News  Published 10 hours ago

Submit Your Spring Break Tips!!! -- Whatever sunburned, drunken, incriminating, cringeworthy, nude, illicit things you're doing this break, let UTB know! Submit Snapchats, pics, texts, stories and videos to and you might just get on the blog ;) Happy break, kiddos. 

News  Published 13 hours ago

Recap: Huntsman Protest Didn't Do SHIT

In a twist of events, these brethren decided to spend their Wednesday fighting a losing battle by protesting Wharton’s oppression of the College (and everyone). While we applaud their efforts, we can’t help but laugh…a lot. It’s a known fact that this issue is going nowhere. It’s a tale as old as time! But if you boys want to shake things up, we’d love to see a sit-in or a food fight. Thanks on behalf of the 81%. See you at the VP printers.

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 Published 15 hours ago

Penn Students Create Start-Up That Might Actually Be Useful

Penn students have a long history of creating start-ups that no one really cares about. Things that are basically useless. Things that already exist. So when we stumbled across Ivy Movers, we were pleasantly surprised. This start-up of entrepreneurial Wharton grads has been around since 2009 and has already done 1,000 moves. We're just as impressed as the current and former Wharton students they'll provide as references. If you're looking to move locally or to New York, check out their (somewhat janky) website here. 

 Published 19 hours ago

50 Shades Of PPE

We’re not exactly sure what this means, but who cares! It’s almost spring break and even complicated philosophy can be fun when you include BDSM sex. While it’s safe to assume this TA just wanted to better engage students, it’d be more fun to think of some other options. Perhaps the TA was looking for some in class role-play for a more kinesthetic learning experience. Or maybe the TA was genuinely interested in the multifaceted and complex philosophical nature of Dom-Sub relationships. Regardless, any student should be excited when a TA tries to mix things up. Let us not forget the words of a wise and noble poet, “sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me.”

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News  Published 03/04/15 10:28pm

And The SPEC-TRUM Spring Performers Are…

The wait is over! SPEC-TRUM has finally announced the artists for this year’s Spring Concert. On March 28, World Café Live will welcome Rae Sremmurd, OG Maco, and Chynna Rogers to the stage.

You know Rae from No Flex Zone, Up Like Trump, and No Type. OG Maco is the artist behind U Guessed It, and the recently released FUCKEMx3. (We approve.) Chynna is a local rapper, and she’s casually A MODEL. Get a sense of her rap style here and here.

If this lineup is all rap, what does this mean for Fling? Will there be a pop star in our midst? Only time will tell. Get tickets here

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News  Published 03/04/15 1:35pm

We're Getting Yet Another Coffee Shop, Except This One Has A Fancy Name

There are lots of different things we wish to see added to this bustling community: perhaps a food option besides Wawa that's open late on the weekends (the bring back Philly Diner movement begins now), a new gym with little treadmill cubicles so you don't have to make so much awkward eye contact with semi-acquaintances in Pottruck, or maybe even an open napping space where you can nod off and drool to your heart's content between classes free from social stigma. 

Naturally, University City is answering our requests with the one thing we really don't need more of: coffee. It's pretty rare that you would find yourself wandering the 3900 block of Chestnut Street, but you may wanna make the trip because Petrus Ky Cafe is offering complimentary coffee tomorrow. So, in the spirit of midterms and spring break being just around the corner, go ahead and treat/over-caffeinate yourself.

News  Published 03/04/15 11:18am

The Penn Canada Goose Tumblr Has Finally Arrived

Ya, just kidding; you didn't get into your srat/frat/GDI crew by being different. Why be ~unique~ when you can just fly with the rest of the flock and get the same black Canada Goose and some sweet Bean Boots? Just follow the three simples rules of Penn fashion: 1. Your outfit should be monochromatic, 2. Your outfit should not cost less than $1000 dollars, and 3. If you gotta go with a color, it's gotta be salmon. No exceptions. If you play your basic little cards right, then maybe someday you will end up on this blog!

Real talk though: if you can afford a $600 dollar coat, maybe try a little harder? There are so many even warmer coat options (just one example). No one will fault you for taking a risk, and you probably won't end up on a blog highlighting Penn students' inability to think differently. 

 Published 03/03/15 4:31pm

Philly Bridges Stages Wedding To Educate International Students About 1950s America

Philly Bridges, a branch of the Penn Christian student group, is hosting a Demonstration of an American Wedding. It's meant to educate international students about the types of weddings that take place in America. Naturally, it features a bride and a groom. Because no other people get married in America. We wouldn't want to deceive international students and let them think otherwise. All Penn students are invited to attend this educational and fun event at Houston Hall Class of '49 Auditorium on Thursday. 

News  Published 03/03/15 4:01pm

Drones, Drones, All Type of Drones

Chips and mints and seashell drones. Just kidding, but hey look! Someone flew a DRONE over the Schuylkill! Accompanied by no music and traveling at the speed of a brisk power walk, this drone caught some trippy images of the frozen river, serving as a reminder of how cold it is and how much we want to leave Penn for break!!! Okay, perhaps a bit of an extrapolation...but like not really. Just enjoy this minute and a half of silent bliss, and know that soon you’ll only have to vent about exams SOME of the time.

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News  Published 03/03/15 1:52pm

Goin' Down to South Mark('s Café)

Gonna have ourselves a South Park marathon? On Sunday, the channel was changed in Mark’s from the usual local news and/or sports station to Comedy Central (for a solid 8 HOURS), bringing some Cartman into our bleak, midterm-riddled existences. Why the tone-shift, you may ask? Maybe the good people of the café just wanted us to find some Zen in our lives, or maybe someone went rogue and decided to be the architect of their own TV choices. Either way, watching a closed-captioned Kenny die on repeat while your GPA drops beats sending another ironic Snapchat captioned “VP for daiz” while you stare at the faded mahogany of a 5th floor cubicle, pining for spring break.

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