Features  Published 1 hour ago

What's HapPENNing?

Ah, the Monday before Halloween/Homecoming. The sun is shining, your Amazon Prime packages are on their way with some last minute accessories, and your “P” sweater is itching to be worn. Here are a few events to add to your already packed social calendar for this week.

Pop-Up presents: Koozies and Cake

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News  Published 1 hour ago

Is Shaquille O'Neal Coming To Hillel?

First the Gender Neutral Bathroom Launch Party, and now this?! Hillel is hosting an event today at 6:00 called “Shake Shaq,” which refers to an Instagram caption by Shake Shack CEO Randy Garutti in a photo with the basketball star. Their play on the words "shake" (as in the ceremonial lulav and etrog) and "shack" (as in a house-type structure like a sukkah) implied that there would be Shake Shack available, so in order to avoid confusion, Hillel clarified (in the event description on Facebook) that Shake Shack would not be served.

But this led many Penn students to wonder: did the omission of a disclaimer about Shaquille O’Neal mean that O’Neal would be in attendance? Our extensive research led us to the conclusion that O’Neal is not Jewish, although a video of him saying “Shabbat Shalom” is available on the internet. While UTB came up short on any particular reasons that O’Neal would be visiting Hillel, the organization has gone above and beyond our expectations before.

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News  Published 2 hours ago

UTB Presents: Gourd Week

Good gourd! Do you often find yourself cursing human existence? Ever want to devolve into a legume? Fear not! UTB presents our first ever gourd week.

Gourds are a quiet, sensible species often overlooked my mainstream consumers during many of the months of the year. Gourds are friends, not food! This week, take some time to join us in celebrating the importance of gourds worldwide.

News  Published 22 hours ago

Rodin Is Officially The Worst College House

So let's go back to a seemingly minor decision many upperclassmen were making around six months ago: which high rise to live in this year. Since they all pretty much look identical, does it really matter which one you live in?

The short answer: yes. The long answer: well, let's describe the nightmare that living in Rodin has thus far:

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 Published 10/22/16 10:12pm

Hillary Thanks "The Pennsylvanian" For Endorsement

Hillary Clinton, speaking just now at her rally at Penn Park, shouted out "The Pennsylvanian" for their recent endorsement saying that "I needed to get there as soon as possible to say thank you." Either HRC doesn't know the proper name for The Daily Pennsylvanian or she has picked up some next-level shade (RIP Friday print) from Donald Trump. Either way, we appreciate the attempt at recognition.

News  Published 10/22/16 4:20pm

Clinton and Kaine Are Coming To Penn, But Like...Why?

As many of you may know, everyone's favorite Democratic presidential nominee, Secretary Hillary Clinton, will be holding a rally at Penn Park tonight! Accompanying her is America's "cool" step-dad, who takes you out for ice cream after the big game cause you "tried your best, champ", Governor Tim Kaine. While it's cool as hell that Penn students and Philadelphians (and maybe some people from Jersey) will get to see the, most likely, next president of the United States, we're not quite sure why she chose to come here. . .

Philadelphia is very much "With Her", and has been with every other Democratic nominee since 1936. She's pretty much got this one in the bag when it comes to Philly/Penn. Even The Daily Pennsylvanian, has endorsed her. The Statesman is still holding out, but maybe they endorse her too. 

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 Published 10/22/16 1:29pm

Pro/Con/Pro: Urinals

To follow up on our bathroom coverage, two UTB staffers are here to discuss urinals.

Rebecca Tan and Meredith Mitchell: We both saw a urinal once after accidentally going into a men’s restroom so we’re quite literally experts on the subject. If you disagree, you are sexist.

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 Published 10/21/16 6:31pm

Dreams Come True - Bio Pond Turtles Saved

Another day, another victory for justice. About two weeks ago, in our inaugural mono week, UTB wrote an impassioned appeal to save the biopond turtles. Through our hashtag #StandWithMonoTurtles, we galvanized this community and advocated for the right thing. 

Yesterday, our efforts paid off. In a letter to the DP, Greenhouse and Garden manager Joshua Darfler said that after hearing from "thoughtful and concerned individuals" (that's us), they decided that the biopond turtles would not be euthanized. Instead, they will be gently and patiently escorted to the tri-state area. 

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News  Published 10/20/16 12:14pm

Hillel is Throwing a Launch Party for a Gender-Neutral Bathroom

Want to celebrate tonight but don't know where to go? Well now you do! Hillel is opening their first ever gender-neutral bathroom-- and they're throwing a launch party for it. To be honest, we're not quite sure what a bathroom launch party looks like. There seems to be a "tasting," which might be a little concerning (will there be urinal cakes?), but regardless we expect it to be the #wokest party tonight. Here's to more gender-neutral bathrooms -- and pregaming opportunities-- on campus!

Features  Published 10/19/16 4:42pm

Wanna Avoid Getting MERTED? Don't Go To Gregory

UTB has been alerted of some high-profile information regarding everyone's favorite Medical Emergency Response Team, MERT. While they handle many a drunk student, they tend to handle a ton from Gregory College House in particular. Why is this? Are Gregorians much worse at handling their liquor? Do they have a tendency to drink away their sorrows of not being admitted into New College House?

Probably not.

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