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Listen up people. You’re never going to hear a story like this again.
When I was in high school I was smart. Out of the 100 seventeen year olds in West Oakland High, I was the kid to beat.
Now I’m dumb.
That’s right: when I came to Penn, I found people smarter than me. People who were more ambitious, charismatic, and successful than I’d ever been.
This is a problem that Penn needs to fix.
Seriously. I grew up sincerely convinced that the entire world was encapsulated in the other 99 students in my school. If I could beat them, humanity would bury me in accolades. And all of a sudden, I come to Philly and I’m proven wrong! Who could have seen this coming?
Look, I’m not asking for much. Why does Penn insist on admitting all these qualified people? How can I possibly enjoy my life if I’m not the smartest person in whatever room I’m in?
If the administration really cared about our mental health, they wouldn’t rub it in our faces that we’re not untouchable geniuses.
But it’s not too late. If you care about restoring sanity, sign my petition for the immediate dismissal of all Penn professors. It turns out that a lot of them are really smart too, and I just don’t see how that’s fair to the rest of us.