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Satire  Published 06/05/18 10:29pm

Disappointing: Sarah Huckabee Sanders Greased White House Columns For Nothing

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Photo (with edits) by angela n. / CC BY 2.0 and The White House / CC0


Can't a girl catch a break?

White House Press Secretary and Supreme Arbiter of Truth Sarah Huckabee Sanders was tasked this week with preparing the White House for the arrival of the Super Bowl Champions, the Philadelphia Eagles. With a lot on her plate already, she spent extra hours on the south lawn, greasing the columns of the portico so that rowdy members of the administration cannot cause even more destruction than they already have. 

Soon after Sanders completed the long and arduous job, President Trump suddenly cancelled the event all together, citing the potentially low attendance of alleged "sons of bitches". Sources close to Sanders reported that the Press Secretary, hands covered in Crisco, choked back tears of frustration as to not ruin her now-infamous smokey eyes. 

"She's under a lot of pressure as it is," a source told UTB. "She's got a really tough, self-inflicted job that's just getting worse all the time and this doesn't help." 

Sanders is expected to make a full recovery from this week's disappointment. It isn't the first time that the President has completely pulled the rug from under her, and experts expect that it be won't be the last. 

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