Features  Published 8 hours ago

Locust LIMERICKS

Yo, our weekly Locust Flaikus are the bomb, but TRADITIONAL POETRY. CAN. GET. IT. Hell yeah, we're upping the ante and werkin' that A/A/B/B/A rhyming structure for your education and entertainment. Are they worthy of publication in a book of children's nursery rhymes? Probably.

Counterparts Presents: Plymouth Rockapella

The voice of a Counterpart
Is truly a work of art
Pilgrim theme? How timely
The pun is worthy of UTB
So go! And don't be a fart.

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News  Published 11/21/14 5:11pm

Freshmen Strike Again By Making Quad Unlivable

Once upon a time Hill College House wasn't drowning and the Quad wasn't plagued by filthy animals. Dear Freshmen: this is the "Year Of Health," so making your hall (read: THE PLACE YOU LIVE) more disgusting than the BioPond isn't really what makes Amy happy. And you won't like Amy when she's angry

From pooping on the floor, to using a pie chart about Jews as lounge decorum, to leaving behind a plethora of body hair, it's safe to say Quad residents are lashing out at something. Did someone destroy your laundry or are you still harboring negative feelings about this?

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 Published 11/21/14 1:15pm

Flyerer Of The Week: The Underground Shakespeare Company Presents Othello

Underground Shakespeare Company is redefining Shakespeare (hear us out)! Their newest production, Othello, is set in Vietnam War era, a time substantially more relevant than Venice in the 1500s. If the flyerers themselves are any indicator, this show is bound to be crazy. It might even get shut down by Penn police...

What are you guys flyering for?

We are part of the Underground Shakespeare Company and we have a show going on tonight and tomorrow at 8pm in the Rodin rooftop lounge. We're showing Othello and setting it in Vietnam.

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News  Published 11/20/14 5:35pm

It's All DownHill From Here

Hill residents prepare your arks because honey, that towel's not gonna do anything. As these pictures show, in less than 24 hours Hill will be totally flooded. No word yet as to where the water’s coming from–maybe some poor soul forgot how to do laundry, it's hard to say. Funny to think that only a few weeks ago house residents thought they’d stay  dry. Time to head for the hills….or better yet, anywhere else.

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 Published 11/20/14 11:30am

STREET Presents: Shoutouts and Seniors Superlatives

This week, Street brings you two of our most highly–anticipated events of the year. Grab the PDF or pick up a copy on Locust. 

We heard your nominations. You voted. Now meet your Class of 2015 Senior Superlatives

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Features  Published 11/19/14 1:38pm

Birthday Tweets From The Real Amy Gutmann

Happy Birthday Amy G! Or should we say the Real A-Gut? Instead of wasting time waiting for people to wish her a happy birthday, our fine President proved once again that she is a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to complete her by doing so herself. Classic Harvard!

Here’s a taste of what Amy had to say on this lovely holiday via her Twitter. Her tweets are coquettish, honest, and of course, socially and pop culturally relevant–we’d expect nothing less! Happy 65th girlfriend, you own this city.

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 Published 11/19/14 12:06pm

ShutterButton: PennVet Wants To Know If Your Dog Has Diarrhea

Look, here at UTB we love dogs as much as the next person. Pretty much everyone has one with them on campus and honestly, they're what make this four-year degree worth it. That's why it's especially important that we ask: does your dog have diarrhea? Because PennVet really, really wants to know – so much so, that they've put up signage literally everywhere. If there's one thing that could make your walk down Locust a little more scenic, or your photo in front of the Love statue a little more memorable, it's a subtle reminder that loose and watery canine stool is a thing.


 Published 11/19/14 10:24am

Free fried chicken at Federal Donuts today – and all you have to do is show up. No problem in this cold, right? Zagat released their annual list of the 50 Best Philly Restaurants and they're celebrating (Amy's birthday) by giving everyone chicken. So hurry, because it's today only!


Features  Published 11/19/14 7:16am

IT'S AMY'S 65TH B-DAY! Celebrating 65 Things That Have Happened During Her Reign

What's that festive vibe in the air on this brisk morning? THAT WOULD BE THE CAMPUS-WIDE JOY OF OUR UNIVERSITY HIGH HOLY DAY: AMY GUTMANN'S BIRTHDAY.

Talk about a #WomanCrushWednesday: Madame President is – no joke – turning SIXTY-FIVE today. Here's to the blonde fountain of youth who doesn't know the meaning of the official Medicare benefits age. And knowing A-Gut will be at the helm of dear old Penn through 2019 is all the social security we need. We've been Chasing Amy from the get-go, so UTB now proudly presents 65 things that have occurred during the birthday girl's time as our fearless leader (get ready to click dem hyperlinks)...

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News  Published 11/18/14 4:42pm

Can We Get A Sex-Ed Regrade?

Trojan has decided to add their coverage to the second most talked about part of Penn student life---sex. These sexperts issued a report card ranking the sexual health of 140 colleges across the country. Penn performed admirably, coming in at number 45 and making up for an unsatisfying 62 in 2013.

While their system looked at the availability of sexual health resources and information, we might suggest they take into account extensive news coverage and creative locations. In an obvious expression of our overwhelming insecurity, we have an idea to best position ourselves to wrap up a Top Ten spot in 2015, a new condom themed Year of Health Campaign. Need a slogan? Take your pick


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