News  Published 08/26/15 11:05am

Free Metro Coffee Or Tea To Celebrate The First Day Of Classes – although caffeine at no cost is all we really feel like celebrating today. Seriously, people are already flyering and it's annoying. Do less. Except for you, Metro – you could get it.  


News  Published 08/25/15 5:58pm

Oh Y'Know, Just Riding Our Bikes On The Roof Of Frogro

Welcome back, Penn! Now that our readership is back up to ≈18 people with everyone back from summer, we thought we'd take the time to inform you that A BAND OF RECKLESS, HEDONISTIC YOUTHS WAS SPOTTED absolutely tearing up the roof of Frogro with their bikes yesterday :'(. 

Check out the raw footage taken by the DP's new DRONE, which stands for Daily Reconnaissance Or Notetaking Engineer and is basically someone the DP pays $12/hr to do laps around each rooftop lounge with their iPhone camera pointed out the window. The safety cones, padding, and instructor in the video tell us that the dangerous biker gang is definitely up to something. Keep an eye out this semester, and send your tips to tips@underthebutton.com.


 Published 08/25/15 2:58pm

Pi Kapp Goes Off-Campus And Rebrands As “Phi"

For those of you who spent NSO living under a rock reading a sad handwritten book, you might have gone to a party hosted by “Phi” and just thought it was your normal, sweaty, run-of-the-mill fraternity. But what you DON’T know, unless you’re like soo in the know, is that this new brotherhood of men is none other than the old Pi Kapp (Pi Kappa Phi), aka the latest in a long line of Panhellenic recognized Greek organizations to join Penn’s off-campus community.

After a tumultuous past two years–first a hazing allegation in 2014, followed by a series of probations/cease and desist, suspensions, and neglect by OFSL–the fraternity unanimously voted to move off campus last spring and was subsequently kicked off campus this summer. Their charter was revoked, and now they will operate under the name “Phi” and do literally the same thing they would’ve done as Pi Kapp. They’ll dirty rush, host parties and be free from the system.

That makes seven off-campus organizations (all of which can be seen here to the right). Only one question remains: who’s next?

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News  Published 08/21/15 4:41pm

honeygrow To Open By End Of August – Sweetgreen's newest competitor, honeygrow, will open at 3731 Walnut by the end of August. Skip Wawa and fulfill your NSO drunchies with overpriced, bougie DIY stir-fry! 


News  Published 08/21/15 11:30am

Frontera May Be Expensive As Hell Now

Looks like chef and restauranteur Rick Bayless is at it again. Last year he stole our hearts and our Penn Cash with his zesty guacamole and those cute little buzzers, and word has it that the crafty chef may have raised prices even more.

According to the menu posted on his website, guac and chips are now $6.25, and many of the sandwiches have gone from a steep but worth it $9 to a soul-crushing $12. Double digits. They might as well dump spicy habanero salsa all over our hearts.

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News  Published 08/21/15 10:00am

Free Cold Brew Iced Coffee From Saxbys – today and next Friday. Free iced coffee would thrill us about as much as finding out that our double in the Quad doesn't have a sink, but free cold brew? Now THAT we can get behind. Plus, it'll surely go down easier than the Banker's we'll be tossing back tonight. 


News  Published 08/06/15 4:00pm

Free Microsoft Office For All – Penn recently announced that any enrolled student can download Office 365 for FREE via Campus Express. Although this signals the end of summer – and with that, post VP all-nighter sunrises replacing post bonfire beach sunsets – at least we can now get back a percentage of our tuition, one download at a time. 


 Published 08/05/15 1:39pm

Princeton Review Thinks That Penn Can't Party

In keeping with the too long-standing tradition of lists and rankings, the Princeton Review released their, "Top 10 Party Schools in America" list. And in a bit of a not-at-all ironic twist, Penn was left off the list ENTIRELY! 

What gives P.R. – have you no sense of party schools? Didn't you think you should consult with Playboy before putting out such a list?

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 Published 07/29/15 2:32pm

NYT Calls Out Hill For Being Worse Than The Quad

As the summer days drift away and we near our return to Penn, it's only appropriate that the Times chime in and add to their cyberbullying SAGA (jk we had this one coming). A mere one scroll down their post, "Dorms You'll Never See on the Campus Tour," reveals this unflattering photo of Hill College House, "gap-toothed brickwork," and all.

TL;DR: Hill's old. It's not pretty. It's not the Quad. Even worse, the article's claim that, "air-conditioning will arrive over the next few years," will probably never happen. With that said...

To the freshmen moving into Hill: Don't worry, love does exist in this hopeless place. But if that doesn't work, make friends in the Quad.

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 Published 07/27/15 10:00am

Trump Runs for President: Wharton Considers Relocating To Under A Rock

Donald Trump, inspirer of cats everywhere, went to Wharton. In the past, this was merely an entertaining fact/skeleton in the closet. It was hidden away in the depths of our history with Ben Franklin's prostitutes and the fact that Penn students used to literally fight to the death over a bowl. It was a fact only trudged out during past threats of a Presidential run and perhaps some unwatched episodes of The Apprentice.

No longer. Over the past few weeks, the Donald has been dropping that he attended the "Wharton School of Finance" in every single speech rant.  Despite the fact that his classmates "have no memory of him whatsoever," it's the burden we must carry. The jig is up.

While Wharton may be losing applicants/dignity as result, one bright side is this Funny or Die vid calling Trump a "Prisoner of Wharton." While fairly accurate, we only wish that they had delved more deeply into the torture technique known as OCR, when prisoners are forced to compete with their fellow brave soldiers for the opportunity to work 1,000 hours per week.

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