Published 07/29/15 2:32pm

NYT Calls Out Hill For Being Worse Than The Quad

As the summer days drift away and we near our return to Penn, it's only appropriate that the Times chime in and add to their cyberbullying SAGA (jk we had this one coming). A mere one scroll down their post, "Dorms You'll Never See on the Campus Tour," reveals this unflattering photo of Hill College House, "gap-toothed brickwork" and all.

TL;DR: Hill's old. It's not pretty. It's not the Quad. Even worse, the article's claim that, "air-conditioning will arrive over the next few years," will probably never happen. With that said...

To the freshmen moving into Hill: Don't worry, love does exist in this hopeless place. But if that doesn't work, make friends in the Quad.

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 Published 07/27/15 10:00am

Trump Runs for President: Wharton Considers Relocating To Under A Rock

Donald Trump, inspirer of cats everywhere, went to Wharton. In the past, this was merely an entertaining fact/skeleton in the closet. It was hidden away in the depths of our history with Ben Franklin's prostitutes and the fact that Penn students used to literally fight to the death over a bowl. It was a fact only trudged out during past threats of a Presidential run and perhaps some unwatched episodes of The Apprentice.

No longer. Over the past few weeks, the Donald has been dropping that he attended the "Wharton School of Finance" in every single speech rant.  Despite the fact that his classmates "have no memory of him whatsoever," it's the burden we must carry. The jig is up.

While Wharton may be losing applicants/dignity as result, one bright side is this Funny or Die vid calling Trump a "Prisoner of Wharton." While fairly accurate, we only wish that they had delved more deeply into the torture technique known as OCR, when prisoners are forced to compete with their fellow brave soldiers for the opportunity to work 1,000 hours per week.

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News  Published 07/22/15 11:57am

Penn Study Will Investigate How Your Angsty Tweets Clog Your Arteries

While students have been away, a lot of crazy stuff has been going down at Penn – including a Penn prof nabbing an NIH grant to study what your tweets say about your heart health.

Researchers are hoping to learn more about the relationship between hostile, hateful, and dramatic tweets and heart disease. So if your doctor starts asking for your Twitter handle instead of taking your blood pressure, you'll probably have dear old Pennsylvania to blame. 

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News  Published 07/18/15 11:00am

Sweetgreen Officially Going Through Puberty

Who knew Sweetgreen was so cool? Our favorite campus staple and fodder for betchy jokes has made it into the big leagues. 

Recently, CNN reported that Sweetgreen is the “next Chipotle,” aka, the greatest honor there is. According to the article, Sweetgreen is ready to expand across the country using new investment. Other fun information is that the restaurant has its own “culinary lifestyle brand” and the décor is often from recycled material. Word on the street is that Amy Gutmann has been slowly chipping away brick from DRL and passing it along to Sweetgreen (you go girl).

While we’re sad that our very own is going to become, like, sooo mainstream, we can’t help but be happy for Sweetgreen’s restaurant bar mitzvah. Good luck out there. We’ll miss you.  

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News  Published 07/16/15 11:49am

UC Dining Days Begin TODAY

Enjoy Restaurant Week but hate paying for cabs? Want to spend $35 (lol) at Tap House? Curious what 48 Street Grille is? Well then UC Dining Days might be for you.

For 10 days (why is this so long??), you have the chance to overpay for a meal in University City! Copa is a UTB fave, but seriously – if you pay $25 for a pre-fixe meal at Copa you better just starting wearing your Canada Goose now because clearly you are fond of overpaying. 

However, UC Dining days has $15 and $25 3-course meals at some of our faves (aka Han D), so while we probably recommend skipping Penne, you can still grab some dope grub.

Features  Published 07/13/15 8:42pm

10 Things That Happen Behind Our Backs At Penn During The Summer

Something tells us that with a 6 billion dollar budget and not many people around, Penn is definitely up to something.  Recent events have us wondering: what else is happening behind our backs over the summer?

Penn affects positive change for the surrounding community without us

They sharpen Irvine's spire

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News  Published 07/13/15 11:16am

Allegro Renovates Just In Time For NSO Shenanigans

In keeping with Penn's endless construction, Allegro is now undergoing renovations, taking advantage of the reduced influx of drunken frat pledges and endless club meetings (will using Allegro as a spot to host a GBM become a thing?) to spruce up the space.

It seems that, while we’ve been distracted with soul time-consuming internships and travels beyond the corner of 40th and Spruce, life at Penn has moved on without us. Who knows what world will be waiting for us come NSO? For all we know Allegro will have turned into a 24 hour yogalates dance studio. Or maybe a cat cafe. Probably not, but apparently nothing can escape the eroding force of Time, not even life-blood supplying pizza establishments.

News  Published 07/06/15 11:10am

Federal Donuts Is Celebrating National Fried Chicken Day -- which is apparently a holiday. Stop by ANY of their locations today (from 11 a.m. until supplies last) for a Port FedNuts Fried Chicken Sandwich for only $7. We're bummed it's not a free food type situation, but hey, this sammy is usually only available at Spruce Street Harbor Park, so we'll take what we can get. 

Features  Published 06/29/15 1:05pm

Alternate Internships You Didn't Know You Wanted

For those of you who know that internships at New York investment firms or Silicon Valley start-ups are for sheep, here are some summer internships that will add just the perfect amount of Mystery and maybe even Edge to your résumé. 

Maybe you didn't know they existed, or maybe you just forgot to apply for them. Regardless, we did some research to help you out, so it's gonna be a good day.

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News  Published 06/25/15 10:00am

Made In America Lineup Looks Eerily Familiar

Look, no hard feelings towards the Beyhive – although we are still bitter that the Queen's move to Philly was naught but a hoax – but this year's Made In America lineup is feeling less than inspired. 

Does Mr. Carter really lack enough star power to get a headliner that is neither his wife nor the same headliner from two years ago? MIA has become Penn's NSO Round Two, but with the news that other featured artists include Death Cab For Cutie and Nick Jonas (lol), we almost prefer an encore toga party. Which is saying a lot because, well, the toga party sucks. 

Let us know YOUR thoughts on the lineup – including who you WISH were performing – in the comments section below!

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