News  Published 37 minutes ago

Fisher Bennett Gets A Little Raunchier

William Shakespeare, James Joyce, Joseph Heller and Maxim Magazine. What do these fine works of literature have in common? They were all present in the illustrious halls of Fisher Bennett yesterday afternoon. Students walking in through the main entrance could learn about how to "snag an invite" to the increasingly popular "Sex Party" and take a gander at the "pretty little thing between the sheets." It seems that sometimes you just have to spice up the front desk with something other than a DP.


News  Published 5 hours ago

No Snow Day Today – It's official, the University is open today. Aka the University is the only institution in the tri-state area that is open today. Ugh, Penn, this is so not ideal.  


News  Published 12 hours ago

This Just In: Penn Kids Would Like a Snow Day

Though the chances of our snow day actually happening tomorrow are sadly plummeting, the thought of a Tuesday designated for drinking and snuggling still lives on in our hearts like an eternal flame. We can't be sure about tomorrow, but the good news for now is that there's finally a designated (and copyrighted?) website to reflect our snow day predictions. Leave it to Penn kids to spend actual time designing this voting mechanism and tastefully plotted graph – complete with adorable snow imagery!

Say what you will about our wintertime cynicism, this graph proves that hope still lives among us. The curve hasn't yet dipped below a 30% chance of a day off! Though this site won't do much to change Her Highness Gutmann's decision, it's nice to feel as though we're all in this long, cold night of procrastination together. Be sure to hit up I Want A Snow Day @ Penn and let your precipitation-related voice be heard! 


Features  Published 16 hours ago

What's HapPENNing?

Welcome to the new and improved What’s HapPENNing! Five can’t-miss events every week, plus a Philly Pick of the Week. 

Stay involved, stay aware, and know what’s going on at Penn!

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News  Published 17 hours ago

LPS Classes Cancelled Tonight – Due to the impending doom of tonight's snow storm, all LPS classes have been cancelled today. There has been no official announcement about whether Tuesday classes are still on or not, but we're crossing our fingers for a snow day – we don't want to get stuck.


News  Published 19 hours ago

PHIL244 Professor Finds Dire Reason For Canceling Class

Even though you knew the drizzling rain outside is threateningly fatal, this professor goes above and beyond to show care for the safety of her students. So when you accidentally step into a grey pile of almost-slush today, remember: you might get stuck!


News  Published 21 hours ago

Now Accepting Applications For A More Exclusive Tinder

Stanford grad Amanda Bradford has come up with a new dating service called The League, a more selective (read: elitist) version of the Tindz that requires people to apply and be approved by an algorithm before they can get it on. This algorithm only judges the really important things, like whether you graduated from a top school, if your interests include sushi and snowboarding, and whether you enjoy overpriced home goods.

Honestly they've really hit the nail on the head here. After all, what do Ivy League millennials love more than online dating, job applications, and complex mathematical algorithms? But it’s okay, Amanda Bradford. We’re guessing you were probably just upset after some Tinder match from Palo Alto University stood you up. Necessity really is the mother of invention.


News  Published 22 hours ago

Ware Resident Lashes Out Against Bathroom Bandits

Apparently ignorance isn't bliss, "bitches." It's all fun and games when Quad freshmen leave their laundry to rot, but when they don't practice proper shower curtain etiquette, shit gets real. Clearly, this angry Ware resident doesn't like writing seminar as much as they "like to take a shower," because these comma splices just aren't very Ivy. 


News  Published 01/26/15 11:09am

New App Is GrubHub For Rich People

Nothing gold can stay, and boy was Robert Frost right. As an Ivy Leaguer, he knew how hard it is to prove one's cultural elitism since it seems like everyone is taking an Uber to Whisper in their Moncler. It's just getting really hard out there to prove you're high society. Luckily, there's a solution.

Caviar is like GrubHub except it's not for commoners. It has real-time GPS tracking and delivers from the best (read: $$$$$) restaurants in town. Want lobster, seared almond-crusted salmon, or even FEDERAL DONUTS? Interested in 1-year aged black footed pig tapas, grilled New York sirloin, or any dish from the Number 2 Best New Restaurant in America? Caviar has you covered. Study in style in Huntsman, and forget all the crushing inequality in the world. Real talk. 

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News  Published 01/24/15 12:59pm

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