Penn student. So update your LinkedIn and tally up those internship rejection emails – when in doubt, you can always write a novel about your frustrations. 

Features  Published 04/17/15 10:15am

​Fling 2k15: A Comprehensive Guide

Fling is a “Pennstitution,” as the real journalists say. Here’s how to navigate campus once things start going mad.


Early Morn

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News  Published 04/16/15 5:00pm

Get A Free Uber Ride Tomorrow...If You Bring An Idea

Uber. Wharton. Privilege. Venture Capital. High ideas. Middle Class Status Anxiety. Fling Drunk. Tomorrow, all of these will combine into one of the coolest and strangest events we have ever seen. From noon to 4 p.m., if you request from University City, Center City, Old City, N3RD Street, Northern Liberties, or Fishtown, Uber will pick you up FOR FREE and you will have 15 minutes to pitch to Philly VCs and receive feedback on your idea.

What will you pitch at the height of your Fling drunk? Wawa food truck? On-campus Rumor? An app that indicates who is down to consensually DFMO? Something like Uber but all the cars are parade floats so you can turn everyday into Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Airbnb but for renting out the spaces on Kappa Sig's couches? An app that scans your pictures and tells you if your frat composite is racist or not? Wow. We cannot give you all the ideas. But good luck!

Features  Published 04/16/15 4:00pm

Kesha Lyrics That Perfectly Describe Your Phases Of Fling

If there's any artist equipped with the lyrical range to capture Fling's emotional/physical roller coaster, it's Ke$ha. Kesha's okay too. Here, we (with the help of Google images) give you all the Ke$ha lyrics you need to channel your inner $ through the highs and lows of Fling. 

When it's Thursday night and the Fling is young. Sunday is very far away. You're ready.

When you're poor from buying tickets to downtowns but you have ARRIVED.

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News  Published 04/16/15 3:30pm

You Know You Make Me Wanna Shout(out) – Feeling passive-aggressive? Stressed? A little tipsy? All three? Release your Fling emotions by sending a Shoutout to 34th Street – it's basically the same thing as yoga. Easy as finding an intoxicated freshman trying to fight their way into the Quad, writing a Shoutout simply means submitting it here by 4/19. Send one to your TA, the squirrel that just won't leave you alone, maybe even Joey from Wawa. Check out past Shoutouts for inspiration. We recommend holding nothing back. As Kesha once said: Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat, just show me where your dick's Shoutouts at.

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Features  Published 04/16/15 2:24pm

25 Fling Parties That Definitely Won't Get Shut Down

With the beginning of Fling comes the age-old dilemma of choosing which parties to attend. Where’s the best place to see your friends? Where’s the best place to roll? Most importantly, which parties won’t get quickly shut down?

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News  Published 04/16/15 1:24pm

Honeygrow Coming To Penn

Betches, rejoice! Honeygrow is coming to Penn. The fast-casual restaurant known for its salads, stir-fry, and "honey bar" fruit cups will be strategically located right next to Pottruck. 

UTB Predictions:

1. A turf war with Sweetgreen is inevitable. They will wage battle over who can market themselves as being more environmentally-friendly while charging you $11.50 for lettuce. 

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Features  Published 04/16/15 12:24pm

Alternative Ways To Roll At Fling

It’s nearly Fling, which means that a large portion of the Penn population will be talking about how cool and awesome and fun they are for rolling this weekend. Fewer people will actually end up rolling due to a combination of drunkenness and fear, but the ones that do hit up our pal Molly to jam to Kesha/Kygo will probably be sort of annoying about it because this is Penn.

Given that we’re a campus publication, we can’t really advocate in support of drug use on campus (although we can’t say we’re totally against it either), so we’ve come up with a helpful list of ways for you to roll this weekend without taking to a mystery substance that may or may not have been made in a bathtub.

- Roll up squad deep to an event

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News  Published 04/15/15 6:16pm

Philly Bars May Soon Stay Open Until 4AM

Remember how you felt that one time you were sipping on a scrumptious appletini at a nameless downtown bar when minutes later you and your friends were being herded like sheep to exit the premises at 2 a.m.? We feel your pain. And so does Jordan Harris, a state representative who is planning to introduce a bill that will allow Pennsylvania businesses to be able to serve alcohol until 4 a.m. Harris's goal is to "appeal to young professionals and millennials" more because "Philadelphia has lagged behind other major cities as far as nightlife is concerned." Ah yes, the Smokes clientele must be growing a little old – let us liven up the bar scene with more sceney downtown spots. Either way, expect your cocktails to (maybe) be there for you until 4 in the morning.

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