The election has claimed yet another victim. College sophomore Luca Alveoli has decided to take up smoking cigarettes in response to the inauguration of the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump.
UTB sat down with Alveoli to discuss this obviously unsafe life choice. He told us that the decision has been a long time coming. "This past year and a half has been absolutely abysmal," he lamented. Alveoli removed a pack of American Spirits from his pocket, lighting one and offering us another. "This country is in a tailspin and we're all going down, I might as well enjoy myself while it lasts," he continued. "Is this all that remains of the American Spirit?" he asked aloud, to no one in particular, while inspecting his cigarette.
He took a drag and instantly looked more relaxed, and also more cool. Alveoli presented us his reasons, saying, "Bowie's gone, we shot Harambe, Green Day released another album, and we just swore in an orange fascist. I deserve this cigarette. I need this."Read the Full Article