Though we probably know the answer to this question, we must ask anyway: Have you ever Googled yourself? While your embarrassing tweets from middle school might show up, Penn (and UTB) alum and comedy writer Kelly Diamond's Google search-induced woe is a bit more hardcore.Read the Full Article
It's that time of the semester: Every group you're involved in, no matter how small and obscure, is probably hosting a formal at Bistro La Baia or one of the various
permanently docked ships event spaces in the Philadelphia area. If you didn't snag an invite to these lesser known parties, however, then you're clearly not in the scene.
Penn's most questionable English professor and fashion maven Kenny Goldsmith let a Slate reporter observe his controversial class all semester. Apparently, in addition to time-wasting, the class also got to do a really fun activity called "Discomfort and Transgression" in which everyone exchanged laptops and searched through each other's internet histories(!). Basically, the class turned into a really odd Wharton behavioral lab, except no ten bucks.
Despite the reporter's uncomfortable experience, she seems to appreciate that Goldsmith is striking down the ideas of traditional academia. And so are we, because traditional academia means finals. Now if you'd excuse us, we're going to go waste some time while we eat our free donuts.
You heard it right — Federal Donuts is offering free donuts to any Penn student with a PennCard between April 28th and May 8th (and will be open 7 a.m. to 9 p.m.). So sink your teeth into a choice of Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Strawberry Lavender, or Vanilla Spice deliciousness as you sulk miserably in a VP group study room. There's a light at the end of the Finals-induced tunnel, and it comes in the form of fried dough and sugar. Thanks, Federal. You the real MVP.
The sun is shining. There are children sliding Down The Button, enjoying their last traces of innocence. You, hunched over with the weight of your backpack, recoil from the sound of laughter and quickly scuttle up the steps of VP. Two papers and three finals are in your future, and you have it like so much harder than everyone else. Settling down in your carrel, you spend five minutes arranging highlighters and your books for an obligatory Snapstory, letting people know You Have Arrived. Then you see it. A scribbled “I was born this way!!!” Three exclamation points. Lady Gaga. Love. It’s all too much. You respond with “I Hate you so much” because you understand the spirit of finals.
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SAY IT AIN'T SO – The NILF (Newscaster I'd Like To Fuck) that IS Anderson Cooper will no longer be gracing Penn's campus tomorrow, due to recent events in Baltimore. This was like, the perfect way to celebrate the last school night of the semester, but alas – reality calls.
In the Rosengarten Study Center in VP stands a cart, filled with the discarded water bottles of forgetful students. Below, is one student's apology to a lost friend, but we like to think it applies to them all:
In the beginning I thought there was no way we could ever be apart. I bursar'd you for more money than I would like to admit because I thought we were going to be together forever. You, with your blue plastic casing and enlarged "P." Me, with my proclivity for drinking large quantities of water to stay awake during three hour seminars. We were perfect, until one day I was working in VP and I probably left you there, on the table that is too close to the bathroom, in my haste to print before class.
I noticed your absence when I got home that night, a lightness in my backpack that made me feel empty. I walked around the next few days, thirsty, until I passed by the DVD check out place and caught a glimpse of blue plastic through the window. There you were, surrounded by others of your kind. I was about to go retrieve you, but I stopped. How could I be sure it was you? Was I willing to allow for the possibility of drinking from the bottle of another? I thought you might be happier there, among friends. Either way, I didn't get you, and I'm sorry. Maybe, I'll sift through the lost and found during Finals. More likely, I will not.
This surely isn't the first episode of "the nutty professor" — from the hip to the scandalous, we've seen it all. Finals haven't started yet, but this week we bring you an Intro to Buddhism professor who just isn't taking your crap.
1:49pm 04/25/2015Read the Full Article
This final exam for Intro to Buddhism:
Way of Discipline:
Memorize the following passage and reproduce it for the examination. You must reproduce it from memory exactly how it is written here. If you make one mistake you will lose all the points eligible for this section. 34 points.
“Uposathakaranato pubbe navavidham pubbakiccam kaatabbam hoti tanthaanasammajjalananca tattha padiipuajjalananca aasanapannapananca paaniiyaparibhojaniiyuupatthapananca chandaarahaanam bhikkhuunam chandaaharananca”
Punch yourself...in the mind...then complete the 9th perfection of the Bodhisattva Path
Features Published 04/27/15 1:15pm
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but this week finals, formals and freakouts is kind of what's happening. Apart from those things, however, there is still some stuff to do around Penn, so here's our weekly list of the best!
Monday at 6 pm in Huntsman G60Read the Full Article