Published 08/24/14 1:58pm

Penn Masala to appear in Pitch Perfect 2!

ACA-BREAKING NEWS: Everyone's favorite campus a capella group is taking its talents to the silver screen! Penn Masala, iconic musical group and White House VIPs, filmed over the summer for Pitch Perfect 2, the sequel to the smash 2012 hit. The director? Star/producer of the first, Penn alumna Elizabeth Banks. Snaps 4 Liz (and Universal Studios) for throwing a bone to her alma mater in what promises to be the musical comedy of 2015.

They're the ONLY real collegiate group featured (and WILL be referred to by name!), but a capella superstars Pentatonix will also be in the flick, along with the original stars. Congrats, Masala, for continuing to inspire us. We can't wait to see you get pitch-slapped by the Barton Bellas – we'll be horizontal running to the cinema!

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 Published 08/23/14 4:14pm

NSO Free Food: Ranked

NSO is here and that means free stuff, like lots of it. Free food, free drinks, and free other bad things are all available. BUT let's be honest, food is the most important. While it may seem like your body is hurtling towards a freshman 50, do not worry. Commons will leave you dreaming of these frantic days full of free food. Luckily for you, we ranked the best to worst free meals so you’ll know what to enjoy and what to avoid.

1) Your Last Dinner: Your mother may be crying but you better enjoy this last dinner at White Dog. As you awkwardly make eye-contact with that girl on your hall whose name you forgot, be thankful you aren't the one spending 35 dollars for this organic chicken. It will still be the best thing you have all semester.

2) Convocation Dessert: TBH this event is literally run by barbarians. Where does all the food go so fast? BUT these little desserts are v fancy, v delicious, and the perfect opportunity to Chase Amy™.

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 Published 08/22/14 7:09pm

Alc Monitors Out In Full Force This NSO -- Several little birdies have informed us Greek presidents were warned of much stricter alcohol monitoring this weekend, you underaged drunkards. Rumor has it they wanted to keep it much more under wraps than April's pre-Fling frenzy, so oops...guess the potential disciplinary action will be less of a plot twist than they'd hoped. Then again, isn't this increased monitoring shocker getting old and nearly expected at this point? Play safe, kiddos.

UPDATE: We're hearing multiple peeps were cuffed last night, which ain't good. The DP has the legalese from the BLCE.

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 Published 08/22/14 2:59pm

What Your College House Says About You: A Comprehensive Guide To Freshman Housing

Today, thousands of members of Penn's most exclusive class ever will move in to their freshman year rooms across campus. We know it can be a stressful time for new students and their parents alike, so we  interviewed two upperclassmen (X and Y) to hear the inside scoop.

UTB: We  hear the #quadorbust line so many times from all the freshman. Is the Quad actually the best place to live?

Y: Generally speaking, yes. People here are friendly because its what they're told they have to do. It's close to Wawa, parties, and the more interesting parts of campus. Living elsewhere is a major pain in the ass. Extra points given for the fine architecture.
UTB: Oooh, that sounds nice. But what about within the Quad – can you give us some insight into the various houses?
X: There is a clear hierarchy of College Houses in the Quad. Ware comes in at #1, seeming to draw both beautiful people and rowdy socialites. Riepe – quaint and sceney – comes in at a solid #2. Fisher, usually the last choice of those living in the Quad, minus the Nipple, is third, but still lightyears ahead of Hill.
UTB: So, let's say I got put in Hill. Is my life over?
Y: Basically. You're going to have to try to make the best of the excruciating heat, poor location, and the smell of burnt meat in this College House. Proximity to the non-Commons Starbucks (and the alleged so-called "sense of community") is the only real positive here.
UTB: What about King's Court English House?
Y: I'm not sure what you're talking about.

X: Federal Donuts.

UTB: Together, can you give us one word to describe each of the freshman houses?
X/Y: Sure.

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 Published 08/20/14 3:36pm

Penn Ranked Most Polite College...Thank You?

