News  Published 5 minutes ago

Jon Huntsman (A Confirmed Adult) Hits Up Smoke's

In an amazing turn of events, Jon Huntsman was at Smoke's last night! As much as we love that bar post-midnight, it's hard to say for sure what drew this handsome 54 year-old politician/diplomat/businessman to the old Smokey Joe's Cafe in the wee hours of a Friday morning. Could it have been the opportunity to party with a bunch of drunk Penn kids post-Madeon? Was he craving a $5 shot of Fireball? Was it the Halloween spirit of frightfully good times that drove him to do something genuinely absurd with his wife in tow? (She's not pictured, but reports show that both Huntsmans were there). Really the only thing that could have made this better would have been if he'd arrived in costume, but perhaps he's merely saving his energy for the Gutmann event of the Halloween season later this afternoon. Oh JMH, you keep doing you and killing it nightly – we hope to see you out later this evening! 

News  Published 19 hours ago

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's A Porta Potty!

Spotted soaring high above campus around 39th and Chestnut: a beacon of hope for our midterm-worn souls. This porta potty proves that the American dream is real, people. Anyone – nay, anything – can do whatever they set their mind to. If a construction worker can lay bricks at such a high altitude, you can ace/tackle/fix/outdrink/survive the next big thing in your life. If a porta potty can fly, you can do literally anything. Go out there and get done what needs to get done. Seize the day. Crape diem!

Chasing Amy  Published 19 hours ago

Chasing Amy: Even UPS Does It!

A mysterious package was delivered to Madame President's (sometimes) home Tuesday. Just kidding, it wasn't. The ever-elusive A-Gut wasn't there to sign for it, so just like us, the delivery guy left a note! Hopefully she can be chased down from 10:30 to 2 to retrieve whatever she ordered. Will it be an at-home airbrushing kit? A custom set of high-fashion pantsuits? A Halloween costume? The world may never know.

 Published 22 hours ago

STREET Presents: Hurrah for the Red, White & Blue

Trick or Street, Penn. Street was honored to meet some of our bravest classmates, the 17 members of Penn's NROTC program.

And we can't stop listening to 1989. Plus Philly is full of ghosts, and we made a guide to its haunted parts. Where is Philly's best candy? Old City or you can make some. Homecoming is here and we sort of wish we went to a football school (but we've seen them on TV). Is Mercury still in retrograde? Only one way to find out...

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Features  Published 22 hours ago

Costume Guide: How To Dress Like Your Favorite Penn Haunts

What to wear for Halloween? You can't bear to dress up as a sexy cat again, and sexy nurse is too damn pre-professional. Fear, not! Using campus as inspiration, UTB presents you with its Fall 2014 Costumer Guide:

Penn-related Place/Person/Thing: The Rave

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Features  Published 10/29/14 7:54pm

PennPorn Fall 2014: THE WINNERS

Timehop informs us that three years ago today, it snowed on campus. It was Family Weekend; current seniors were freshmen. In 2014, however, it's very much still autumn, which means 'tis the season for PennPorn. As always, we asked you to email us your seXXXy campus pics or use #PennPorn on Instagram, and you certainly delivered. Presenting the winners...

Shira Papir:

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Features  Published 10/29/14 4:46pm

ShutterButton: What the Bathrooms Really Should Look Like

Before the PBR puke, used condoms, and tiny, claustrophobic showers, this is what the Quad bathrooms used to look like. Silk curtains, carpeting, ferns. Quite decorative, no? It looks more like A-Gutt’s combo sitting room-slash-sauna than your typical washroom. So, let’s give a collective sigh for 1901, and perhaps pick up some home-décor tips from the past.

Features  Published 10/29/14 10:00am

UTB Costume Contest: Round Two

Double double, toil and trouble. Halloween is here, and UTB is ready to stir the cauldron. Last year, we brought eternal glory to some and inescapable shame to others, and we're thirsty for more.

Send your best, your DFMO's worst, and that rando from Comp Sci's weirdest costumes to by Sunday at 11:59 p.m. for a chance to take home the gold. And remember, nothing is off limits. Scared yet? You should be.

News  Published 10/28/14 4:54pm

English Department Offers Course "Wasting Time On The Internet"

Professor Kenneth Goldsmith-- he's just like us

Whether you're the next big alt lit poet or a Wharton kid trying to boost her GPA after that disastrous MGMT 100 grade, consider signing up for Kenneth Goldsmith's "Wasting time on the Internet" class, because we know that's what you'll be doing in any lecture you'd take anyway. New York Magazine may make fun, but imagine the looks on your friends's faces as you scroll through your Twitter feed and watch cat videos for a grade--or better yet, imagine the looks on your parents's faces. 

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News  Published 10/28/14 3:34pm

HubBub Coffee Rewards Loyal Customers With Chocolate Chip Cookies -- Because you've been generously supporting their slightly-overpriced coffee for 365 days now, today HubBub is giving away free chocolate chip cookies to the first 200 customers that say "Happy Birthday HubBub!" to a barista. If you're lucky, you'll uncover a "Golden Ticket" in your cookie, which can earn you that HubBub mug, shirt, or canteen you've been dreaming of your whole life.

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