News  Published 4 hours ago

SNL Welcomes Wharton’s Favorite Alumnus Donald Trump

Coming to you LIVE from New York City, it’s the “Prisoner of Wharton” we love to hate, Donald J. Trump.

Read it and weep, D-Trump is set to host “Saturday Night Live” on November 7, and boy are we excited! And by excited we mean not excited. Like the rest of his campaign trail, this show is bound to be absurd, offensive and hilarious, while at the same time sad, nauseating and disheartening because believe it or not he is the “GOP presidential frontrunner.” Yikes. 

Thankfully musical guest Sia will save the show, hopefully with a little of this? What an ironic dichotomy–an artist who hates fame and a political provocateur who would be nothing without it. On a side note, did you know he has barely donated to Penn? The more you know!

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News  Published 7 hours ago

Spotted: Guy In A Panda Mask Takes Campus By Storm

'Tis the season? It's been a mere few days back from Fall Break, and someone is already breaking out a dusty panda head from the back of his closet. Welcome to October, everyone! While this snapchat sighting certainly isn't the most unbelievable (or desperatething to happen in Philly this week...or even our weirdest sighting...this panda-human hybrid was definitely unusual enough to catch our eye. We can only assume that this human is really a celebrity in disguise or training to be the next American Ninja Warrior. Or this is just a Penn unoriginal. 

Do you typically see people in animal attire around Penn? Snap a photo and send it to us at 

Features  Published 9 hours ago

What's HapPENNing?

Did you accomplish anything over fall break? Did you check out any beautiful Philly sites? If you didn't, and instead spent the past four days sleeping and watching Netflix, here are some events to pretend you have a busy schedule are not just waiting for the inevitable seven Halloween downtowns.

Dr. James Hablin, Senior Atlantic Editor

When? Tuesday, 6:00 p.m.

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Features  Published 12 hours ago

10 Ways To Get Your Roommate To Move Out

Still cuffed to your high school boo? Practice a more European style of hygiene? Afraid of people who aren’t your mother? If so, living in the small, brick prison cell of a Hill dorm with some rando from Bucks County is less than ideal. To subtly take over that extra 10 square feet of space, try out these moves:

  1. Start fermenting a lot of cabbage under your bed
  2. Regularly host Wiccan seances in your closet
  3. Become the BYO spot for Penn for Trump
  4. Breed show guinea pigs in your desk drawer
  5. Blast Baby by Justin Bieber exactly 112 times per day
  6. Buy Jimmy John’s sandwiches in yard lengths, store them under your pillow
  7. Pee on all your belongings to show your dominance
  8. Howl nightly at the moon
  9. Stare intently at your roommate while writing in your journal, when they ask what you are writing, tell them it’s for your secret experiment
  10. Move all your possessions one inch per day until your roommate is slowly forced out the door

Features  Published 10/09/15 3:54pm

What To Do For Fall Break For Every Year At Penn

With a slew of midterms standing between a Quaker and Fall Break, the possibilities for those blissful four days seem limitless.  One could travel the country, party all night, or just sit down and decide what to do with the rest of one's life. When Fall Break finally rolls around though, the possibilities are actually pretty finite. And for each year at Penn, it boils down to a few top things to do with your Fall Break.

Freshman Year

- Go home and eat soup because you have mono. 

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Features  Published 10/08/15 1:06pm

Things You Can Accomplish Over Fall Break

Good afternoon, friends! It is yet again Fall Break. In order to help you get the most out of your extended weekend, here's a list of all the things you can (and probably should!) accomplish over the next four days. 

-You could spend one full day pondering each of the four sides of a rhombus.

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Features  Published 10/08/15 12:48am

Staying In Philly For Fall Break? Here Are 10 Places You Should NOT Check Out

Happy fall break, Penn! If you're staying on campus, you've got four whole days to study for that Monday midterm explore sunny Philadelphia. Looking for things to do in the city? Try this awesome website. But if you're wondering what not to do over fall break, you've come to the right place. Here are 10 little-known spots that should stay that way.

1. The dumpster behind Civic House

One of the lesser known dumpsters on campus, this dumpster is one you shouldn't consider visiting over fall break because it is a dumpster.

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News  Published 10/07/15 1:09pm

SAE And APES Reach New Levels Of Desperation

We've all seen the plethora of frat events on Facebook, notifying us of parties that only slightly follow through on their promised themes. (Does anyone actually wear all-white to a frat house, anyway? That's just asking for trouble.) SAE and APES, however, have taken their advertisement strategies to a whole new level. 

Though one would expect tickets to practically sell themselves to a Halloween downtown – especially when it's at Rumor – these bros have decided to err on the side of caution. It appears they forked over some serious cash to Facebook to promote their event. Although this has just the slightest taste of desperationwho can blame them? This is honestly a really good way to prove that your LinkedIn profile, which lists one of your skills as "Facebook," is accurate. 

So go ahead and buy your ticket – it's not as if Halloween is in a month or anything. 

Features  Published 10/07/15 11:33am

ShutterButton: The Political Science Department Just Wants To Have Fun

Walk into Stiteler Hall and you’re guaranteed to see stressed out freshmen frantically searching for their Econ midterm classroom. In the midst of this chaos, however, the Poli-Sci department has created a sanctuary. We spotted this this Benjamin Franklin statue behind the department offices–clad in Penn apparel and carrying a Frozen lunch bag. With a look like this you can’t help but wonder if Ben has been taking styling tips from the "unbreakableKimmy Schmidt. Next time you find yourself scrambling around Stiteler just take a deep breath and challenge B-Frank to a "Let It Go" sing-off. 

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 Published 10/06/15 10:00pm

Gutmann, Furda, and the Philadelphia Brotherhood of Thieves, Part 2: The Exposition

Last week we introduced the first ever chapter of our brand new serial feature. Needless to say it was a thrillride. Now, here's chapter two: 

So of course I got into the car. Dean Furda slid in behind me. Wow, nice interior! I thought. "Is this calfskin?" I asked as I petted the back of the seat in front of me"

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