Published 10 hours ago

AEPi Is Officially Back For More

At the beginning of time circa 2012 A.D., Penn’s chapter of Alpha Epsilon Pi got caught up in a bit of a hazing scandal. In lieu of accepting the sanctions OFSA had in store, the then brothers voted to take their brotherhood off-campus as APES, joining the likes of THEOS and OZ.

But now, a mere three years later, AEPi has resurrected with a new group of students and a new mission: take down APES. Just kidding…but we do wonder, will this change anything? Will Penn’s victims of the system have anything to say about their newfound brethren? Will there be a showdown? Or are they just trying to avoid the classic AEPi/APES mix-up?

It’s a controversy for the ages, but in the meantime we welcome the return of these stand up lads, and wish them luck as they enter the Greek community at a fragile time. 

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News  Published 11 hours ago

Kenn Kweder Featured In Strange Matt Bonner Video

Q: What does Jon Huntsman Jr., 2x NBA Champion Matt Bonner, and your fake ID (that like totally passes) have in common? 

A: They all share a loose affiliation with Smokes. In this strange fever-dream of a video, Matt Bonner plays a real life KENN KWEDER song. At 6:16, Kenn Kweder's smash hit "New Hampshire" plays, paying homage to Bonner's Granite State roots. This strange intersection of low-level stars is just another chapter in Kweder's enigmatic story. While you dance along drunkenly to Heroin on Tuesday nights, just remember, this man's music was once featured in a white NBA player's joke instructional video.

Features  Published 14 hours ago

FebClub Week 1: What To Skip, And What Not To Miss

If (1) you're a Senior and (2) your Class Board emails automatically get sent to junk mail (we don't blame you), this one's for you.

FebClub is happening again this year, as is the legend about your name carved into a plaque in Smoke's if you make it to all events. Even though we haven't quite figured out why FEBClub starts in JANUARY this year, we've scouted out this week's best events so you can minimize the time you spend waiting in lines and maximize the time you spend drinking for free.

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News  Published 16 hours ago

A Can Of Beer Can Do Good

Apparently now there's a way you can go for a run, drink beer and save the earth all at the same time! Sly Fox Beer is releasing an ale in honor of our beloved Schuylkill River Trail and some of the proceeds from its sale will go to improving and maintaining our favorite "off-campus" running spot, the SRT. So next time you have to beat yourself up to get out of bed and go for a jog, remember you get to reward yourself with "the perfect post-activity beer." Who knew a freezing run at the crack of dawn had its perks?

News  Published 01/28/15 4:35pm

Philly Does More Than Cheesesteaks ;)

We've done it again! Philadelphia was recently ranked by Kink University as the ninth kinkiest city in all of the United States! William Penn, as we all know, founded this fair city as a haven for those just too kinky for conventional 1682 society, so it's pretty exciting that we're continuing his legacy to this day. Placing in the top 10 of every kink category tested (total kink population, number of kink-aware professionals, and by the type of porn purchases), Philadelphia has truly impressed across the board in terms of kinkiness. 

Though it's hard to say for sure what contribution Penn students have made to what Kink University has reported as the total population of kink-identified Philly residents (which is a shockingly specific 27,411), we can truly be sure that there are some among us with those sorts of proclivities. Perhaps the next step is to organize some sort of campus group for kink-oriented students -- that could probably get SAC funding, right? 

News  Published 01/28/15 3:33pm

ShutterButton: Frosty Visits The Quad

Snowmen, the coolest new fad in winter procrastination, have made their debut in both the upper and lower Quads. Dirty, melting, and somehow still standing, these snowmen are a cruel reminder of the time Penn shattered our snow day dreams by (gasp!) making us go to class on a Tuesday.

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News  Published 01/28/15 1:57pm

Vote: Pick The Next Go-To Spot

All the suspense and construction is finally over! The new 40th and Sansom complex, aka the restaurants that live in Frogro's all consuming shadow, have officially become a part of Penn's food scene. Soon all we'll be hearing is "Which Dunkin Donuts?" and "Is Allegros the place a few blocks from Zestos?" To herald in the new eateries, we would love to hear which one you think will be the next Penn staple.

Best 40th and Sansom Addition
Hai Street Kitchen
Jake's Sanwich Board
Dunkin' Donuts 2.0
Zesto Pizza
make a quiz

News  Published 01/27/15 6:00pm

Uber Competitor Comes to Philly

Another day, another service that will bring us one step closer to making moving our limbs utterly obsolete. 

Lyft, a ride-sharing service that competes with Uber, has announced that it will be coming to Philadelphia this Friday. While we were pretty content with Uber-ing around town, Lyft gets a few points for in their announcement shouting out to the possibly fictional "Renee, a grad student at the University of Pennsylvania" as one of their exemplary friendly drivers.

Additionally, Lyft drivers will adorn their cars with "Glowstaches," aka giant pink pornstaches akin to your grandma's seasonal reindoor car antlers.

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News  Published 01/27/15 3:12pm

Uber To Surge Price Your Wallet To Charity – Maybe that snowstorm we didn't get will come some other time, but who really knows for sure. To avoid the gross mess in the future, Uber to class where luckily prices will be capped at only (!!!) 2.9x the normal rate! All surge pricing proceeds go to Red Cross relief so you'll be giving back while keeping your Goyard tote safe.  

News  Published 01/27/15 11:15am

Fisher Bennett Gets A Little Raunchier

William Shakespeare, James Joyce, Joseph Heller and Maxim Magazine. What do these fine works of literature have in common? They were all present in the illustrious halls of Fisher Bennett yesterday afternoon. Students walking in through the main entrance could learn about how to "snag an invite" to the increasingly popular "Sex Party" and take a gander at the "pretty little thing between the sheets." It seems that sometimes you just have to spice up the front desk with something other than a DP.

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