News  Published 10 hours ago

UTB After Dark: 2018 Class Board Elections Bring Saddest Rap Battle of All Time

YIKES. Brace yourselves, Penn, because this is cringe-worthy. Every fall, an absurdly large crop of wide-eyed, over-competitive freshmen make bids for elected positions of "power" for Class Board and Undergraduate Assembly. We're used to the bad puns and corny vids and the consistent lack of swagger among 18-year-old boys who were recently in high school. (Can you say girl power?)

Well, frosh prez candidates Barry Oshiba and Noah Falk have outdone 'em all with a painfully bad rap battle. They're linked below, but warning: you'll prob vomit a little in your mouth and boycott ever voting for either of these candidates, who need to do way, way less.

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News  Published 14 hours ago

Proof That Everything Fun Happens While You're Suffering In Class

To the doubters: We are the #1 party school. If giggly, loveable eastern European girls running around asking guys to kiss them isn't a party, then what is? But there are more important things to consider. Who are these girls? Do they even go to Penn? Did they come all the way from Ukraine just to kiss some Penn dudes? What will JerryLiu think of next? Are you a Mary or a Nastia? So many questions. So much giggling.


 Published 23 hours ago

PennApps Fall 2K14: The Woulds, Shoulds, Coulds, and Winners

Ah PennApps. You either love it, or aren't smart enough to participate. This past weekend's hackathon brought coding-minded folk to our Engineering Quad from all over the world. Why? For the free food obvi. But also for a shot at a $5,000 grand prize, the validation of fellow nerds, and countless other goodies from sponsors like Facebook, Venmo, and GitHub. 

Of course, with any premiere college hackathon, there's gonna be Facebooks and there's gonna be faceplants. So like with  PennApps past, let's take a look at some of these hacks, shall we?

First Place: Fuji

Lets people build and run iPhone apps in a browser, making iOS more widely accessible

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 Published 09/15/14 9:55pm

Shwayze To Be Buzzin' All Over Skimmerfest!

SPEC and Class Board's Fall Fast/Skimmer fusion event is getting an upgrade this year – in the form of rapper Shwayze, who'll be performing at the September 27 event at Penn Park! Cornell just booked Icona Pop, Iron & Wine and Grace Potter, but whatever, we all know SPEC's real chance to impress/disappoint us isn't til next semester. Skimmerfest is free and open to all years. No word on if we're getting hooked up with complimentary Coronas, but we're thrilled to have the artist who soundtracked a steamy Nate Archibald sex scene in the Gossip Girl season 2 premiere.


News  Published 09/15/14 8:23pm

No Strings Attached

Penn statues are known for being quasi-romantic: our blog's namesake, the LOVE statue, and...those absorbent red sticks at 39th and Locust. But things just got elevated to a whole new level: Moments ago, someone who just completed sex ed applied a string to the tampons. LOL. 

This wouldn't be the first time a practical joker has struck the sculpture, erected in 1974, though we still don't know who he/she/it is. Check back for updates. We've made a covenant to capture the perpetrator!


 Published 09/15/14 6:37pm

Add Period Ends Today - T minus 5.5 hours until Add Period ends! Word to the brave: Drop Period doesn't end until October 3, so why not try to hang with the big kids in Quantum Physics or completely disregard your major in MLYM428 for a few weeks? Maybe you'll find your calling. (Ed note: yes, Penn offers Malayalam, who knew!)


 Published 09/15/14 4:31pm

Display On Spruce Stands In Solidarity With Columbia Student

Check out this awesome display on the 3900 block of Spruce outside Pilam. The activism against rape culture comes in response to Columbia senior Emma Sulkowicz, who is carrying her mattress around to all her classes until her rapist is expelled or leaves campus. It's part of a performance art piece for her senior thesis, which has gained considerable media attention. Good for Pilam – and we send our support to Emma.


 Published 09/15/14 2:53pm

Playboy Just Gets Us

Finally, after all the meaningless rankings, Penn has scored the number one slot that validates years of clinging to the idea of the "social ivy." According to the people who know how to throw down, and how to convince women to wear less clothing and more animal ears, Penn has the top party scene in the nation. It's about damn time. 

While students at state schools, or really any school, might be asking some questions, we at Penn know not to submit a re-grade when we've got the A+. So whether it was our "notorious underground frat scene" or the fact that "casual sex is rampant"  that piqued Playboy's interest (we assume it's the latter), we'll celebrate the only way a true Quaker knows how, by doing nothing, because it's Monday. 


 Published 09/15/14 11:11am

What's HapPENNing?

Happy Monday Quakers! Here’s your weekly dose of Penn and Philly events. This week is teeming with events – enough to warrant skipping class/mixers/naps/GBMs of all origin and nature/everything else. Allow us to break it down for you. 

Today: Latin@ Heritage Month Kick Off – 12 pm La Casa Latina (Suite G-12 ARCH building)

Starting today until October 15, La Casa Latina will be hosting parties, lectures, and even a field trip. See the full list of Latin@ Heritage Month events here.

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 Published 09/14/14 11:23am

Race To The UA Fall 2K14: The Punpocalypse

Ah, can you smell it in the air? No, not the densely packed, sleepless CS geeks over at PennApps. We're talking freshman class board election. It's here! And with it comes a swarm of poorly Photoshopped campaign posters, cringeworthy campaign puns, and the perennial chirp of attention-seeking freshmen. So, as we've done in semesters past, lets take a critical look at this fall's campaign harvest, shall we?


Giancarlo Bracero

  • has a cool name +19
  • decent pun +46
  • indecent premise -46
  • failing to give BF a proper lapdance -1,000
  • thinking red-yellow color scheme was a good idea -80

Total: -1,061

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