Breaking: The Weather is Beautiful and Nothing Could Go Wrong This Week
Cheery “hellos!” and “good mornings!” were present throughout campus as students settled into their 8:30 AM lectures, with all present reflecting upon the fact that out of all possible worlds, the one we currently inhabit is the most promising one there could ever be.
Stop Asking Me About Voting It’s Been 3 Years How Do You Not Know I’m Not American Please Stop
Say it to me now: Faresi is not American, he can't vote, let's not harass him about voting
Passover Gone Wrong: These JVP Members Are Being “Passed Over” in Their Grandparents’ Wills
“I’m divesting you from the lake house, Rachel” said one Bubbe.
TV Show Celebrity Decides One Year On Campus Pretty Much Enough For Him
“He was very accustomed to craft services,” says one source, “He really was disappointed at the lack of craft services. You’d think for an Ivy League school we’d have craft services – at least for the students who really matter.”
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Happy Earth Day! Penn Announces Plans to Cement Over Biopond for the Construction of a New Wawa
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. That is, a parking lot to a Wawa. Which in some cases could be considered an even better paradise.
Ramadan Kareem! J. Larry Jameson Leads Friday Jummah Prayer in Efforts to Address Penn Administration's Islamophobia
He now goes by Shaikh J.(Jamal) Al-Latif Jaabir
Faking Interest
An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania.
I Interviewed The Drag Queen Who Planned Tel Aviv Night at Smokes
“I’m really here to bring the Penn community together over something that you all agree on,” O’side says as she spills some of her $5 vodka cran on her blue and white dress. “It’s pretty simple. First there will be a Jewish comedy night, and then there will be a Tel Aviv Night.”