In the endless drama of college rankings based upon completely arbitrary metrics, sometimes Penn fares well and sometimes it doesn't. Rarely, though, are we presented with headlines as baffling as this one. Upon discovery that Penn was ranked "most polite" on a list based entirely upon the frequency of "please" and "thank you's" in GrubHub instructions, things started to make a lot more sense.

The methods of this ranking are obviously pretty sketchy, as it doesn't take into account how delivery persons are actually treated by their intoxicated customers – or how embarrassingly close the addresses are to the dining establishments.

But at least we can all claim a little bit of the victory. Unlike our "dangerous" neighborhood or rich alumni, current Quakers can all celebrate the fact that we built this one together, with every passive aggressive "HOLD MAYO PLEASE" and drunken "thank you!!!!" bringing us one step closer to the top.

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 Published 08/20/14 10:50am

5 Things You NEED For Your Dorm

With NSO only two days away, we've compiled a short list of things you DO NOT want to forget for your freshmen year dorm room. Consider it a peace-offering of sorts. UTB is always looking out.

1) A poster to keep things interesting: No freshmen dorm room is complete without at least one poster that inspires a little doubt in you roommate that they made the right decision. It's important to strike the delicate balance between intrigue and fear for personal safety. We recommend this.

2) A souvenir shot glass: Nothing gets the word out that you're ready to party better than a shot glass from your family trip to Niagara. Trust us, word will spread and the invites will flow like the drinks you'll soon be pouring.

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 Published 08/14/14 7:39pm

Late, Great Hollywood Legend Lauren Bacall's Penn Connection

The world mourns two entertainment giants this week. Robin Williams' tragic death on Monday has shaken up many of us who grew up with his genius work, from the comic in "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "Aladdin" to the dramatic in "Dead Poets Society" and "Good Will Hunting."

Then, on Tuesday, iconic movie star (and one of few remnants of Hollywood's Golden Age) Lauren Bacall passed away at age 89 – and Mrs. Humphrey Bogart happens to have a noteworthy connection to our fine university.

The sultry beauty was on the board for the construction of the new Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts in 1968 because her son Stephen Bogart was then a Penn student. (He dropped out, but whatev.) The above photo shows Bacall looking at a model for the Center with Penn president Gaylord Harnwell at a board meeting in New York organized by Penn alum and prolific Broadway producer Hal Prince.

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 Published 08/12/14 5:33pm

Urban's Ramen Bar Home Decor Line

...kind of.

Urban Outfitters, a Philly-based company, just came out with a home decor line called "4040 Locust."

Why is Urban making ramen-flavored home furnishings, you ask?

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 Published 08/07/14 11:00am

The Top Ten Most Unforgivable Penn ’18 Posts

Now that it's officially August, we're starting our NSO countdown, because tbh we're ready to go back and start a new year. And what better way to ring in a new year than to give the new class a "formal" introduction?

Oh dear freshman, we're usually pretty lenient: we'll let you get into our parties even if your ratio is off, we'll let you keep your precious little meal swipes (for now), and we'll let a lot of the shit you do go because we wouldn't expect such plebeians to know the drill.

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 Published 08/05/14 11:45am

Philly Mag Sort Of Apologizes, Gives Penn Prof Award

This very well could be the olive branch in the ongoing Philly Mag vs. Penn saga. Philly Mag, who frequently calls us out on our betchiness, just named Penn professor Dr. Janet Monge “Best Museum Curator”.

Monge is a Penn professor, curator of the physical anthropology section of the Penn Museum, and the director of a nonprofit casting business for skeletal remains. She also digs for fossils on the Kenyan coast and can remember any detail of any skeleton quicker than you can remember your Penn ID number. And even though she thinks that “if you don’t charge the shit out of people, they think you’re not good," she volunteers as a criminal defense expert witness and forensic consultant to police. What can’t this modern minx (or should we say sphinx, just a lil museum humor) do? We wouldn’t be surprised if she could make fetch happen.

We recommend you visit the museum or take one of her classes. If you’re not inherently entertained by gross skulls, you’ll definitely like Monge’s anecdotes, like the time she got scurvy from eating only Snickers for a month.

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