Features  Published 3 hours ago

How To Make Penn A Spring Break Destination

Stranded on campus for the interminable 9 days that are Spring Break? UTB's got you covered. Here are several ways that you can bring the glamour of a ski/beach destination or the aura of your parent's couch to West Philly. 

  • Skip Aspen, strap on those skis, and conquer the black diamond that is Locust Walk.
  • Hit up the Fruit Cart lady for a taste of tropical oasis. Pour some rum in your smoothie to Spring Break-ify it, or go all out and make a fruit hat
  • Snorkel in the water that flooded your basement when the pipes froze for the 10th time this winter.
  • Call Campus Apartments and ask for room service. Ignore the fact that they are not a hotel and therefore will not bring mac 'n cheese to your door. 
  • Hide from people in FroGro by pretending that they’re people you would avoid at your hometown grocery store.
  • Call your parents and argue with them for no reason to get the feel of a real family vacation.
  • Stand on a steam vent. It's just like a spa treatment!
  • Don't drink the water. Definitely not safe. 
  • If you do drink the water, it must have a cucumber in it. 
  • Get cozy by the fireplace in Starbucks under Commons with an extravagant, trenti (!) hot chocolate. Just like Aspen, but with uglier couches. 
  • Put on hiking boots, go to Pottruck, crank the treadmill to its highest elevation, and watch the Travel Channel. Make sure to pack trail mix!
  • Wear a lei everywhere you go, because why the heck not – no one will see you anyway. 

Happy Spring Break, folks! Don't forget to let us know what you're up to all week long. After all, if you do something crazy on break and it doesn't end up on UTB, did you really do anything at all? 

Features  Published 5 hours ago

Alternatives To Make Your Alternative Spring Break More Alternative

The only reason why anyone goes away for Spring Break is to post the pictures on Facebook and hopefully impress their hot lab partner. Whether you are hitting the slopes in Aspen, or in PV, break is all about being cooler than that loser in your recitation who always glares at you for coming in hungover. But frankly, trips to PV or Istanbul, much like a Canada Goose jacket, are no longer a one-way ticket to sceney stardom. Lucky for you, we have scoured the globe to find you the most alternative spring break spots: 


Home of the now defunct minor league hockey team, the Arizona Sundogs, and also the now defunct indoor football team, the Arizona Adrenaline, Prescott Valley, Arizona is the place to be this Spring Break. Recent major community additions include a $15M regional rehabilitation hospital and a $22M public library, so get ready to turn up in your villa. 

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News  Published 10 hours ago

Professors: They're Just Like Hobbits!

Not quite sure why Anonymous, son of Anonythorn (and BEPP student) used a worse version of Aragorn's speech, but professor Harrington couldn't resist replying. He tries defending professorkind by saying they're just like hobbits...but that's exactly what an evil wizard would want you to believe. Gotta hand it to him though for not pulling a low hanging "shall not pass" joke, but in the end, comparing managerial econ to the light of Eärendil was questionable—good luck fighting a giant spider with your budgeting spreadsheet, kids.

News  Published 03/05/15 4:59pm

Submit Your Spring Break Tips!!! – Whatever sunburned, drunken, incriminating, cringeworthy, nude, illicit things you're doing this break, let UTB know! Submit Snapchats, pics, texts, stories and videos to tips@underthebutton.com and you might just get on the blog ;) Happy break, kiddos. 

News  Published 03/05/15 2:00pm

Recap: Huntsman Protest Didn't Do SHIT

In a twist of events, these brethren decided to spend their Wednesday fighting a losing battle by protesting Wharton’s oppression of the College (and everyone). While we applaud their efforts, we can’t help but laugh…a lot. It’s a known fact that this issue is going nowhere. It’s a tale as old as time! But if you boys want to shake things up, we’d love to see a sit-in or a food fight. Thanks on behalf of the 81%. See you at the VP printers.

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 Published 03/05/15 12:20pm

Penn Students Create Start-Up That Might Actually Be Useful

Penn students have a long history of creating start-ups that no one really cares about. Things that are basically useless. Things that already exist. So when we stumbled across Ivy Movers, we were pleasantly surprised. This start-up of entrepreneurial Wharton grads has been around since 2009 and has already done 1,000 moves. We're just as impressed as the current and former Wharton students they'll provide as references. If you're looking to move locally or to New York, check out their (somewhat janky) website here. 

 Published 03/05/15 8:20am

50 Shades Of PPE

We’re not exactly sure what this means, but who cares! It’s almost spring break and even complicated philosophy can be fun when you include BDSM sex. While it’s safe to assume this TA just wanted to better engage students, it’d be more fun to think of some other options. Perhaps the TA was looking for some in class role-play for a more kinesthetic learning experience. Or maybe the TA was genuinely interested in the multifaceted and complex philosophical nature of Dom-Sub relationships. Regardless, any student should be excited when a TA tries to mix things up. Let us not forget the words of a wise and noble poet, “sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.”

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News  Published 03/04/15 10:28pm

And The SPEC-TRUM Spring Performers Are…

The wait is over! SPEC-TRUM has finally announced the artists for this year’s Spring Concert. On March 28, World Café Live will welcome Rae Sremmurd, OG Maco, and Chynna Rogers to the stage.

You know Rae from No Flex Zone, Up Like Trump, and No Type. OG Maco is the artist behind U Guessed It, and the recently released FUCKEMx3. (We approve.) Chynna is a local rapper, and she’s casually A MODEL. Get a sense of her rap style here and here.

If this lineup is all rap, what does this mean for Fling? Will there be a pop star in our midst? Only time will tell. Get tickets here

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News  Published 03/04/15 1:35pm

We're Getting Yet Another Coffee Shop, Except This One Has A Fancy Name

There are lots of different things we wish to see added to this bustling community: perhaps a food option besides Wawa that's open late on the weekends (the bring back Philly Diner movement begins now), a new gym with little treadmill cubicles so you don't have to make so much awkward eye contact with semi-acquaintances in Pottruck, or maybe even an open napping space where you can nod off and drool to your heart's content between classes free from social stigma. 

Naturally, University City is answering our requests with the one thing we really don't need more of: coffee. It's pretty rare that you would find yourself wandering the 3900 block of Chestnut Street, but you may wanna make the trip because Petrus Ky Cafe is offering complimentary coffee tomorrow. So, in the spirit of midterms and spring break being just around the corner, go ahead and treat/over-caffeinate yourself.

News  Published 03/04/15 11:18am

The Penn Canada Goose Tumblr Has Finally Arrived

Ya, just kidding; you didn't get into your srat/frat/GDI crew by being different. Why be ~unique~ when you can just fly with the rest of the flock and get the same black Canada Goose and some sweet Bean Boots? Just follow the three simples rules of Penn fashion: 1. Your outfit should be monochromatic, 2. Your outfit should not cost less than $1000 dollars, and 3. If you gotta go with a color, it's gotta be salmon. No exceptions. If you play your basic little cards right, then maybe someday you will end up on this blog!

Real talk though: if you can afford a $600 dollar coat, maybe try a little harder? There are so many even warmer coat options (just one example). No one will fault you for taking a risk, and you probably won't end up on a blog highlighting Penn students' inability to think differently. 

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