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Satire  Published 06/21/18 10:19am

REPORT: 73% of Incoming Penn Freshmen Only Applied Because "Elon Musk Went There"

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Photo by Heisenberg Media / CC By 2.0


Talk about an ambitious bunch of students! A recent Annenberg study reports that a staggering 73% of incoming members of Penn's Class of 2022 had the same motivation for applying to Penn - the university's (second) most famous alum. 

While Penn has its fair share of famous alumni, many of whom found great success in their time at the school, Elon Musk stood out to most freshmen due to his drive, ambition, and as one incoming student stated, "the fact that he's a billionaire". 

Incoming freshman Jeff Clarke (W '22) exclaimed that his idolization of Musk encouraged him to pursue the unbelievably original academic combination of Finance AND Computer Science. "I care about making a meaningful impact in the world, while helping those in need," claimed Clarke. "Also I want a yacht. Yeah. A yacht would be cool."

Musk, who has infamously distanced himself from Penn ever since his rise to Tony Stark status, declined to comment. He also refused to reply to any emails, phone calls, text messages, or Tesla orders from anyone with any affiliation with Penn. 

We hope that these ambitious freshmen will accomplish even a tenth of what Elon Musk has accomplished. At the very least, they will learn the necessarily skills to "handle the business side" of any venture they undertake. 

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